I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it. – Voltaire
TODAY – NOVEMBER 21st
325th day of the year (326th in leap years) with 40 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Alascattalo Day (To honor Alaskan humor; named after “alascattalo,” said to be the genetic cross between a moose and a walrus)
~ False Confession Day
~ Gingerbread Day
~ No Music Day (to draw attention to the cheapening of music as an art form due to its mindless use today)
~ World Hello Day (to express that conflicts should be resolved through communication rather than the use of force)
~ World Television Day
~ Adopt A Turkey Month
We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future. – Robin Sharma
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1694 Voltaire, French philosopher (advocated freedom of religion, free trade and separation of church and state)
- 1785 William Beaumont, Lebanon, Connecticut, surgeon in U.S. Army (known as “Father of Gastric Physiology”)
- 1834 Hetty Green, New Bedford, Massachusetts, business woman (1st woman to make an impact on Wall Street (The Witch of Wall Street))
- 1920 Stan Musial, Donora, Pennsylvania, retired pro baseball player (Stan the Man), 27-time All-Star selection, considered one of the greatest hitters in baseball history
- 1924 Christopher Reuel Tolkien, Leeds, England, editor / author (edited much of JRR Tolkien’s posthumously published work such as The Silmarillion, drew maps for The Lord of The Rings)
- 1933 Henry Warren Hartsfield, Jr., Birmingham, Alabama, retired U.S. Air Force officer / test pilot / NASA astronaut (over 480 hours in space: STS-4, STS-41-D, STS-61-A)
- 1934 Laurence Luckinbill, Fort Smith, Arkansas, actor (Poor Murderer, The Boys in the Band, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Dash and Lilly)
- 1937 Marlo Thomas, Detroit, Michigan, actress / producer/ National Outreach Director for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital (That Girl!, Jenny, Ocean’s Eight)
- 1943 Larry Mahan, Salem, Oregon, rodeo cowboy (World All Around Rodeo Champion 6 times, subject of documentary The Great American Cowboy, A Time to Revenge, Blood Trail)
- 1945 Goldie Hawn, Washington, D.C., actress (Cactus Flower, Shampoo, Private Benjamin, Bird on a Wire, Death Becomes Her, The First Wives Club, The Banger Sisters, Snatched)
- 1960 Brian McNamara, Long Island, New York, actor (Billionaire Boys Club, Arachnophobia, Short Circuit, Earth Star Voyager, Army Wives)
- 1962 Steven Curtis Chapman, Paducah, Kentucky, contemporary Christian musician
- 1969 Ken Griffey, Jr., Donora, Pennsylvania, retired baseball player (outfielder, designated hitter, considered one of the best baseball players, 630 home runs rank as the sixth-most in MLB history)
- 1975 Cherie Johnson, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, actress (Punky Brewster, Family Matters, Guardian of Eden, Plum, Crush, Who Can I Run To, Diva Diaries)
- 1984 Jena Malone, Sparks, Nevada, actress (Contact, Ellen Foster, Stepmom, Sucker Punch, The Neon Demon, The Public)
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. – Thich Nhat Hanh
- 1783 Jean de Rozier and the Marquis d’Arlandes, in Paris, made the first free-flight ascent in a balloon.
- 1789 North Carolina ratifies the United States Constitution and is admitted as the 12th U.S. state.
- 1877 Thomas Edison announces his invention of the phonograph, a machine that can record and play sound.
- 1905 Albert Einstein’s paper, Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?, is published in the journal “Annalen der Physik”. This paper reveals the relationship between energy and mass. This leads to the mass–energy equivalence formula E = mc².
- 1922 Rebecca Latimer Felton of Georgia takes the oath of office, becoming the first female United States Senator.
- 1968 Supremes & Temptations release “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me”
- 1969 The first permanent ARPANET link is established between UCLA and SRI.
- 1985 United States Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Pollard is arrested for spying after being caught giving Israel classified information on Arab nations. He is subsequently sentenced to life in prison.
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”
Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”
Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.
“Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”
“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” the game warden replied.
The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” the man asked.
“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.
“Call who back?” the man asked.
“What fish?” the man asked.
~ Is a shell-less turtle homeless, or just naked?
~ Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
~ What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
~ Is there another word for synonym?
~ Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
~ If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
~ Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”
Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t.
Finally she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”
Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”
Recently launched into the “real world” and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance.
“If you got married,” teased my dad, “the premium would be much lower.”
My brother smiled and said, “Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts.”
pic of the day: In honor of Adopt a Turkey Month
WARNING! PUN ZONE! Have you heard about …
… the elderly population expert? He took leave of his census.
… the elderly lawyer? He kept losing his appeal and expanding his briefs.
… the elderly accountant? The more her figure grew the more she lost her balance.
… the elderly programmer? She lost her memory.
… the elderly rabbi? He grew gray around the temples.
… the fellow who insisted he felt like a young colt? He looked more like an old .45.
… the elderly sailor? He got a little dinghy.
… the woman whose hair started turning gray? She thought she’d dye.
… the NBA team composed entirely of senior citizens? They’re called the Indiana Pacemakers.
… the blonde who performed magic? She extracted mink from old goats and pearls from old crabs.
from “The Gift of Age” (c) 2010 by Richard Lederer
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden. “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
“No,” said the farmer, “I get a dime for a tomato like that one.”
The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, “Will you take two pennies for that one?”
“Yes,” replied the farmer, “I’ll give you that one for two cents.”
“OK,” said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer’s hand, “I’ll pick it up in about a week.”
When I discovered my first gray hair, I immediately wrote to my parents: “Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too.” I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it.
My father’s response: “That gray hair you sent us isn’t the first one you gave us!”
SCIENCE FROM KIDS
~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.
~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
And Adam said, ”Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”
And God said, ”No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, ”But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, ”No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, ”Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility.”
And the Lord said, ”No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog wagged his tail.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where Did the Greeting “Hello” Come From The word hello has also been credited to Thomas Edison, specifically as a way to greet someone when answering the telephone. The word “hello” is an exclamation of surprise dating back to the Middle Ages.
~ By 1889, central telephone exchange operators were known as ‘hello-girls’ due to the association between the greeting and the telephone.
<~ How popular is Edward’s beverage? Root Beer was invented in Biloxi, Mississippi, in 1898 by Edward Adolf Barq, Sr.
~ How does food relate to hospitality in Poland? When traveling in Poland, tourists should know that Polish hospitality calls for ample food being offered and woe to the guest who declines. Yet the guest who grabs food without being encouraged disgraces himself. It’s a delicate balance to maintain courtesy. In Podhale, Poland, a host plays the role of nukac, “the one who urges.”
QUIP OF THE DAY: God Gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
QUIP OF THE DAY #2: “The difference between men and women is that if a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.” – Dave Barry
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Nothing will work unless you do. – John Wooden