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November 27th

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. – Oscar Wilde

TODAY – NOVEMBER 27th

331st day of the year (332nd in leap years) with 34 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Bavarian Cream Pie Day
~ National Craft Jerky Day
~ National Electric Guitar Day
~ Pie in the Face Day
~ Pins and Needles Day
~ Turtle Adoption Day
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Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman – Joseph Joubert
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1701 Anders Celsius, Swedish inventor and astronomer (proposed the Celsius temperature scale which takes his name)
  • 1746 Robert R. Livingston, New York city, New York, U.S. Secretary for Foreign Affairs / U.S. Minister to France (a U.S.  Founding Father, known as “The Chancellor” after the office he held for 25 years in New York / negotiated the Louisiana Purchase from France)
  • 1907 L. Sprague de Camp, New York City, New York, author (wrote over 100 books: Lest Darkness Fall, The Wheels of If, A Gun for Dinosaur, Aristotle and the Gun, The Glory That Was, Rogue Queen, Land of Unreason, The Goblin Tower, Swords and Sorcery)
  • 1917 Buffalo Bob Smith, Buffalo, New York, television host (Howdy Doody)
  • 1937 Gail Sheehy, Mamaroneck, New York, journalist & author (Speed is of the Essence, Spirit of Survival, The Silent Passage: Menopause, Passages in Caregiving)
  • 1940 Bruce Lee, San Francisco, California, martial arts expert (Jeet Kune Do), actor (Fist of Fury, Way of the Dragon, Enter the Dragon, The Game of Death), director
  • 1942 Jimi Hendrix, Seattle, Washington, rock musician (Considered greatest electric guitarist in popular music)
  • 1952 James “Wxb” Wetherbee, Flushing, Queens, New York, NASA astronaut (veteran of six Space Shuttle missions /only American to command five spaceflight missions: STS-32, STS-52, STS-63, STS-86, STS-102, STS-113)
  • 1955 Bill Nye, Washington, D.C.,  engineer and broadcaster (Bill Nye The Science Guy)
  • 1956 William Fichtner, Mitchel Air Force Base, East Meadow, New York,  actor (Armageddon, Prison Break, Entourage, Crossing Lines, Mom)
  • 1960 Michael Rispoli, Long Island, New York, actor (The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, Magic City, Madoff, The Deuce)
  • 1974 Kirk Acevedo, Brooklyn, New York,  actor (Oz, The Thin Red Line, Band of Brothers, Fringe, Collision Earth, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, 12 Monkeys, Arrow)
  • 1976 Jaleel White, Pasadena, California, actor (Steve Urkel in Family Matters; voice of Sonic the Hedgehog; season 14 of Dancing with the Stars; hosts Total Blackout, Me Myself & I)

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The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. – Flora Whittemore
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1901 The U.S. Army War College is established.
  • 1924 In New York City, the first Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is held.
  • 1934 Bank robber Baby Face Nelson dies in a shoot-out with the FBI.
  • 1963 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson makes his first address to Congress as president following the assassination of John F. Kennedy five days prior.
  • 1968 Penny Ann Early became the first woman to play major professional basketball, in an ABA game Kentucky Colonels vs. Los Angeles Stars.
  • 1971 The Soviet space program’s Mars 2 orbiter releases a descent module. It malfunctions and crashes, but it is the first man-made object to reach the surface of Mars.
  • 1978 In San Francisco, California, city mayor George Moscone and openly gay city supervisor Harvey Milk are assassinated by former supervisor Dan White.
  • 2005 The first partial human face transplant is completed in Amiens, France.
  • 2006 The Canadian House of Commons endorses Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s motion to declare Quebec a nation within a unified Canada.

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After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench. “Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.

Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”
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Deep In the back woods, a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there, said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

“No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ’em?
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ONE-LINERS:

~ I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
~ Few women admit their age; few men act it.
~ No one is listening until you make a mistake.

~ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
~ When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
~ Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

~ If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”
~ “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I Do,” is the longest sentence?
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A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

“Let’s see yer fishin’ license, Boy!” The Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”

“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”
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The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, “What’s a seven ten cap?”

She said “You know, it’s right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one.”

“What kind of a car is it on?” they asked.

Now I’m thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, “It’s a Buick.”

“OK lady, how big is it?”

She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.

“What does it do?” we asked.

She said, “I don’t know but it’s always been there.”

One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A guy goes into a fancy lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar, but the bouncer tells him he needs a necktie to get in.

The guy doesn’t have a necktie handy, so goes out to his car and gets his jumper cables. He ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot, and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the lounge.  The bouncer looks him up & down and then says, “Well, OK, I guess you can come in – just don’t start anything.”

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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
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My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn’t return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him.

“Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”
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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Enough is Enough

One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman’s voice asked for Ben.

Each time I politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn’t Ben, and she had a wrong number. The fifth time she called, I had had enough.

“Hello?” I said.

“Can I speak to Ben, please?”

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded.

“I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.”

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?”

“Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”

“The girl he went out with.”

“I know that! I mean… who is she?”

“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”

She was sounding pretty irate at this point. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?” Apparently she wasn’t.

“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which professionals have the largest vocabulary? Of all professionals in the United States, journalists are credited with having the largest vocabulary — approximately 20,000 words.

~ How strong is an ant? An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, which is equivalent to a human being pulling a 10-ton trailer.

~ How pure is 24 karat gold? Twenty-four-karat gold is not pure gold; there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.

~ What does Oxford have to say about sheep? Oxford University requires all members upon admission to the Bodleian Library to read aloud a pledge that includes an agreement to not “kindle therein any fire or flame.” Regulations also prohibit readers bringing sheep into the library.

~ How high is Lake Erie? Lake Erie is about 326 feet higher than Lake Ontario. The Welland Canal provides a navigable waterway between the two. The Canal stretches 27 miles and uses 8 locks to raise and lower the ships. More than 3,000 ships pass through the waterway annually.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city – George Burns

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. ― Mother Teresa

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