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October 13th

Health is not valued till sickness comes.- Dr. Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732


TODAY – OCTOBER 13th

286th day of the year (287th in leap years) with 79 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Day for Failure
~ International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
~ International Plain Language Day
~ International Skeptics Day
~ International Suit Up Day
~ National M&M Day
~ National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day
~ National No Bra Day
~ National Train Your Brain Day
~ National Yorkshire Pudding Day
~ Silly Sayings Day
~ Treat Yo’ Self Day
~ US Navy Birthday (USN)
~ World Thrombosis Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1821 Rudolf Virchow, German physician, pathologist, biologist, and politician (Cellular pathology biogenesis (the father of modern pathology))
  • 1890 Conrad Richter, Pottsville, Pennsylvania, author (The Sea of Grass, The Town, The Waters of Kronos)
  • 1925 Margaret Thatcher, English politician, (Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 1979 – 1990)
  • 1932 Jack Colvin, Lyndon, Kansas, actor (Jack McGee in The Incredible Hulk (1977-1982); Dr. Ardmore in Child’s Play)
  • 1939 Melinda Dillon, Hope, Arkansas, actress (Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Absence of Malice, A Christmas Story, Harry and the Hendersons, Magnolia)
  • 1941 Paul Simon, Newark, New Jersey , singer and musician (Simon & Garfunkel)
  • 1946 Demond Wilson, Valdosta, Georgia, pastor and actor (Sanford & Son, The New Odd Couple)
  • 1950 Mollie Katzen, Rochester, New York, chef and author (Moosewood Cookbook, The Enchanted Broccoli Forest, Eat Drink & Weigh Less)
  • 1952 John Lone, Hong Kong-American actor (The Last Emperor, The Shadow, Rush Hour 2, War)
  • 1959 Marie Osmond, Ogden, Utah, entertainer (Marie Osmond Show; Donny & Marie Show; Dancing W/the Stars Season 5)
  • 1962 Kelly Preston, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Mischief, Space Camp, Twins, Waiting to Exhale, Jerry Maguire, Battlefield Earth, Sky High, Old Dogs, Gotti: In the Shadow of My Father)
  • 1962 Jerry Rice, Starkville, Mississippi, football star (wide receiver, 3 Superbowl rings, Dancing w/the Stars Season 2)
  • 1964 Allen Covert, West Palm Beach, Florida, actor (Strange Wilderness, Bedtime Stories, Paul Blart Mall Cop )
  • 1964 Christopher Judge, Los Angeles, actor (Teal’c in Stargate SG-1; He-Man, Magneto in X-Men Evolution, Sharknado 3, Lowlifes)
  • 1967 Kate Walsh, San Jose, California, actress (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Under the Tuscan Sun, Legion, Bad Judge, Thirteen Reasons Why)
  • 1969 Nancy Kerrigan, Woburn, Massachusetts, figure skater (1993 US National Champion, 1994 Olympic silver medalist)
  • 1977 Kiele Sanchez, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Married to the Kellys, Related, Lost, The Glades, 30 Days of Night, The Purge: Anarchy, Kingdom)

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Drive thy business or it will drive thee. – Benjamin Franklin
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 54 Nero ascends to the Roman throne.
  • 1775 United States Continental Congress orders the establishment of the Continental Navy (later renamed the United States Navy).
  • 1792 In Washington, D.C., the cornerstone of the United States Executive Mansion (known as the White House since 1818) is laid.
  • 1884 Greenwich is established as universal time meridian of longitude.
  • 1885 The Georgia Institute of Technology (Georgia Tech) is founded in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • 1967 The first game in the history of the American Basketball Association is played as the Anaheim Amigos lose to the Oakland Oaks 134-129 in Oakland, California.
  • 1976 The first electron micrograph of an Ebola viral particle was obtained by Dr. F.A. Murphy, now at U.C. Davis, who was then working at the C.D.C.
  • 1977 Four Palestinians hijack Lufthansa Flight 181 to Somalia and demand release of 11 members of the Red Army Faction.
  • 1983 Ameritech Mobile Communications (now AT&T) launched the first US cellular network in Chicago, Illinois.
  • 2010 Copiapó mining accident in Chile comes to an end as all 33 miners arrive at the surface after surviving a record 69 days underground awaiting rescue.

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The big-time CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked an employee to write him a punchy 20-minute speech.

When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. “What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?” he demanded. “Half the audience walked out before I finished.”

The employee was baffled. “I wrote you a 20-minute speech,” he replied. “I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for.”

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COMMON HOLLYWOOD CLICHES

* Aliens – No matter where they came from, their entire planet has learned how to live in peace and they have but one culture, one language, one style of clothing, etc.

* Baths – Bubbles hide everything and never dissipate.

* Bars – Troubled men gulp their drinks in one shot and immediately ask for another.

* Bombs – Every single bomb has a digital display showing exactly when it will go off.

* Cars – No one ever locks their car upon exiting it.

* Car Chases – No matter where you are, there will be a Korean grocer with his vegetables out on the sidewalk for display in easily smashable wooden crates.

* Dinner – Just met? Chinese takeout. Romantic dinner by candlelight? The other person never shows up. Family meal? Someone will get upset after a few bites and storm away from the table.

