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May 27th

All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind. – Abraham Lincoln


TODAY – MAY 27th

147th day of the year (148th in leap years) with 218 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Memorial Day 2019
~ National Cellophane Tape Day
~ National Grape Popsicle Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1819 Julia Ward Howe, New York City, New York, author/lecturer (Battle Hymn of the Republic)
  • 1837 “Wild Bill” Hickok, [James Butler], Troy Grove, Illinois, cowboy/scout
  • 1894 Dashiell Hammett, St. Marys Co. Maryland, author (Maltese Falcon)
  • 1907 Rachel Louise Carson, Springsdale, Pennsylvania, biologist/ ecologist/ author (Silent Spring)
  • 1909 William Webster Hansen, Fresno, California, physicist (founder of microwave technology, contributed to development of radar, developed the klystron)
  • 1911 Vincent Price, St Louis, Missouri, actor (House on Haunted Hill, Fly, Laura)
  • 1912 Sam Snead, Ashwood, Virginia, golfer (top player for most of 4 decades)
  • 1915 Herman Wouk, New York City, New York, author (The Caine Mutiny, Winds of War, War & Remembrance)
  • 1923 Henry Kissinger, German immigrant to US, Secretary of State (1973-77)/Nobel Peace Prize (1973)
  • 1925 Tony Hillerman, Sacred Heart, Oklahoma, writer (Leaphorn & Chee Navajo tribal police novels/ Dancehall of the Dead, Coyote Waits)
  • 1934 Harlan [Jay] Ellison, Cleveland, Ohio, sci-fi author (7 Hugos: Doomsman, Babylon 5)
  • 1935 Lee Meriwether, Los Angeles, California, Miss America (1955) and actress (Barnaby Jones, Catwoman, The Ultimate Legacy)
  • 1936 Louis Gossett Jr., Brooklyn, New York, actor (Roots, Officer & a Gentleman, Enemy Mine, Iron Eagle, Stargate SG-1, Boiling Pot)
  • 1961 Peri Gilpin, Waco, Texas, actress (Frasier, Make It or Break It, Scorpion)
  • 1965 Todd Bridges, San Francisco, California, actor (Different Strokes, Everybody Hates Chris, The Smoking Gun, TruTV Presents: World’s Dumbest, Precious Mettle)

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Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul. – Wayne Dyer
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1796 First U.S. patent for a piano issued to James Sylvanus McLean of New Jersey, for “an improvement in piano fortes.” The first piano-like instrument known in the U.S. was called a spinet, described in the Boston Gazette of 18 September 1769, and was built by John Harris.
  • 1890 Patents for the first jukebox were issued to Louis Glass and William S. Arnold for a “coin actuated attachment for phonographs.” Their first jukebox was a coin-operated Edison Class M Electric Phonograph with oak cabinet placed in the Palais Royale Saloon in San Francisco.
  • 1907 Bubonic plague breaks out in San Francisco, California, in the aftermath of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.
  • 1930 The 1,046 feet (319 meters) tall Chrysler Building in New York (the tallest man-made structure at the time) opened to the public.
  • 1930 Masking tape patented by inventor Richard G. Drew of St. Paul, Minnesota. Rights were assigned to the 3M Company, which marketed the tape under the trademark “Scotch.”
  • 1933 Walt Disney Company releases the cartoon The Three Little Pigs, with its hit song “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?
  • 1937 Golden Gate Bridge opened to pedestrian traffic, creating a vital link between San Francisco and Marin County.
  • 1939 DC Comics publishes its second superhero in Detective Comics #27: Batman.
  • 1958 The F-4 Phantom II makes its first flight.
  • 1964 From Russia With Love” (James Bond) premieres in US.
  • 1995 Christopher Reeve is paralyzed from the neck down after falling from his horse in a riding competition.
  • 2016 Barack Obama is the first president of United States to visit Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park and meet Hibakusha.

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Four guys are driving cross-country together — one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York.

After a while the man from Idaho starts pulling potatoes from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Iowa asks, “What the heck are you doing?” The man from Idaho says, “Man, we have so many of these darned things in Idaho — I’m sick of looking at them!”

