Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead. – Scottish Proverb
TODAY – MAY 5th
125th day of the year (126th in leap years) with 240 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Cinco De Mayo
~ International Day of the Midwife
~ National Astronaut Day
~ National Cartoonists Day
~ National Enchilada Day
~ National Hoagie Day
~ National Totally Chipotle Day
~ National Silence the Shame Day
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1811 John William Draper, English-American chemist, pioneered in photochemistry (discovered light initiated chemical reactions as molecules absorbed light energy: Draper Point is the point at which all substances glow a dull red (about 525 degrees C.)
- 1813 Søren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher and author (The Concept of Anxiety, Stages of Life’s Way, Works of Love, Christian Discourses, Practice in Christianity)
- 1818 Karl Marx, German philosopher (The Communist Manifesto)
- 1830 John Batterson Stetson, Orange, New Jersey, hat manufacturer (Stetson hats, what else!?)
- 1861 Peter Cooper Hewitt, New York City, New York, electrical engineer (invented the mercury-vapor lamp, an important forerunner of fluorescent lamps)
- 1864 Nellie Bly [Elizabeth Cochran Seaman], Cochran’s Mills, New Jersey, journalist (went around the world)
- 1884 Chief Bender, Crow Wing Co., Minnesota, pitcher (only American Indian in baseball’s Hall of Fame)
- 1890 Christopher Morley, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, journalist and author (Thunder on the Left, Seacoast of Bohemia, The Trojan Horse, Kitty Foyle), helped found the Baker Street Irregulars
- 1903 James Beard, Portland, Oregon, culinary expert/author (Delights & Prejudices)
- 1914 Tyrone Power, Cincinnati, Ohio, actor (Mark of Zorro, Alexander’s Ragtime Band)
- 1915 Alice Faye, New York City, NY, actress and singer (Poor Little Rich Girl, In Old Chicago, Alexander’s Ragtime Band, Hello Frisco Hello, Fallen Angel)
- 1921 Arthur Leonard Schawlow, Palo Alto, California, physicist (Nobel / laser spectroscopy)
- 1922 Irene Gut Opdyke, Polish-American nurse (helped Jews in WWII; hid 12 in cellar to save them / autobiography, In My Hands: Memories of a Holocaust Rescuer)
- 1930 Will Hutchins, Los Angeles, California, actor (Sugarfoot, The Shooting, Clambake, The Quest, Gunfighter)
- 1938 Michael Murphy, Los Angeles, California, actor (Nashville, Tanner, Batman Returns, X-Men The Last Stand, White House Down, Fall, Rogue)
- 1942 Marc Alaimo, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, actor (Gul Dukat/ST Deep Space 9; The Last Starfighter, Naked Gun, Total Recall)
- 1942 Tammy Wynette, Redbay, Alabama, country singer (Stand by your Man)
- 1943 Michael Palin, England, actor (Monty Python, Fish Called Wanda), author (Sahara, Brazil, The Truth, Clangers)
- 1944 John Rhys-Davies, England, actor (Leonardo de Vinci / ST Voyager; Sliders; voice Gimli / Lord of the Rings; Sallah / Indiana Jones films; Beyond the Mask, The Shanarra Chronicles)
- 1955 Melinda Culea, Western Springs, Illinois, actress (Amy/The A-Team, Knots Landing, Wagons East!)
- 1963 Scott Westerfeld, Dallas, Texas, author (Series: Succession, Uglies, Peeps, Leviathan; Midnighters trilogy)
- 1979 Vincent Kartheiser, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Angel, Mad Men, Money, Rango, A Kind of Murder)
- 1980 Hank Green, Birmingham, Alabama, musician / professional blogger (EcoGeek, VlogBrothers)
Happiness is liberty from everything that makes us unhappy. – Vernon Howard
- 1260 Kublai Khan becomes ruler of the Mongol Empire.
- 1494 Christopher Columbus lands on the island of Jamaica and claims it for Spain.
- 1809 Mary Kies is first woman issued a US patent (for a technique of weaving straw with silk and thread).
- 1816 American Bible Society organized (New York).
- 1832 U.S. government passed an act authorizing the first vaccination program to protect Native Americans against smallpox and allotted $12,000 to pay doctors $6 a day for their services.
- 1862 Cinco de Mayo in Mexico: Troops led by Ignacio Zaragoza halt a French invasion in the Battle of Puebla.
- 1865 First US train robbery in the US, at North Bend, Ohio.
- 1881 Louis Pasteur tested innoculations against anthrax upon an ox, several cows and 25 sheep. His experiment proved successful, and was a milestone in the treatment of disease.
