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November 9th

For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else. – Sir Winston Churchill


TODAY – NOVEMBER 9th

313th day of the year (314th in leap years) with 52 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Chaos Never Dies Day
~ Microtia Awareness Day
~ National Louisiana Day
~ National Scrapple Day
~ World Freedom Day (commemorates fall of Berlin Wall)
~ Native American Heritage Month
~ National Georgia Pecan Month
~ National Sleep Comfort Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1906 Arthur Rudolph, German / American rocket engineer (key role in development of V-2 rocket / pioneer of U.S. Space program)
  • 1913 Hedy Lamarr, Vienna, Austria, actress and inventor (known for her great beauty, but also co-invented the first form of spread spectrum, a key to modern wireless communication. Beauty & Brains!)
  • 1934 Carl Sagan, New York City, New York, astronomer/author/professor (Cosmos, Broca’s Brain)
  • 1936 Mary Travers, Louisville, Kentucky, singer and songwriter (Peter, Paul and Mary)
  • 1941 Tom Fogerty, Berkeley, California,  musician (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
  • 1942 Tom Weiskopf, Massillon, Ohio, golfer (won 16 PGA Tour titles 1968-1982), golf course architect, and sportscaster (CBS, ABC, ESPN)
  • 1947 Robert David Hall, East Orange, New Jersey,  actor (Starship Troopers, Dr. Al Robbins / CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
  • 1951 Lou Ferrigno, Brooklyn, New York,  bodybuilder and star of The Incredible Hulk
  • 1964 Robert Duncan McNeill, Raleigh, North Carolina,  actor / director  (Tom Paris in Star Trek: Voyager )
  • 1972 Eric Dane, San Francisco, California, actor (Dr. Mark Sloane – Grey’s Anatomy; X-Men the Last Stand)
  • 1981 Scottie Thompson, Richmond, Virginia, actress (Brotherhood, Trauma, Lookalike, The Blacklist, NCIS, The Leisure Class)

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Truth is the only safe ground to stand on. – Elizabeth Cady Stanton
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1862 American Civil War: Union General Ambrose Burnside assumes command of the Army of the Potomac, after George B. McClellan is removed.
  • 1906 Theodore Roosevelt is the first sitting President of the United States to make an official trip outside the country (to inspect progress on the Panama Canal).
  • 1921 Albert Einstein is awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for his work with the photoelectric effect.
  • 1935 The Congress of Industrial Organizations is founded in Atlantic City, New Jersey by eight trade unions belonging to the American Federation of Labor.
  • 1960 Robert McNamara is named president of Ford Motor Co., the first non-Ford to serve in that post. A month later, he quit to join the newly-elected John F. Kennedy administration.
  • 1965 Several U.S. states and parts of Canada are hit by a series of blackouts lasting up to 13 hours in the Northeast Blackout of 1965.
  • 1967 Apollo program: NASA launches the unmanned Apollo 4 test spacecraft atop the first Saturn V rocket from Cape Kennedy, Florida.
  • 1967 First issue of Rolling Stone Magazine is published.
  • 1989 Fall of the Berlin Wall. Communist-controlled East Germany opens checkpoints in the Berlin Wall allowing its citizens to freely travel to West Germany. People start demolishing the Berlin Wall.
  • 1994 The chemical element Darmstadtium is discovered.
  • 1998 Brokerage houses are ordered to pay 1.03 billion USD to cheated NASDAQ investors to compensate for their price-fixing. This is the largest civil settlement in United States history.
  • 2005 The Venus Express mission of the European Space Agency is launched from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan.

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Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun…

~ “I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.
~ “I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.
~ “Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

~ “This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.
~ “I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.
~ “Who would want to steal modern art?” asked Tom abstractedly.

~ “I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
~ “Now I can chop down that tree,” said Tom with a heavy accent.
~ “Let’s all play an A, a C sharp, and an E,” cried Tom’s band with one accord.

~ “There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.
~ “I gave the donkey some vinegar,” said Tom acidly.
~ “They are not answering – we’d better try the knocker,” said Tom adoringly.

~ “Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.
~ “I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.
~ “There’s no need for silence,” Tom allowed.

~ “It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.
~ “My investments are worth more every day,” said Tom appreciatively.
~ “These are the propulsion systems used by NASA for the moonshots,” said Tom apologetically.

