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May 6th

All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. – Samuel Butler


TODAY – MAY 6th

126th day of the year (127th in leap years) with 239 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International No Diet Day
~ National Beverage Day
~ National Crepe Suzette Day
~ National Nurses Day
~ National Tourist Appreciation Day
~ National Photography Month
~ National Melanoma Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1856 Sigmund Freud, Austrian Austrian neurologist & psychiatrist (founding father of psychoanalysis)
  • 1856 Robert Peary, Cresson, Pennsylvania, explorer (led first expedition that claimed to reach geographic North Pole)
  • 1895 Rudolph Valentino, Italian-American actor (The Sheik, Blood and Sand, The Eagle)
  • 1904 Raymond Bailey, Irvine, California, actor (banker Drysdale/Beverly Hillbillies)
  • 1915 Orson Welles, Kenosha, Wisconsin, director and actor (The War of the Worlds, Citizen Kane)
  • 1929 Paul Lauterbur, Sidney, Ohio, chemist (Nobel/magnetic resonance imaging)
  • 1931 Willie Mays, Westfield, Alabama, considered greatest all-around baseball player
  • 1945 Bob Seger, Detroit, Michigan, singer/songwriter (Night Moves)
  • 1947 Alan Dale, New Zealand, actor (The Young Doctors, Star Trek Nemesis, The O.C., Lost, Ugly Betty, Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Priest, NCIS, Dominion, Captain America: The Winter Soldier)
  • 1953 Lynn Whitfield, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, actress (Josephine Baker Story, Touched by an Angel, The Wedding, Head of State, Cheetah Girls, Greenleaf)
  • 1955 Tom Bergeron, Haverhill, Massachusetts, emcee/game show host (Funniest Home Videos, Hollywood Squares, Dancing w/the Stars)
  • 1961 George Clooney, Lexington, Kentucky, actor (ER, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, Ocean’s Eleven, Syriana, Up in the Air, Argo, Gravity, The Monuments Men, Tomorrowland)
  • 1996 Dominic Scott Kay, Los Angeles, California, actor (Pirates of the Caribbean World’s End, Wilbur/Charlotte’s Web, Buddha/Air Buddies, Snow Buddies)

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The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. Anonymous
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1816 The American Bible Society is founded in New York City.
  • 1851 U.S. patent was issued to Linus Yale, Jr. for his invention of his “Self-Detaching and Attaching Key-Lock”.
  • 1877 Chief Crazy Horse of the Oglala Sioux surrenders to United States troops in Nebraska.
  • 1889 Eiffel Tower is officially opened to the public at the Universal Exposition in Paris.
  • 1935 New Deal: Executive Order 7034 creates the Works Progress Administration.
  • 1937 German zeppelin Hindenburg catches fire and is destroyed within a minute while attempting to dock at Lakehurst, New Jersey. Thirty-six people are killed.
  • 1940 John Steinbeck is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his novel The Grapes of Wrath.
  • 1941 At California’s March Field, Bob Hope performs his first USO show.
  • 1953 A heart-lung machine designed by Dr. John Heysham Gibbon was used to successfully complete the first open-heart surgery.
  • 1954 Roger Bannister becomes the first person to run the mile in under four minutes.
  • 1960 More than 20 million viewers watch the first televised royal wedding when Princess Margaret marries Anthony Armstrong-Jones at Westminster Abbey.
  • 2013 Three women missing for more than a decade are found alive in the U.S. city of Cleveland, Ohio. Ariel Castro, is taken into custody.

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The farmer had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer, “What do you feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them corn cobs, table scraps, things like that. Why?”
“I am from the Animal Welfare League. You don’t feed your pigs the way you should. They shouldn’t eat waste.”

Some days later, another man arrived. “What do you feed your pigs?”
“I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak … why?”
“I am from an environmental organization and it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.”

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question. The hesitant farmer pondered for a few minutes and then answered, “I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”
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My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes.

