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May 28th

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” – Theodore Roosevelt


TODAY – MAY 28th

148th day of the year (149th in leap years) with 217 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Amnesty International Day
~ National Brisket Day
~ National Hamburger Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1888 Jim Thorpe/Wa-Tho-Huk, Prague, Oklahoma, pentathlete, decathlete, football, baseball and basketball player (considered one of the most versatile athletes of modern sports)
  • 1908 Ian Fleming, English author and Naval intelligence officer (James Bond books & stories)
  • 1931 Carroll Baker, Johnstown, Pennsylvania, actress (Jackpot, Kindergarten Cop, Ironweed, How the West Was Won, The Big Country)
  • 1933 John Karlen, New York City, New York, actor (Dark Shadows, Cagney & Lacey, Surf Ninjas )
  • 1941 Beth Howland, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore)
  • 1942 Stanley B. Prusiner, Des Moines, Iowa, neurologist & biochemist (Nobel / discovered prions)
  • 1944 Gladys Knight, Atlanta, Georgia, R&B and soul singer and actress (14th season of Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1944 Rudy Giuliani, Brooklyn, New York, 107th Mayor of New York City
  • 1944 Sondra Locke, Shelbyville, Tennessee, actress (The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Sudden Impact )
  • 1962 Brandon Cruz, Bakersfield, California, actor (The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Lords of Salem)
  • 1962 James Michael Tyler, Winona, Mississippi, actor (Friends )
  • 1970 Glenn Quinn, Irish actor (Roseanne, Angel)
  • 1977 Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Cranston, Rhode Island, contestant on Survivor: The Australian Outback; actress (The View 2003-2013, Fox & Friends)
  • 1979 Jesse Bradford, Norwalk, Connecticut, actor (Presumed Innocent, Bring It On, Flags of Our Fathers, Outlaw, Guys with Kids)
  • 1986 Joseph Cross, New Brunswick, New Jersey, actor (Desperate Measures, Wide Awake, Jack Frost, Running with Scissors, Milk, Lincoln)

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Gratitude is the best attitude. – Author Unknown

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 585 BC A solar eclipse occurs, as predicted by Greek philosopher and scientist Thales, while Alyattes is battling Cyaxares in the Battle of the Eclipse, leading to a truce. This is one of the cardinal dates from which other dates can be calculated.
  • 1588 The Spanish Armada, with 130 ships and 30,000 men, sets sail from Lisbon heading for the English Channel. (took until May 30 for all ships to leave port).
  • 1830 President Andrew Jackson signs the Indian Removal Act which relocates Native Americans.
  • 1892 In San Francisco, California, John Muir organizes the Sierra Club.
  • 1930 The Chrysler Building in New York City officially opens.
  • 1934 Near Callander, Ontario, the Dionne quintuplets are born to Oliva and Elzire Dionne; they will be the first quintuplets to survive infancy.
  • 1936 Alan Turing submits On Computable Numbers for publication.
  • 1937 The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California, is officially opened by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in Washington, D.C., who pushes a button signaling the start of vehicle traffic over the span.
  • 1961 Peter Benenson’s article The Forgotten Prisoners is published in several internationally read newspapers. This will later be thought of as the founding of the human rights organization Amnesty International.
  • 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton’s former business partners in the Whitewater land deal, James McDougal and Susan McDougal, and the Governor of Arkansas Jim Guy Tucker, are convicted of fraud.
  • 1999 In Milan, Italy, after 22 years of restoration work, Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece The Last Supper is put back on display.
  • 2002 The Mars Odyssey finds signs of large ice deposits on the planet Mars.
  • 2002 The last steel girder is removed from the original World Trade Center site. Cleanup duties officially end with closing ceremonies at Ground Zero in Manhattan, New York City.

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A 55-year-old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who’s lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.

The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5 to win.

Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.

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Golden Oldie… One day a man went to an auction and he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer, “he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

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ONE-LINERS: Back then…

~ A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, a window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.

~ Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was something you did on stage for money; now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.

~ An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, and a keyboard was a piano.

~ Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account…

~ Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file, and if you unzipped anything in public you’d be in jail for a while.

~ Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode.

~ Cut you did with a pocketknife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider’s home, and a virus was the flu.

~ I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead.

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Billy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.

She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he’d meet, and so on.

When the first day came, Billy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.

The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, “What for?” She told him it was time to get ready for school.

“What?” he asked. “Again?”

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Doctor: “Your shins have some nasty bruises. Do you play hockey or soccer?”

Patient: “Nope. My wife and I play bridge.”

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pic of the day: Turkeys Roosting at Night


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Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau.

The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.
On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
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The interviewer greets the next applicant for the job of night watchman.
His first question is: “What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”
The applicant replies, “The slightest noise wakes me up.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A woman was obsessed with the lives of celebrities. Whenever a star would date another star, she would make ridiculous wagers that the two would get married to each other within the month.

The stars she picked to marry almost never did, and never that soon, so the poor woman was soon broke. This is a sad example of a bad case of wed betting.
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After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.
Several weeks later, he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, toothpaste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked, smiling.
“Next time,” he replied, “I’m writing to Toyota!”
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A couple from the city went to a Dude Ranch while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn’t.
She replied, “The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic.”

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He was strolling through the countryside when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes
on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane.

He struck a deal to buy it from the owner who passed on one key piece of information: “We are a religious family,
and we’ve instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you say, ‘Thank God.’ To get him to stop you say, ‘Our Father Who Art in Heaven’.”

Settling into the saddle, he said, “Thank God” and the animal took off.

They rode for miles. Suddenly they approached a cliff. Not remembering the phrase that would make the horse stop, he shouted, “The Lord is my Shepherd!”

The horse did nothing as the cliff loomed closer.

“Eye for eye, tooth for tooth!”

Nothing. The cliff was just ahead.

Just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he had an epiphany and shouted, “Our Father Who Art in Heaven!”

The horse stopped instantly.

Shaking and perspiring, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Mopping his brow, he said out loud, “Thank God!!”

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TODAY’S TRIVIA: What are the main types of coffee? There are three main commercial types of coffee bean from amongst many these are Arabica, Robusta and Liberia. Robusta and Liberian coffee grows best at lower altitudes whereas Arabica is better suited to higher altitudes.

~ Did the Egyptians bowl? Seven thousand years ago, the ancient Egyptians bowled on alleys not unlike our own.

~ Who was commander of the first English vessel to reach the New World? The first Spanish vessels to reach the New World were commanded by the Italian Cristoforo Columbo. The first English vessels to reach the New World were commanded by the Italian Giovanni Caboto (John Cabot). The first French vessels to reach the New World were commanded by the Italian Giovanni da Verrazano. No Italian vessels explored the New World.

~ Which Western European country is largest? France is the largest Western European country. Its area is slightly less than twice the size of Colorado.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Democracy is the worst system devised by wit of man, except for all the others – Winston Churchill

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! – Henry Ward Beecher

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