A few more miles, and the man from Iowa begins pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Florida asks, “What are you doing?” The man from Iowa replies, “Man, we have so many of these things in Iowa — I’m sick of looking at them!”

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.
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A visitor to Texas once asked, ”Does it ever rain out here?”

”Yes, it does,” replied the rancher. ”Do you remember that part in the Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?”

”Yes, I’m familiar with Noah’s flood,” the visitor said.

”Well,” said the rancher, ”we got two and a half inches during that spell.”
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ONE-LINERS:
~ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
~ The young want to change the world. The old want to change the young.
~ The trouble with the rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat.
~ He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
~ If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.
~ People say I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.
~ I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He said, “I think your problem is low self-esteem. It’s very common among losers like you.”
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Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he confided in his teacher:

“I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking.”
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My wife agrees that I do indeed lead a “dog’s life”.

The way she puts it though is: “He comes in with muddy feet, makes himself comfortable by the fire, and expects to be fed.”
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In Honor of Memorial Day…

It is customary on Memorial Day to fly the flag at half staff until noon, and then raise it to the top of the staff until sunset.
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Six Tips to Prevent You From Becoming Shark Food

1. Don’t Swim in the Sea: More than 99% of shark attacks happen in the large water masses known as oceans. An easy way to tell if you are in an ocean is to taste the water. If it tastes salty, get out immediately.

2. Swim Alongside Fat People: Make sure that there are always fat people in the water with you. Odds are that you can swim faster than them. This increases your chances of survival.

3. Sunblock: Secretly replace the sunblock of the person next to you with BBQ rib sauce

4. Don’t Go In the Water Without A Knife: As soon as you spot a shark, furiously stab the person next to you. As soon as he is bleeding profusely, swim away as fast as you can.

5. Listen Carefully: If you hear this music: “Da-dum … da-dum … da-dum,” swim for your life!! if the music is fast like: “Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum,” give up — it’s already too late.

6. Above All, Don’t Panic: If a shark has got you, stay calm. At this late stage you are dead in any case. Survival is not an option. The people on the beach do not appreciate someone screaming and shouting like a lunatic. It just isn’t pleasant — think of the children!!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

In 1853, the Tate Watch Company of Connecticut decided to branch out and produce other products. Compasses for the pioneers traveling west were their first new endeavor. Although they produced fine and accurate watches, the same was not true of their compasses. Travelers would sometimes end up in Canada or Mexico.

Thus came about the phrase, “He who has a Tate’s is lost.
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These two airheads rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They’re amazed at the number of fish that they catch, so one says to the other, “We’ll have to come back here tomorrow!”

The other asks, “But how will we remember where this spot is?”

The first airhead then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, “We’ll just look for this X tomorrow.”

The other airhead says, “You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat?”

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When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?”

“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him.

“Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted.

“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” I quipped.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”

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A woman driving in Brooklyn stopped her car for a red light. However, when the light turned green again, she just stayed right where she was.

When the light had changed several times and she still hadn’t moved, the traffic policeman finally went over to her and inquired politely, “What’s the matter, lady, ain’t we got no colors you like?”
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An irate wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. ”What’ll you have?” he asked.

”Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. ”Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. ”I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

”Well, there you go,” cried the husband. ”And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How long have we been munching on Pop-Tarts? Post Cereals first created the confection that would become Pop-Tarts in the early 1960s in China. The company had developed a process of enclosing dog food in foil to keep it fresh without refrigeration. They adapted the process to create a new breakfast food for the toaster to complement their popular cold cereals. Post announced their new product in 1963 to the press, giving them the name “Country Squares.”

~ Why was Memorial Day started? Memorial Day was a response to the unprecedented carnage of the Civil War, in which a total of some 620,000 soldiers died between both sides. The loss of life and its effect on communities throughout the country led to several spontaneous commemorations of the dead.

~ What was Memorial Day called originally? The holiday was long known as Decoration Day for the practice of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths, and flags. The name Memorial Day goes back to 1882, but the older name didn’t disappear until after World War II. It wasn’t until 1967 that federal law declared “Memorial Day” the official name. (But in some places the custom still holds and it’s called Decoration Day.)

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I always wanted to be a bull rider in the rodeo! I think it would be GREAT to have a job where I had to work only 8 seconds a week!

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours. – Richard Bach

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