~ “I’ll take that,” said Tom appropriately.
~ “It’s between my sole and my heel,” said Tom archly.
~ “You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

~ “I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.
~ “The cheque is in the post,” Tom assented.
~ “I have to keep this fire alight,” Tom bellowed.

~ “” said Tom blankly.
~ “This boat is leaking,” said Tom balefully.
~ “I don’t think it deserves a 10,” Tom said beratingly.

~ “This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.
~ “Give me a haircut,” Tom said barbarously.
~ “I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

~ “Sure I can climb cliffs!” Tom bluffed.
~ “This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.
~ “I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.

~ “Use your own toothbrush!” Tom bristled.
~ “I fought with Geronimo,” said Tom bravely.
~ “I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.
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Gal 1: “Hey, you look sad, what’s the trouble?”
Gal 2: “Domestic trouble.”

Gal 1: “But you always bragged that your husband is a pearl!”
Gal 2: “He still is. It’s the mother-of-pearl that makes all the trouble.”
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ONE-LINERS:

~ Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.
~ Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
~ Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.

~ The closest some people ever get to a 4.0 in school is their blood alcohol content.
~ The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
~ Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up!! You don’t know where it’s been!!”
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I was teaching set theory to a second-grade class. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a set of items according to their common characteristics.

Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a bundt cake and ring cookies. Correct answers might have included all the items are edible, or have holes in the center.

But one health-conscious boy’s response was, “All those things have too many calories.”
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I sold an item through eBay but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down.
“It’s not that simple,” the clerk scolded. “You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll take one.”
He rummaged under his counter, then went to ask some other clerks, who did the same — only to return and confess, “You’ll have to come back later. We can’t find the forms.”
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pic of the day: Maremma Sheepdog and Goat Kids…


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A young man I had a crush on returned home from a long overseas tour of duty in the Army.
As we talked, he told me with great sincerity how glad he was to be back.

My heart flew, and I asked him what he had missed most.
He looked into my eyes and replied, “Wheel of Fortune.”
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This is the city, Los Angeles California. I was working the day watch out of Bunco. It’s Tuesday, three in the afternoon. The LAPD has picked up a con artist on a section 872, the old Fountain of Youth scam. The guy is selling bottles filled with a liquid that he claims slows the aging process.

I tell my partner, “Frank, check his record. My gut tells me that our boy has played this game before.”
“You’re right, Joe. he’s got priors. He was busted for the same thing in 1815, 1887, 1921 …”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

— An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

— Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

— Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,”I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.

— I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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My friend hates to exercise, which means the treadmill in her bedroom barely gets used. Nevertheless, she swears by it.

“It really works,” she told me. “I throw my jeans over it and they get smaller.”
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At the University of Maine, proper attire is required in the dining rooms.
The management posted this notice: “Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria.”

Next to it, a student added, “Socks can eat wherever they want.”
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Procrastinator’s Creed
You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.

8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
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A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in Latin America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
“This temple is 2503 years old”, replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
“Easy”, replies the guide, “the archaeologists said the temple was 2500 years old, and that was three years ago.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Is Snakes and Ladders still popular today? Snakes and ladders’ simplicity and the see-sawing nature of the contest make it popular with younger children, but the lack of any skill component in the game generally makes it less appealing for older players. The most widely known edition of Snakes and Ladders in the U.S. is Chutes and Ladders, produced by Milton Bradley (which was purchased by the game’s current distributor Hasbro). It is played on a 10×10 board, and players advance their pieces according to a spinner rather than a die. The theme of the board design is playground equipment-children climb ladders to go down chutes (slides).

~ What did Bogie say about James? Humphrey Bogart made the following disparaging comment about James Dean, who died in a car crash at age 24: “If he’d have lived, they’d have discovered he wasn’t a legend.” Now more than six decades after his death, with the use of CGI James Dean has been “cast” in a new film and some people are angry about it. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Dean will appear in the forthcoming Vietnam-era action drama “Finding Jack.”

~ What did people have against gummed envelopes? The first envelopes with gummed flaps were produced in 1844. In Britain, they were not immediately popular because it was thought to be a serious insult to send a person’s saliva to someone else.

~ What is Microtia Awareness Day? It’s a day for spreading information about a congenital disability, which derives its name from the Latin words for ‘little ears’. Approximately one child in every 9,000 is born with Microtia which happens when one or both ears do not fully develop during the 1st trimester of pregnancy. It can cause hearing loss, facial challenges, and social problems.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win – Mahatma Gandhi

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well. – Mohandas K. Gandhi

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