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May 4th

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. – Erich Fromm


TODAY – MAY 4th

124th day of the year (125th in leap years) with 241 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
*Star Wars Day (May the 4th be with you!)
14 Star Wars Facts Everyone Gets Wrong

*Anti-Bullying Day (United Nations)
*Bird Day (established by Oil City, PA school superintendent Charles Babcock in 1894 to promote bird conservation)
*International Firefighters’ Day
*National Candied Orange Peel Day
*National Homebrew Day
*National Orange Juice Day
*Renewal Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1796 Horace Mann, Franklin, Massachusetts, educator/author/editor (pioneered public schools)
  • 1826 Frederick Church, Hartford, Connecticut, romantic landscape painter (Hudson River School)
  • 1874 Frank Conrad, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, electrical engineer (interest in radiotelephony led to establishment of first commercial radio station)
  • 1926 David Allan Bromley, Canadian-American nuclear physicist (“father of modern heavy ion science”)
  • 1926 Milton “Milt” Thompson, Crookston, Minnesota, NASA-test pilot/chief-engineer (X-15)
  • 1928 Betsy Rawls, Spartanburg, South Carolina, LPGA golfer (Hall of Fame, US Women’s Open-51, 53, 57, 60)
  • 1929 Audrey Hepburn, Brussels, Belgium, actress (Breakfast at Tiffany’s, My Fair Lady)
  • 1939 Paul Gleason, Jersey City, New York, actor (All My Children, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, A-Team, Battle for Endor, Die Hard)
  • 1940 Robin Cook, NYC, physician & novelist (Foreign Body, Acceptable Risk, Shock, Coma, Mortal Fear, Outbreak, etc.)
  • 1947 Richard Jenkins, DeKalb, Illinois, actor (Six Feet Under, The Visitor, Cabin in the Woods, Bone Tomahawk, Berlin Station)
  • 1956 David Guterson, Seattle, Washington, author (Snow Falling on Cedars, Our Lady of the Forest, The Other, Why Homeschooling Makes Sense)
  • 1956 Michael L Gernhardt, Mansfield, Ohio, PhD/astronaut (STS 69, 83, 94, sk 100)
  • 1959 Randy Travis, Marshville, North Carolina, country singer (3 Wooden Crosses, Forever and Ever Amen, Diggin’ Up Bones)
  • 1970 Will Arnett, Canadian actor (Arrested Development, Blades of Glory, Hot Rod, The Millers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1978 Shaenon K. Garrity, American webcomics writer and artist (Narbonics, Smithson)
  • 1979 Lance Bass, Laurel Miss., singer (‘N SYNC, On The Line, Dancing w/the Stars 7 )
  • 1994 Alexander Gould, Los Angeles CA, actor (voice/Nemo; Weeds)

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Just living is not enough.  One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~ Hans Christian Anderson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1780 First U.S. national arts and science society was incorporated.
  • 1871 National Association, first professional baseball league, opens its first season in Fort Wayne, IN.
  • 1854 Asa Fitch became the first state entomologist in the U.S. when he was appointed in New York state by the executive committee of the N.Y. State Agricultural Society.
  • 1884 First photograph of a lightning flash made in the U.S. was made by W. C. Gurley of the Marietta Observatory, Ohio.
  • 1893 Cowboy Bob Pickett invents bulldogging.
  • 1910 Royal Canadian Navy is created.
  • 1927 Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences granted charter as non-profit organization.
  • 1953 Ernest Hemingway is awarded Pulitzer Prize for The Old Man and the Sea.
  • 1970 National Guard kills 4 at Kent State in Ohio.
  • 1979 Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
  • 1990 Latvia proclaims the renewal of its independence after the Soviet occupation.
  • 1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat sign a peace accord regarding Palestinian autonomy granting self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho.
  • 2007 Greensburg, Kansas is almost completely destroyed by a 1.7mi wide EF-5 tornado.

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A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store.

He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. “Could you change this for me, please?”

The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. “Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?”
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When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother’s wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother’s eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her.

“You’re not losing a daughter,” I reminded her in time-honored fashion. “You’re gaining a son.”

“Oh, forget about that!” she said with a sob. “I used to fit into that dress!”
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MOVIE TITLES IF SCIENCE FICTION CLASSICS WERE REALLY ABOUT FOOD

~ Jurassic Pork
~ Planet of the Crepes
~ Fahrenheit 451 (for 14-18 minutes)

~ The Marzipan Chronicles
~ 2001: A Spice Oddysey
~ Dr. Rangelove – or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Lard

~ 20,000 Legumes Under the Sea
~ The Thyme Machine
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A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.

Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”
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A QUIZ FOR THE VERY BRIGHT …
This is a quiz for people who know everything. There are only 8 questions.  These are not trick questions – they are straight questions with straight answers… (Which will be at the end of this post)

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

6. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

7. Name the only vegetable AND fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

8. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’

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pic of the day: May the 4th be with you...


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An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
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DAFFYNITIONS . . .

~ Nostalgia Buff: One who finds the past perfect and present tense
~ Optometrist: A person you have to see
~ Perfect Gentleman: A man of high principle and no interest

~ Quadruplets: Four crying out loud
~ Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat

~ Sermon: A moralogue
~ Thoroughbred: A carefully prepared loaf
~ Useless: A glass eye at a keyhole

~ Viper: What you use to clean ze vindows
~ Walkie Talkie: What you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede
~ X-Ray: A ray that enables a person to see through anything except treachery

~ Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary
~ Zillion: The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, before ending up doing it yourself
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.

Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.

What! You’ve never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

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Newspaper Bloopers Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers.

– On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.

– The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.

– With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.

– A purple lady’s bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.

– Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor’s task force on driving while intoxicated.

– He hasn’t even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.

– Montreal police don’t hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.

– A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.

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On a slow day with few customers, a clerk at a telegram office looks down from her counter and sees a dog waiting in line.

“Oh, aren’t you cute?” she says. “What would you like me to put on your telegram?”

“Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow,” the dog replies.

The clerk says in a cutesy voice, “But you can add another ‘Bow wow wow’ for the same price.”

The dog responds, “Now wouldn’t that sound a little silly?”

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WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICEMAIL? . . .

We have all learned to live with voicemail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered, What if God decided to install voicemail?

Imagine praying and hearing this…
“Thank you for calling My Father’s House. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for requests.
Press 2 for thanksgiving.
Press 3 for complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.”

And what if God used the familiar excuse…”All the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call will be answered in the order it was received.”

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God in prayer?

“If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 1. For Michael, press 2. For a directory of other angels, press 3. If you ‘d like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you’re on hold, press 4. To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, enter his or her social security number. For reservations at My Father’s House, press the letters J-O-H-N and then 3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah’s ark is, please wait until you arrive here.”

“Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.”

“This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:00 am.”

Thank God, you can’t call Him too often!
“Then you will call and the Lord will answer, you will cry for help, and He will say, ‘Here am I.'” (Isaiah 58:9 NIV)
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Now I’ll tell you a real story that happened our Sunday school. The Kindergarten class was discussing “prayer”, and the children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with “amen.”

The teacher asked, “Does anyone know what ‘amen’ means?”

After a long silence one little boy piped up and said, “Well, I think it means, like, “Send’.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What would you do with the Futhark? The Viking alphabet was called the Futhark. The letters, called “runes,” were made from straight lines, making them easier to carve on stone or wood. Stones with writing on them are called runestones.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. – Jim Carrey
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QUIZ ANSWERS!!!

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends:
Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls … The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle…

6. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

7. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce & Watermelon

8. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

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