- 1936 First bottle with a screw cap and a pour lip patent was issued in the U.S. to Edward A. Ravenscroft, Glencoe, Illinois (No. 2,039,345).
- 1945 The only WW II deaths of civilians on the mainland of the U.S. resulted from a Japanese bomb dropped over Gearhart Mountain, Oregon by an unmanned balloon.
- 1955 West Germany gains full sovereignty.
- 1961 Mercury program – Alan Shepard becomes first American in space, making a sub-orbital flight of 15 minutes aboard Freedom 7.
- 1963 World’s first human liver transplant was performed in America by Dr. Thomas E. Starlz at a Denver, Colorado, hospital.
- 1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is ratified (prohibits any law that increases or decreases the salary of members of the Congress from taking effect until the beginning of the next set of terms of office for Representatives).
- 2000 Conjunction of the five planets – Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn – formed a rough line across the sky with the Sun and Moon but was not visible from the earth because they were behind the Sun. Such a conjunction will not happen again until Apr 2438.
- 2010 Mass protests in Greece erupt in response to austerity measures imposed by the government as a result of the Greek debt crisis.
My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.
“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??”
Mom calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. (Her previous 3 husbands had passed away.) The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
ONE-LINERS: How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity at the Office
~ Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
~ At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
~ Insist that your email address is Xenafirstname.lastname@example.org or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
~ Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
~ Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
~ Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
~ Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
~ Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
~ Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
~ Dont use any punctuation
~ Finish all your sentences with, “…in accordance with the prophecy.”
~ Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC.
I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant.
He laughed as he told me it meant “Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.”
pic of the day: Blue & Gold Macaws...
There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof.
While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim says “No, that’s ok. God will take care of me.” So, the man in the boat drives off.
The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof.
At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.
Jim replies, “No, that’s ok. God will take care of me.” The person in the boat then leaves.
The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney.
Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim tells her “That’s ok.”
The woman says “Are you sure?”
Jim says, “Yeah, I’m sure God will take care of me.
Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns.
Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God.
Jim says to God “You told me you would take care of me! What happened?”
God replied “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~Did you hear about the man who lost his left side?
He’s all right now.
~A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says “We don’t serve mushrooms here.”
The mushroom says,”Why not? I’m a fun guy!”
~Where do erasers go for vacation?
~A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
“How long have you and your husband been married?”
“Fifty three years.”
“53 years and we’ve never had an argument.”
“Amazing! How do you do it?”
“I outweigh him by forty pounds and he’s a coward.”
One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.
As a result, their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.
“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed. “What do you think caused the change in behavior?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied. “This year I didn’t sign the checks.”
HOME REMEDIES. . .
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
Infamous Last Words. . .
~ It’s fireproof.
~ He’s probably just hibernating.
~ I’ll get a world record for this.
~ So, you’re a cannibal.
~ I’m making a citizen’s arrest.
~ Are you sure the power is off?
~ I’ve seen this done on TV.
~ These are the good kind of mushrooms.
~ Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
~ Let it down slowly.
~ Rat poison only kills rats.
~ Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town.
~ Nice doggie.
~ This doesn’t taste right.
~ It’s strong enough for both of us.
~ That’s odd.
~ I’ve done this before.
~ Don’t be so superstitious.
~ Well, we’ve made it this far.
A guy is sitting at the bar, staring morosely into his beer when his friend walks in. “What’s the problem?
“Well, I ran afoul on one of those awkward questions women ask. Now, I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?”
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”
“That’s an easy one! You just say, ‘Of course I will!'”
“Yeah, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I do.'”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who was SNL’s first host?
The first guest host of NBC’s Saturday Night Live was comedian George Carlin on October 10, 1975.
~ Why is National Astronaut Day on May 5th?
On this date in 1961, Astronaut Alan Bartlett Shepard Jr. became the first American in space aboard the Freedom 7 Space capsule. The brief suborbital flight, which lasted 15 minutes and reached a height of 116 miles into the atmosphere, was a milestone achievement.
~ Why is National Cartoonists day celebrate on May 5th?
On Sunday, May 5, 1895, the readers of the New York World discovered an new addition to their morning paper. Outcault’s full-color drawings featuring a big-eared, barefoot little boy with a mischievous grin was the first color installment of the cartoon called Hogan’s Alley. It would later become known as The Yellow Kid and was the first commercially successful cartoon icon making Richard Outcault (January 14, 1863 – September 25, 1928) the inventor of the modern comic strip.
QUIP OF THE DAY: The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good … spit it out. – Unknown
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . In the game of life it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. – Bill Baughan