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November 4th

You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. – Eric Hoffer


TODAY – NOVEMBER 4th

308th day of the year (309th in leap years) with 57 days follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ King Tut Day
~ National Candy Day
~ National Chicken Lady Day
~ Use Your Common Sense Day
~ Waiting for the Barbarians Day
~ Will Rogers Day (in Oklahoma)
~ Adopt A Senior Pet Month
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Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. – Carl Bard
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1879 Will Rogers, Oologah Indian Territory (now Oklahoma), cowboy / humorist / social commentator / actor (traveled around the world 3 times, made 71 movies, and wrote more than 4,000 newspaper columns)
  • 1884 Harry Ferguson, Irish aviator and inventor (developed first four-wheel drive Formula One car, the Ferguson P99)
  • 1916 Ruth Mosko Handler, Denver, Colorado, inventor / businesswoman (created the Barbie Doll (1959), and Ken (1961); co-founded the Mattel company in 1942)
  • 1916 Walter Cronkite, St Joseph, Missouri, news anchor (CBS Evening News 1962-81)
  • 1937 Loretta Swit, Passaic, New Jersey, actress (Hotlips Houlihan on M*A*S*H (1972-83), Race with the Devil, Forest Warrior)
  • 1944 Linda Gary, California, voice actress (Wolfen, Switch, Alien Worlds, Scooby Doo, Darkwing Duck, Smurfs, Transformers, The Land Before Time, He-Man, She-Ra)
  • 1946 Laura Bush, Midland, Texas, U.S. First Lady (Jan. 2001 – Jan. 2009)
  • 1950 Markie Post, [Marjorie], Palo Alto, California, actor (Night Court, The Fall Guy, Hearts Afire, There’s Something About Mary, Transformers Prime, Rack and Ruin, Chicago P.D.)
  • 1961 Ralph Macchio, Huntington (CDP), New York, actor (Karate Kid, The Outsiders, My Cousin Vinny, Ugly Betty, Lost Cat Corona, The Deuce)
  • 1969 Sean “Diddy” Combs, Harlem, New York, record producer and rapper (“I’ll Be Missing You” )
  • 1969 Matthew McConaughey, Uvalde, Texas, actor (The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Contact, A Time To Kill, Mud, The Wolf of Wall Street, True Detective, Interstellar, The Dark Tower)
  • 1970 Bethenny Frankel, New York City, New York, actress (The Real Housewives of New York City), talk show host, and author (Naturally Thin: Unleash Your SkinnyGirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting, A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life)
  • 1982 Travis Van Winkle, Victorville, California, actor (Transformers, Meet the Spartans, Friday the 13th, Bloodwork, The Last Ship)

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Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. – John Lennon
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1846 First U.S. patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin F. Palmer of Meredith, New Hampshire (No. 4,834).
  • 1873 Dentist John Beers of San Francisco, California, patented the gold crown (No. 144,182).
  • 1879 James Ritty patented the first cash register, to combat stealing by bartenders in his Dayton, Ohio saloon.
  • 1922 In Egypt, British archaeologist Howard Carter and his men find the entrance to Pharaoh Tutankhamun’s tomb in the Valley of the Kings.
  • 1924 Nellie Tayloe Ross of Wyoming is elected the first female governor in the United States.
  • 1948 TS Eliot wins Nobel Prize for literature (“for his outstanding, pioneer contribution to present-day poetry”).
  • 1952 The United States government establishes the National Security Agency.
  • 1962 In a test of the Nike-Hercules air defense missile, Shot Dominic-Tightrope is successfully detonated 69,000 feet above Johnston Island. It would also be the last atmospheric nuclear test conducted by the United States.
  • 1966 Two-thirds of Florence, Italy is submerged as the River Arno floods; together with the contemporaneous flood of the Po River in northern Italy, this leads to 113 deaths, 30,000 made homeless, and the destruction of numerous Renaissance artworks and books.
  • 1979 Iran hostage crisis begins: a group of Iranians, mostly students, invades the US embassy in Tehran and takes 90 hostages (53 of whom are American).
  • 1994 San Francisco: First conference that focuses exclusively on the subject of the commercial potential of the World Wide Web.
  • 2008 Barack Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected President of the United States.

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Two guys got off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.

One of them picks up one of his drinks and turning to the other man says, “Cheers!”
The other man turns to the first man and asks, “Hey, did you come here to B.S. or did you come here to drink?”
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My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.

