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November 13th

“Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life–and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next.” ― Dean Koontz

TODAY – NOVEMBER 13th

317th day of the year (318th in leap years) with 48 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Indian Pudding Day
~ Sadie Hawkins Day
~ World Kindness Day
~ National Diabetes Month
~ Banana Pudding Lovers Month
~ Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish author (Kidnapped, Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Treasure Island)
  • 1872 Leon Leonwood Bean, Greenwood, Maine, inventor (waterproof boot), author, outdoor enthusiast (founder of L.L.Bean)
  • 1893 Edward Adelbert Doisy, St. Louis, Missouri, biochemist (Nobel / discovery of vitamin K)
  • 1935 Tom Atkins, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, actor (The Detective, The Fog, Escape from New York, Lethal Weapon, Striking Distance, Drive Angry)
  • 1947 Joe Mantegna, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Three Amigos, Forget Paris, The Starter Wife, Criminal Minds, Kiss Me Deadly)
  • 1953 Tracy Scoggins, Galveston, Texas, actress (Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Dante’s Cove)
  • 1955 Whoopi Goldberg, New York City, New York, actress, comedienne, and singer (The Color Purple, Ghost, Sister Act, The Lion King, Guinan in Star Trek: The Next Generation)
  • 1957 Stephen Baxter, British author (Xeelee Sequence, Destiny’s Children, Manifold Trilogy, Time’s Tapestry, The Time Ships)
  • 1960 Neil Flynn, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Scrubs, The Middle, The Resurrection of Gavin Stone)
  • 1967 Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn, New York, comedian and talk-show host (The Man Show, Win Ben Stein’s Money, Jimmy Kimmel Live!)
  • 1967 Steve Zahn, Marshall, Minnesota, actor (National Security, Daddy Day Care, Sahara, Rescue Dawn, Treme, Captain Fantastic, The Good Dinosaur)
  • 1969 Gerard Butler, Scottish actor (Attila, Timeline, The Phantom of the Opera, 300, Nim’s Island, The Bounty Hunter, How to Train Your Dragon,  Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Olympus Has Fallen)
  • 1971 Noah Hathaway, Los Angeles, California, actor (Battlestar Galactica (1978-79), The NeverEnding Story, Troll, Sushi Girl)

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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. – Will Rogers
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1841 James Braid first sees a demonstration of animal magnetism, which leads to his study of the subject he eventually calls hypnotism.
  • 1940 Walt Disney’s animated musical film Fantasia is first released, on the first night of a roadshow at New York’s Broadway Theatre.
  • 1956 The Montgomery Bus Boycott was ended when the United States Supreme Court declared Alabama laws requiring segregated buses illegal.
  • 1974 Ronald DeFeo, Jr. murders his entire family in Amityville, Long Island in the house that would become known as The Amityville Horror.
  • 1982 Ray Mancini defeats Duk Koo Kim in a boxing match held in Las Vegas, Nevada. Kim’s subsequent death (on November 17) leads to significant changes in the sport.
  • 1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is dedicated in Washington, D.C. after a march to its site by thousands of Vietnam War veterans.
  • 1986 The Compact of Free Association becomes law, granting the Federated States of Micronesia, the Marshall Islands independence from the United States.
  • 2002 The oil tanker Prestige sinks off the Galician coast and causes a huge oil spill.
  • 2013 The 4 World Trade Center officially opens.
  • 2015 A set of coordinated terror attacks in Paris, including multiple shootings, explosions, and a hostage crisis kill 130 people, seven attackers, and injured 368 others, with at least 80 critically wounded.

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A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm.
“Do you have any fishcakes?” he asks.

“Yes, of course,” says the fish shop owner.
“Great,” replies the man, nodding at the fish under his arm. “It’s his birthday.”
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I called UPS about an insurance claim I had filed on a package. I knew the automated voice response system wouldn’t be able to handle this issue so I immediately said, “customer service.”

It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and then insisted that I first pick from its menu, none of which items bore any resemblance to insurance claims. I tried “track a package.” It recited the status, followed by “Can I help you with anything else?” I said, more insistently, “customer service,” at which it complained that that was the most recent shipping information.

Exasperated–but a bit curious–I said, “STUPID MACHINE,” and after the little computing noise, it swiftly transferred me to customer service.
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ONE-LINERS: Ever Wonder…

~ Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
~ Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
~ What was the best thing before sliced bread?

~ If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to talk?
~ Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
~ Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
~ Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
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A gooberette had just completed a CPR course and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left a shopping center, she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people gathered around him.

Screaming, “I know first aid!” she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all his tight clothing, and got ready to start mouth-to-mouth.

At this stage a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Do you mind? I am trying to arrest this man.”
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The small town’s sheriff was also its veterinarian. One night the phone rang and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”
“Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?”
“Both. We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE PUN ZONE!

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, ”Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a holiday.”

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks him how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says it’s Kermit Jagger and that it’s ok, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he would need to secure some collateral against the loan and asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, ”Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny pink elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: ”There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow 30 grand. And he wants to use this as collateral”. She holds up the tiny pink elephant. ”I mean, what is this?”

The bank manager replies: ”It’s a knick-knack Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone”.
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In Marine Corps basic training, recruits quickly learn that everything they use “belongs” to the drill instructor. For instance, the DI refers to the contents of their footlockers as “my trash” and to the cots where they sleep as “my racks.”

One time, when some recruits were whispering in the bathroom, the DI overheard them. He suddenly yelled, “Why do I hear voices in my head?”
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Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, “Mother of Six,” in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff’s lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, “Anytime you’re ready, ‘Father of Four’.”
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Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. “Will you marry me, darling?” he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, “Yes, if you’ll buy me a mink.”

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, “Okay, it’s a deal, on one condition.”
“What is that?” Lisa asked.
“You’ll have to clean the cage,” Kurt replied.
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Nigel and Stephen, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Poitou-Charente, France, last year.

Slurping a large Bordeaux Supérieur, Nigel announces, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife, she hasn’t spoken to me in eighteen months.”

Stephen downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, “Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.”~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: How high is Angel Falls?
Venezuela’s Angel Falls are a mile high. They were originally discovered from an airplane.

~ When was the first recorded solar eclipse? The most ancient report of a solar eclipse is in Chinese records. The eclipse came without warning, according to legend, because the royal astronomers, Hsi and Ho, were too drunk to make the necessary computations. They were executed the only astronomers known to have been killed for dereliction of duty.

~ Which president was first in a car? Theodore Roosevelt was the first U.S. president to ride in an automobile.

~ What was the interrobang used for? For a short time in 1967, the American Typers Association invented a new punctuation mark that was a combination of the question mark and an exclamation point called an “interrobang.” It was intended to be used to express incredulity or disbelief. It never caught on with the general public, and it faded away.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” ― Linda Grayson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? – Sydney Harris

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