Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. – Henry van Dyke
TODAY – OCTOBER 14th
287th day of the year (288th in leap years) with 78 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Be Bald and Free Day
~ National Chocolate-Covered Insects Day
~ National Dessert Day
~ World Standards Day
~ National Dessert Month
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1644 William Penn, English founder of Pennsylvania
- 1890 Dwight D. Eisenhower, Denison, Texas, U.S. general and 34th President of the United States (1953-1961)
- 1921 Lillian Gish, Springfield, Ohio, actress (The First Lady of American Cinema / Birth of a Nation, Duel in the Sun, Night of the Hunter, The Whales of August)
- 1894 E. E. Cummings, Cambridge, poet (The Enormous Room )
- 1914 Raymond Davis Jr., Washington, D.C., physicist (Nobel / astrophysics: detection of neutrinos)
- 1916 C. Everett Koop, Brooklyn, New York, 13th United States Surgeon General (1981-89)
- 1927 Roger Moore, English actor (7 James Bond movies, Simon Templar in The Saint)
- 1939 Ralph Lauren, New York City, New York, fashion designer (founded the Ralph Lauren Corporation)
- 1950 Joey Travolta, Englewood, New Jersey, actor, producer, director and writer ( produced the 2006 documentary film about autism, Normal People Scare Me)
- 1952 Harry Anderson, Newport, Rhode Island, actor (Night Court, Dave’s World, A Matter of Faith)
- 1953 Greg Evigan, South Amboy, New Jersey, actor (B.J. and the Bear, My Two Dads, DeepStar Six, TekWar, Invasion Roswell, Terror Birds) and singer
- 1963 Lori Petty, Chattanooga, Tennessee, actress (Point Break, A League of Their Own, Tank Girl, Orange is the New Black)
- 1969 David Strickland, Long Island, New York, actor (Mad About You, Suddenly Susan)
- 1977 Jeffrey Garcia, La Puente, California, voice actor (Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, The Jimmy Timmy Power Hour, Transformers: Robots in Disguise)
- 1978 Usher, Chattanooga, Tennessee, singer and actor, album (My Way, Versus)
- 1988 Max Thieriot, Los Altos Hills, California, actor (The Pacifier, The Astronaut Farmer, Foreverland, House at the End of the Street, Disconnect, Bates Motel, Texas Rising)
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring. – Oscar Wilde
- 1656 Massachusetts enacts the first punitive legislation against the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). The marriage of church-and-state in Puritanism makes them regard the Quakers as spiritually apostate and politically subversive.
- 1773 The United Kingdom’s East India Company tea ships’ cargo are burned at Annapolis, Maryland.
- 1834 In Philadelphia, members of the American Whig Party and American Democrats carry out a brick, stone, and firearm, battle for the control of an election in Moyamensing Township, resulting in one death, several injuries, and the burning down of a block of the town’s buildings.
- 1884 The American inventor, George Eastman, receives a U.S. Government patent on his new paper-strip photographic film.
- 1888 Louis Le Prince films first motion picture: Roundhay Garden Scene.
- 1910 The English aviator Claude Grahame-White lands his Farman Aircraft biplane on Executive Avenue near the White House in Washington, D.C.
- 1912 While campaigning in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, is shot and mildly wounded by John Schrank, who was angry with Roosevelt for some reason. With the fresh wound in his chest, and the bullet still within it, Mr. Roosevelt still carries out his scheduled public speech.
- 1926 The children’s book Winnie-the-Pooh, by A.A. Milne, is first published.
- 1947 Captain Chuck Yeager of the U.S. Air Force flies a Bell X-1 rocket-powered experimental aircraft, the Glamorous Glennis, faster than the speed of sound – over the high desert of Southern California – and becomes the first pilot and the first airplane to do so in level flight.
- 1968 The first live telecast from any manned spacecraft, the Apollo 7, performed by crew.
- 1968 Jim Hines of the United States of America becomes the first man ever to break the so-called “ten-second barrier” in the 100-meter sprint in the Summer Olympic Games held in Mexico City with a time of 9.95 seconds. Hines remained the only athlete to sprint 100 meters in under 10.0 seconds until the year 1977.
- 2012 Felix Baumgartner successfully jumps to Earth from a balloon in the stratosphere.
GOLDEN OLDIE… Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, ‘When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!’
There were three men stranded on a dessert island. As it happens on desert islands, one of them found a bottle with a genie. The genie said “Because there are three of you, you each get one wish.”
The first guy said “I want a limo.” BOOM He has a limo.
The second guy said “I want a million dollars.” Boom he is swimming in money.
The third guy said ” I want to be irresistible to women.” BOOM he turns into a CHOCOLATE BAR!
ONE-LINERS: The Things Kids Say…
~ JACK (age 3 )was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister… After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’
~ MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”
~ STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night: “I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”
~ BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”
~ SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”
~ DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”
~ CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him. He replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?”
~ MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”
~ TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”
~ JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”
The day before the wedding, the mother of the bride told her daughter, ”You must preserve your feminine mystique, so don’t ever let your husband see you without at least one article of clothing on.” The bride thanked her mother for the advice and promised that she would heed it.
A month later, the groom went to his mother-in-law and asked, ”Is there any insanity in your family?”
”Certainly not,” she snapped, ”Why do you ask?”
”Well,” he said, ”since I’ve been married to your daughter, I have never seen her with her hat off.”
History of Medicine
For people in a hurry, we have compiled this short history of medicine, using as an example the treatment of that common ailment, the ear ache.
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2006 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
pic of the day: Tree with yellow fall foliage…
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “Dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the “Divider” looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me “Do you know how much this is?”
I said to her “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”
She said “OK” and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, Dad!”
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”
~ A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.”
~ A termite walks into a bar and says, “Is the bar tender here?”
~ Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here.”
~ “Doctor! Doctor! You’ve gotta help me! I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.”
“I see. You’re concerned because your next bowel movement could spell disaster.”
~ An eagle and a hawk had a difference of a pinion.
~ Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
~ A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
~ Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
~ Did you hear about the farmer who wanted to buy a thousand hens, but didn’t have the money … so … He put them on a layaway plan!
John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.
“Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?”
“I can’t thank you enough, sir,” replied the waiter. “I hardly ever get a compliment.”
A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”
I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check-up. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, “Can you stand on one foot for me?”
And she walked over and stood on his foot.
Only a Southerner. . .
– Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
– Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
– Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
– Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, . as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
– Only a Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
– Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large peach cobbler!
– Only a Southerner grows up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
– Only a Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” and go your own way.
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where did the term ‘guinea pig’ originate? The phrase “guinea pig” originated when a tax was imposed on powder for Whigs in England to help pay for the war with Napoleon. The list of those who had paid the guinea (one pound, one shilling) was posted on their parish church door. As they were the wealthy of the day, they became known as the guinea pigs.
~ Where you bathe in yak’s milk? Water is so scarce in the arid regions of China that, in the grasslands, the people never take baths, and sometimes must wash their faces in yak’s milk.
~ How is it they can climb walls so well? Cockroaches can climb walls because they are equipped with a set of little claws on their feet designed for that very purpose.
QUIP OF THE DAY: Buy a dog a toy and the dog will play with it forever. Buy a cat a toy and the cat will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
EXTRA QUIP: I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Try to make at least one person happy every day. If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word. If you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought. Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime! – Lawrence G. Lovasik