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November 22nd

Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart, don’t know how to laugh either. – Golda Meir


TODAY – NOVEMBER 22nd

326th day of the year (327th in leap years) with 39 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Go For A Ride Day
~ National Cranberry Relish Day
~ Start Your Own Country Day
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The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek. – Celestine Chua
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1808 Thomas Cook, British travel entrepreneur (travel agency/travel books)
  • 1904 Louis Néel, Lyon, France, physicist (Nobel / pioneering studies of the magnetic properties of solids)
  • 1921 Rodney Dangerfield, Babylon, New York, comedian (Caddyshack, Back to School)
  • 1926 Arthur Jones, born in Arkansas & raised in Oklahoma, founder of Nautilus, Inc. and MedX, Inc.; inventor (Nautilus exercise machines)
  • 1930 Owen K Garriott, Enid, Oklahoma, former astronaut (60 days Skylab in 1973; 10 days Spacelab-1 in 1983); co-founder of Origin Systems
  • 1932 Robert Vaughn, NYC, actor (Napoleon Solo / Man from UNCLE, I Spy, Superman III)
  • 1935 Jesse B. King, Quinton, Oklahoma, estimator, farmer & all around good guy
  • 1941 Terry Stafford, Hollis, Oklahoma, singer and songwriter (Suspicion, Amarillo by Morning)
  • 1943 Billie Jean King, Long Beach, California, tennis pro (Wimbledon 1966, 67, 68, 72, 73, 75)
  • 1947 Valerie Wilson Wesley, Connecticut, author (Tamara Hayle mystery series)
  • 1958 Jamie Lee Curtis, Los Angeles, California, actress (True Lies, Halloween, Freaky Friday)
  • 1961 Mariel Hemingway, Mill Valley, California, actress (Between Truth and Lies, My Suicide)
  • 1967 Mark Ruffalo, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Zodiac )
  • 1984 Scarlett Johansson, New York City, New York, actress (He’s Just Not That into You , Iron Man 2 )

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Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.  – Wayne Dyer
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1718 British pirate Edward Teach (best known as “Blackbeard”) is killed in battle with a boarding party led by Lieutenant Robert Maynard off coast of NC.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Sherman’s March to the Sea: Confederate General John Bell Hood invades Tennessee in an unsuccessful attempt to draw Union General William T. Sherman from Georgia.
  • 1910 Arthur Knight patented steel shaft golf clubs.
  • 1943 World War II: War in the Pacific – U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-Shek meet in Cairo, Egypt, to discuss ways to defeat Japan.
  • 1954 The Humane Society of the United States is founded.
  • 1963 In Dallas, Texas, US President John F. Kennedy is killed and Texas Governor John B. Connally is seriously wounded by Lee Harvey Oswald, who is later captured and charged with the murder of police officer J. D. Tippit. That same day, US Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson is sworn in as the 36th President of the United States.
  • 1969 In American football, the University of Michigan upset Ohio State University, 24-12, in Bo Schembechler’s first season as Michigan’s head coach. The win set off the 10 Year War between Schembechler and Ohio State’s Woody Hayes.
  • 1986 Mike Tyson defeats Trevor Berbick to become youngest Heavyweight champion in boxing history.
  • 1987 Two Chicago television stations are hijacked by an unknown pirate dressed as Max Headroom.
  • 1988 In Palmdale, California, the first prototype B-2 Spirit stealth bomber is revealed.
  • 1990 Margaret Thatcher announces her resignation as British Prime Minister.
  • 1995 Toy Story is released as the first feature-length film created completely using computer-generated imagery.
  • 2008 YouTube hosts the largest ever live broadcast, YouTube Live.

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The grad with a Science degree asks, ”Why does it work?”
The grad with an Engineering degree asks, ”How does it work?”