As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t, like the other one?”
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ONE-LINERS: If Cable Television Worked Like Your Computer. . .

10. When you turn on your television, you’ll hear “You’ve got Pay Per View”.
9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just won’t work.
8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivalent to a busy signal.

7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.
6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can’t cancel, no matter how hard you try.
5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.

4. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.
3. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz…. again.

2. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don’t have a “real” cable company like they do.
1. “You’ve been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated.”
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Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She’d bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.

I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, “Why have bumpers if you’re not going to use them once in a while?”
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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and, after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”
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pic of the day: Shetland Sheep Ewe on Frosty Morning

Shetland sheep
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A gooberette owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business.”

She didn’t win.

So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car.”

Still, she didn’t win.

So the next day she was about to lose her business, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business, my car and my house.”

Then suddenly the gooberette was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, “Buy a ticket!!!”
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One of the world’s most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily.

While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside, and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

“Port: Left; Starboard: Right.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Why couldn’t the woman buy a bakery shop?
She couldn’t raise enough dough.

—-

A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a bank to get a loan. He talks to a teller named Patty Mack. Patty asks the frog what he has for collateral.

The frog pulls out a small figurine, but Patty says, “I’m sorry, that’s just a cheap knick knack.”

The bank manager had been walking by at the time and overheard the conversation.

Looking over, he said, “This figurine is three hundred years old — it’s priceless.

That’s no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

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Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows, so he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes.

The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk.

But when the news got around, Farmer Jones and his cows were called the laughing stock of the community.
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“I’m thinking of getting a dog.”
“What breed?”

“A black lab.”
“Don’t do it! Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”
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Mary hated the idea of surgery. So she was very upset when the doctor informed her that she needed a tonsillectomy.

Mary after much deliberation, decided to go ahead and have the procedure.

While she and the nurse were filling out an admission form, she was so nervous she couldn’t think straight or hardly speak. The nurse, being a compassionate sort, patted her hand and said, “Don’t worry. This
is a simple medical procedure, and a problem that can easily be fixed.”

“I am sure you are right. I’m being silly,” Mary said, “Please continue.”
“Good,” the nurse went on, “Now, do you have a living will?”
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My wife was grading a science test at home that she had given to her elementary-school class and was reading some of the results to me.

The subject was the human body, and the first question was: “Name one of the major functions of your skin.”
One child wrote: “To keep people who look at you from throwing up.”
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The first grade teacher asks, “Andrew, what do we call the outside of a tree?”

He clearly has no idea. The girl sitting next to him whispers to him, “Bark, Andrew, Bark.”
Andrew perks up and says, “Bow-wow!”
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An airhead was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Do your friends cheat at gambling? According to Gambler’s Digest, more cheating takes place in private, friendly gambling games than in all other gambling games combined.

~ Could Swift look into the future? Maybe not, but he was remarkably prescient on at least one fact — In Gulliver’s Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more that a hundred years before either moon was discovered.

~ What is Waiting for Barbarians Day? “Waiting for the Barbarians” is the title a 1904 Greek poem by Constantine P. Cavafy. It’s an ironic poem about the intersection of politics and cultures. It depicts a day in an unnamed city-state where everything has come to a halt because the population is awaiting the arrival of “the barbarians”, who they plan to welcome. (Read and/ or listen to the poem by clicking HERE.
It also happens to be the title of of a book by South African writer J.M. Coetzee. It’s about a small town magistrate who gets caught up in a war plot that involved capturing local “barbarians” to torture and kill them. The magistrate falls in love with a barbarian girl who has been severely disfigured, and the magistrate has to decide exactly where his loyalties lie.
Also named for the poem is the 1998 essay collection by Lewis H. Lapham and Waiting for the Barbarians, the 2013 essay collection by Daniel Mendelsohn.

What is National Chicken Lady Day? It’s a day that honors Dr. Marthenia “Tina” Dupree. Dr. Dupree worked for the second largest chicken restaurant in the world as Director of Community Relations and Training. She was widely known due to her work in the community. Within this time and among the people that she worked with and helped, she became known as “The Chicken Lady.”
For more than two decades, Dr. Dupree helped to teach, train and certify hundreds of professional speakers, authors and trainers. In 2001, National Chicken Lady Day was created as a day that everyone she has helped over the years, along with the trickling effect of the help that those people give to millions of others, can say “thank you”.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Living beyond your means takes twice as much money as it used to.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. – Christian D. Larson

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