All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the workplace. When the appointed lookout yelled, “Here they come!” fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison … and blew every fuse in the building.
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ONE-LINERS: Some Rolling Stones songs have had to be revised for a more age-appropriate theme:
~ “Under My Gums”
~ “Dye It Black”
~ “Let’s Take a Nap Together”
~ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Without A Prescription”

~ “I Can’t Get No . . . Health Insurance”
~ “Pain in My Heart – Where’s My Nitro?”
~ “Hey! You! Get Off Of My Lawn!”
~ “Sister Motrin”

~ “Sleep Fighting Man”
~ “Help Me Up”
~ “It’s All Over Now, Just Pull The Plug”
~ “Time Is On My Side (Well, Maybe Not)”
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A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” asked the captain.
“Throw out an anchor, sir.” replied the naval student.

“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” asked the captain.
“Throw out another anchor, sir.” answered the student.

“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?” asked the captain.
“Throw out another anchor.” replied the student.

“Hold on,” said the Captain. “Where are you getting all your anchors from?”
The naval student replied, “From the same place you’re getting all of your storms, sir.”
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Returning home from work, Jamie was shocked to find that the house had been ransacked and burglarized.
After telephoning the police, the dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Jamie ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Incredulous, Jamie moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?”
“They send me a BLIND policeman!”
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pic of the day: Purple Iris ..

purple iris bloom
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An elderly man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art…it’s perfect.”

“Really?” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”

“Well, I’ll tell you. It’s two thirty-three.”
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One day while driving through a neighborhood near his church, Pastor John saw a little boy on a front porch, struggling trying to reach the doorbell.

Feeling like he needed to help the young fellow, he stopped his car and got out to help. He pressed the doorbell for him and said, in a teaching way, “Now what do we do?”

“Now,” the boy said, laughing, “we run!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

PUN #1) Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.

During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver’s windshield:

“Please don’t take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don’t say I never towed you!”

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PUN #2) A large number of forest animals were watching two skunks having a knock-down, drag-out argument one day.

The argument was pretty even, so they each turned their backs on the other and let go with their odor.

An old bear standing on the side said, “I guess they decided they should get their two scents worth in”.

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said “low bridge ahead.”

Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a “Truck Wedgie.”

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”

The gutsy truck driver said, “No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!”

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Etch-A-Sketch FAQs

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen. How can I get rid of them?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I force an application to quit on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.

Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I prevent data loss on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Stop shaking it.

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Our parish priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.

It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the gender of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.

Thinking quickly, as he approached the first pew where the deceased’s relatives were seated, he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, “Brother or sister?”

“Cousin,” she replied.
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A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, “I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can’t solve.”

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong – the usual stuff – and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says “Blame your predecessor!” He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize!” This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says “Prepare three envelopes”.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which planet has more moons, Earth or Mars? Mars has two satellites, Phobos and Deimos. Earth has only one natural satellite, but it’s the moon. The outer planets have lots of moons, most of them found fairly recently and leading to the possibility that scientists might one day need to redefine what it means to be a moon.

~ How do hummingbirds fly backwards and upside down? Birds, who take flight by forcing air downward and backward with their wings, really SHOULDN’T be able to fly backward. Yet the hummingbird can fly both backward and upside down, and can hover with ease. The wings of these tiny wonders rotate rapidly at the shoulder, tilting to force air forward and down on the downstroke, but also backward and down on what should be the upstroke. By adjusting the tilt, the hummingbird can hover or move in any direction. The bird also has a powerful breast muscle and a metabolism that is amazingly rapid.

~ What made the hatter mad? More than 100 years ago, the felt hat makers of England used mercury to stabilize wool. Most of them eventually became poisoned by the fumes, as demonstrated by the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Breathing mercury’s fumes over a long period of time will cause erethism, a disorder characterized by nervousness, irritability, and strange personality changes.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. – Mahatma Gandhi

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