* Fights – If you’re supposed to win in the end, you will lose the first round. Every time.

* Health – Have a cough? You’ll be dead or declared terminal by the end of the reel.

* Locks – All doors can be opened or lock-picked with a credit card or hairpin.

* Radio/TV – Everything you need to know is heard or seen within moments of turning the set on. You then immediately turn it back off.

* Schools – The bell always ring in the middle of the teacher’s sentence.

* Soldiers – If a soldier shows a buddy a picture of his small-town sweetheart, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about his dream vacation, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about what he wants to do when he gets out of the service, he will—well, you get the idea.

* Technology – From any computer or smartphone, you can access the files of the villain’s corporation. All video screens, no matter the size or model, will show a crystal clear 3-D reproduction of the image. Every single person knows how to type very quickly.

* Weather – The weather serves only to emphasize the plot. Things going badly? Rain. Things going well? Sunny and warm. Occasionally the weather *is* the plot.

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ONE-LINERS: COMPUTER DICTIONARY:

~ OBSOLETE: Any computer you own.
~ STATE-OF-THE-ART: Any computer you can’t afford.
~ MICROSECOND: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

~ KEYBOARD: The standard way to generate computer errors.
~ MOUSE: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
~ SYNTAX ERROR: Walking into a computer store and saying… ‘Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.’

~ FLOPPY: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
~ GUI (pronounced ‘gooey’): What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
~ HARD DRIVE: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

~ 486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
~ POWER USER: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
~ DISK CRASH: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

~ SYSTEM UPDATE: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
~ PORTABLE COMPUTER: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
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A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend.
He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is.

Predictably, he’s hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks.
It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling.

He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened and asks the desert man, ‘Why’d you ruin my good tea kettle?’

The desert man replies, ‘Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.’
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My wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock.
One day she called the orderly room to speak with me.

The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall.

“He can be reached at 4700, Ma’am,” the soldier advised.
With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, “And just what time is that?”
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pic of the day: Fall Butterfly

orange and black butterfly
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There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word.
Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived.
He visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.”
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The traveling salesman was a frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags.

He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

He walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

“I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?”,he asked.
“Actually”, the man replied, “I was wondering who did this to my luggage.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: What did the vampire say when he was invited to dinner?
A: “No fangs, I just ate necks door.”
—-

Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. Finding half a worm!!
—-

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he neverlands.
(This joke never grows old – and it has a nice hook…)
—-

~ Santa’s helpers are known as subordinate Clauses.
~ She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

~ The two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
~ I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

~ I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
~ A vulture boards a plane, carrying two dead possums. The attendant looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carry on allowed per passenger.”
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Teacher: Tommy, your essay about your dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Tommy: Ma’am, it’s the same dog.

Teacher: Name one important thing that we have today which we didn’t have 10 years ago.
Wendy: Me!

Teacher: Jake, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Jake: A teacher.

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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

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A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. At Sunday dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.

When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, “I’ve heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you’re the first one I’ve met who passed out a sample!”

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A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. ‘You don’t have to let your wife bully you,’ he said. ‘Go home and show her you’re the boss.’

The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, ‘From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?’

‘I certainly do,’ said his wife calmly. ‘The undertaker.’

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where would you see a gold mosaic ceiling? 
The golden mosaic ceiling inside the main entrance of the Royal Ontario Museum is one of the museum’s most magnificent features. The ceiling is made from cut squares of imported Venetian glass. Its sparkling gold, rust, and bronze background is inset with red, blue, and turquoise patterns, similar to the colorful mosaics of the Byzantine world and Eastern Europe. Worked out on the golden field are geometrical borders and panels. These frame decorative floral designs and sixteen pictorial images symbolizing different historical cultures.

~ What is International Day for Failure about?
This is a day when people will be encouraged to throw away the shame associated with failing, whether the failure is personal or professional. Without the possibility of failure there is no success, they go hand-in-hand. After all, failure means you have grabbed the opportunity to succeed. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy.

~ What is International Suit Up Day about?
Today people suit up in honor of Barney Stinson, the suit-wearing character played by Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother, a comedy that ran on CBS from 2005 to 2014. Stinson not only always wore a suit but “suit up” was one of his catchphrases.

~ How long does a mockingbird live? 
The life expectancy of the average mockingbird is 10 years.

~ How long is China’s Great Wall? 
If you walked the entire length of the China’s Great Wall, you would be walking farther than the distance between New York City and Miami, Florida. The wall stretches for over 1,500 miles. The driving distance between New York and Miami is just over 1,250 miles – provided you don’t get lost.

~ What did Herman’s punch cards lead to? 
In the year 1886, Herman Hollerith had the idea of using punched cards to keep and transport information, a technology used up to the late 1970s. This device was originally constructed to allow the 1890 census to be tabulated. In 1896, the Tabulating Machine Company was founded by Hollerith. Twenty-eight years later in 1924, after several take-overs, the company became known as International Business Machines (IBM).

~ Where did the term ‘grease monkey’ come from?
The word “grease monkey” comes from the person (usually a young boy) that would crawl up in the rafters to grease all of the pulleys and belts that ran all of the equipment in a blacksmith shop or machine shop.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.” – Albert Camus

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Never do things others can do and will do, if there are things others cannot do or will not do. – Amelia Earhart

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