The grad with an Accounting degree asks, ”How much will it cost?”
The grad with a Liberal Arts degree asks, ”Do you want fries with that?”
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A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed to a recruiting mission. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young Marine are interested in each other because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young Marine to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The commanding officer is sitting there thinking: “I didn’t think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the Marine kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life is good. When does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time?!”
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ONE-LINERS: 10 Good Reasons to buy fabric

1) It insulates the closet where it is kept.
2) It is less expensive and more fun than psychiatric care.
3) A sudden increase in the boll weevil population might wipe out the cotton crop for the next 10 years.

4) I’m participating in a contest – the one who dies with the most fabric wins!
5) Because I’m worth it!
6) It’s not immoral, illegal or fattening. It calms the nerves, gratifies the soul, and makes me feel good!

7) Buy it now, before your husband retires and goes with you on all your shopping expeditions.
8) It helps keep the economy going. It is our patriotic duty to protect the jobs of textile mill workers, and quilt shop staff with cute babies and grandchildren.

9) It keeps the dust off those previously empty spaces like the dining room table or the living room floor.
10) It keeps without refrigeration, you don’t have to cook it to enjoy it, you never have to feed it, burp it, change it, wipe its nose, or walk it!
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A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. “I missed you this morning,” the pastor says.

“Well, Rev’rund,” the farmer replied, “I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay.”
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
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pic of the day: Creek on Snowy Day

Creek and light snowfall
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This, and other, funny courtroom exchanges are taken from a little book called ‘Disorder in the Court’. They quote funny things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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A customer walks into a dress shop and ask, “May I try on that dress in the window?”
The salesperson replies, “We prefer you use the dressing rooms.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
~ Today a girl has only one ambition – to go out with every Tom, Dick, and marry.
~ Two guys stole everything out of a house except the soap and towels. They were dirty crooks!

~ A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, “Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!”
The new nurse asked another nurse, “Why is he doing that?”
The other nurse replied, “Oh, he is the new doctor. He just likes to call the shots around here.”
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On the first day of school the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
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A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, “What do you suggest I wash it down with?”
“Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
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Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cain and Abel when the boys were young. Cain and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.
Then they took a long look at where they lived. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.

“Daddy? Why don’t we live in there instead of out here?” they asked innocently.
Adam said, “Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where did the first flight of a hot-air balloon take place in 1783? In Annonay, France. Brothers and co-inventors Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier launched a 33-foot-diameter balloon, which rose 1,500 feet and traveled about 7,500 feet before landing. It was the first sustained flight of any object by humankind.

~How hungry are termites? A mature, well-established termite colony with as many as 60,000 members will eat only about one-fifth of an ounce of wood a day.

~ When did Start Your Own Country Day originate? Start Your Own Country Day was created at the 1939 New York World’s Fair, to honor “those free-spirited souls who dared to hope and believe in a better world where they too could declare any land their own.”

~ How are you supposed to celebrate Create Your Own Country Day? Think about what it would take to start your own country! The Montevideo Convention on the Rights and Duties of States, signed in 1933, says to be recognized internationally a country needs to meet four criteria: territory, government, a permanent population, and the ability to interact with other states. However, micronations have been created that do not meet all of these criteria such as The Principality of New Utopia, Kugelmugel, and The Principality of Hutt River.

~ What is Go For A Ride Day about? It encourages you to get out into the world –—- hop on your bike, into your car, or simply get your walking boots out of storage and go on a trip. You don’t need a destination and you certainly can bring family or friends along for company.

~The means of transportation can be anything. Some other ways of riding, that may prove more fun than the family vehicle:

  • Take a sleigh ride.
  • Ride a horse.
  • Ride a horse-drawn carriage.
  • Snowmobile rides are always “cool”.
  • A bicycle is a great, way to ride and exercise.
  • A boat ride, if your are a warmer climate.
  • Doesn’t a plane ride to a sunny vacation spot sound like fun!?
  • You can’t ride in my little red wagon. Okay, you can ride in it.

What are you waiting for! Go for a Ride!
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths – Steven Wright

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It’s no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. – Winston Churchill

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