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May 30th

It is an ironic fact that while half the world’s population is dying as a result of diseases of poverty (largely starvation and infection) the other half is succumbing to diseases of affluence. – Malcolm Carruthers


TODAY – MAY 30th

150th day of the year (151st in leap years) with 215 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Creativity Day
~ National Mint Julep Day
~ National Water a Flower Day
~ National Hole in My Bucket Day
~ Loomis Day (To honor Mahlon Loomis, a Washington, DC, dentist who received a US patent on wireless telegraphy in 1872 (before Marconi was born))
~ World Multiple Sclerosis Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1768 Karl Friedrich Naumann, German mineralogist and geologist (moon crater Naumann is named after him)
  • 1846 Peter Carl Fabergé, Russia, goldsmith/jeweler/egg maker
  • 1908 Mel[vin Jerome] Blanc, San Francisco, California, voice (Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd & Porky Pig)
  • 1909 Benny Goodman, Chicago, Illinois, clarinetist/bandleader (King of Swing)
  • 1918 Bob Evans, Sugar Ridge, Ohio, restaurateur
  • 1922 Hal Clement, Somerville, Maine, science fiction author (Mission of Gravity, Star Light, Half Life, Noise)
  • 1953 Colm Meaney, Dublin Ireland, actor (Miles O’Brien on Star Trek: TNG & Deep Space 9, The Snapper, Random Passage, Hell on Wheels, Will)
  • 1958 Ted McGinley, Newport Beach, California, actor (Happy Days, Love Boat, Married With Children, Dynasty, 7th season Dancing with the Stars, Transformers: Robots in Disguise)
  • 1963 Helen Sharman, Sheffield, United Kingdom, chemist, the first Briton in space
  • 1964 Wynonna Judd, Ashland, Kentucky, country/bluegrass singer (The Judds)

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There is no greater difference between men than between grateful and ungrateful people. – R.H. Blyth
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1854 Kansas-Nebraska Act becomes law establishing the US territories of Nebraska and Kansas.
  • 1868 Decoration Day (predecessor of “Memorial Day”) is observed in the United States for the first time (By “Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic” John A. Logan’s proclamation on May 5).
  • 1899 Female Old West outlaw Pearl Hart robs a stage coach 30 miles southeast of Globe, Arizona.
  • 1883 In New York City, a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge is going to collapse causes a stampede that crushes twelve people.
  • 1911 First Indianapolis 500 ends with Ray Harroun becoming the first winner of the 500-mile auto race in his Marmon Wasp.
  • 1922 In Washington, D.C. the Lincoln Memorial is dedicated.
  • 1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in WWII & Korean War buried at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery.
  • 1966 Launch of Surveyor 1 the first US spacecraft to achieve landing on an extraterrestrial body.
  • 1967 Robert “Evel” Knievel’s motorcycle jumps 16 automobiles.
  • 1971 Mariner program: Mariner 9 is launched to map 70% of the surface, and to study temporal changes in the atmosphere and surface, of Mars.
  • 1976 Bobby Unser sets world record for the fastest pit stop (4 seconds).

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Every night just before bedtime, Little Johnny listens to his father reading fairy tales. Having a deep sense of humor, his father usually ad-libs some parts of the fairy tales just for fun.

One day, Little Johnny is in class listening to the teacher reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. The teacher reads, “… and the little pig met a man pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw. So the little pig said to the man, ‘Excuse me, mister. Can I have some straw so that I can build a house?’”

At this point, the teacher pauses and asks the class, “Can anyone tell me what the man with the wheelbarrow said?”

Little Johnny immediately raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. “I know! I know!” says Little Johnny excitedly. “The man said, ‘Holy moley! A talking pig!’”

The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.

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Golden Oldie… A farmer answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture. The farmer said, “No.”

“Legally, that paper says we can,” replied the worker.

As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the farmer went to his barn and turned his bull into the pasture.

As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the farmer hollered, “Show HIM your paper!”

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ONE-LINERS: All About Dogs. . .
~ The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue – Anonymous
~ Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful – Ann Landers
~ If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went – Will Rogers

~ There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face – Ben Williams
~ A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself – Josh Billings

~ The average dog is a nicer person than the average person – Andy Rooney
~ We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made – M. Acklam
~ Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate – Sigmund Freud

~ I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult – Rita Rudner
~ A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down – Robert Benchley
~ Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog – Franklin P. Jones
~ If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons – James Thurber
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Quotes from people in accidentszzzzz; If we are unlucky enough to be involved in a car accident, of course it is never our fault. The following quotes show what people write on their insurance claim forms. Apparently these are strange but true stories.

1 I collided with a stationary tree.
2. There was no damage done to the car, as the gatepost will testify.
3. Ice on the road applied brakes causing skid.

4. One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator pedal, leapt across the road to the other side and jumped into the trunk of a tree.
5. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.

6. I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post which were in a straight line. Unfortunately, there was a bend in the road bringing the right-hand lamp post in line with the other and of course I landed in a ditch.

7.Question: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
7.Answer: Travelled by bus?

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pic of the day: Newly Hatched Wild Turkey Chicks


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What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?

1. How much money do you have?

2. Where can you get more?

3. Do you have anything you can sell?
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Everything is Wonderful

My face in the mirror
Isn’t wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn’t dirty,
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

My wife was in labor with our first child.
Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?”

“Nothing. She’s just having contractions.”
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This is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, “Mommy, the Preacher’s sermon this morning confused me.”

The mother said, “Oh! Why is that?”
The girl replied, “Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?”

“Yes, that’s true,” the mother replied.
“He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?”

Again the mother replied, “Yes.”
“Well,” said the girl. “If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn’t He show through?”
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Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,”
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning!”
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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.
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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure.
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Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the agent.

‘Well,’ replied old John, ‘There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.’

‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,’ says the agent.

‘That would be me,’ replied old rancher John.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Do identical twins have identical teeth? Usually — If one identical twin grows up without a given tooth coming in, the second identical twin will usually also grow up without the tooth.

~ What is National Hole in My Bucket Day for? It is in honor of the fun children’s song; There’s a Hole in My Bucket, a song which has origins in 1700 Germany.

~How tough does a pole vaulter need to be? Up to 20,000 pounds of pressure per square inch may be absorbed by a pole vaulter on the joints of his tubular thigh bones when he lands.

~ Where can you find the “Beach?” Miami Beach, Long Beach, Huntington Beach, Palm Beach, Pacific Beach, Hermosa Beach, Redondo Beach — there are scores of U.S. coastal cities and towns with “beach” in their names. Surprisingly, there’s only one city in the United States named merely “Beach.” It is found in North Dakota, which is a land-locked state.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: We’ll always be best friends because you know too much.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. – H.U. Westermayer

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