Things are only impossible until they’re not. – Jean-Luc Picard, ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’
TODAY – OCTOBER 17th
290th day of the year (291st in leap years) with 75 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Black Poetry Day (commemorates birthday of 1st published black poet in U.S., Jupiter Hammon)
~ Forgive an Ex Day
~ Four Prunes Day
~ International Day for the Eradication of Poverty
~ International Independent Video Store Day (support your local, independent video stores)
~ National Edge Day
~ National Mulligan Day
~ National Pasta Day
~ National Playing Card Collection Day (to celebrate the growing hobby of collecting playing cards)
~ Pay Back a Friend Day
~ Spreadsheet Day
~ Wear Something Gaudy Day
~ World Trauma Day
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1711 Jupiter Hammon, Lloyd Harbor, NY, poet ( first African-American writer to be published in the present-day United States; considered one of the founders of African-American literature)
- 1914 Jerry Siegel, Cleveland, Ohio, comic book writer (co-creator of Superman)
- 1915 Arthur Miller, New York City, playwright (Death of a Salesman, Crucible)
- 1918 Rita Hayworth, Brooklyn, New York, actress/popular pinup girl for WWII servicemen (Meet Nero Wolfe, Blood & Sand, You’ll Never Get Rich)
- 1933 William A. Anders, Hong Kong, American Major General, USAF/astronaut (Apollo 8: one of first 3 persons to leave earth orbit and travel to moon), businessman, engineer
- 1938 Robert “Evel” Knievel, Butte, Montana, motorcycle daredevil
- 1947 Michael McKean, New York City, New York, actor (Laverne and Shirley, Dream On, Clue, 101 Dalmatians Series, Better Call Saul)
- 1948 Margot Kidder, Canadian/American actress (McQueen, The Great Waldo Pepper, Lois Lane/ Superman, Amityville Horror)
- 1948 Robert Jordan, Charleston, South Carolina, author (Wheel of Time series, new Conan the Barbarian stories)
- 1956 Mae C. Jemison, Decatur, Alabama, MD/astronaut (STS 47)
- 1963 Norm Macdonald, Canadian comedian and actor (The Drew Carey Show, NewsRadio, Mike Tyson Mysteries)
- 1969 Wood Harris, Chicago, Illinois, actor (The Wire, Remember the Titans, Dredd, And-Man, Creed)
- 1971 Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion, Pennsylvania, singer (‘N Sync)
- 1972 Eminem, Saint Joseph, Missouri, rapper
- 1972 Sharon Leal, Tucson, Arizona, actress (Dreamgirls, Why Did I Get Married?, Why Did I Get Married Too?, Hellcats, Grimm, Recovery Road)
- 1984 Chris Lowell, Atlanta, Georgia, actor (Life As We Know It, Veronica Mars, Up in the Air, Private Practice, The Help, Enlisted, Graves)
Don’t think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. – Malayan Proverb
- 1604 Kepler’s Star: German astronomer Johannes Kepler observes that an exceptionally bright star had suddenly appeared in the constellation. Ophiuchus, which turned out to be the last supernova to have been observed in our own galaxy, the Milky Way.
- 1777 American Revolutionary War: American troops defeat the British in the Battle of Saratoga.
- 1781 American Revolutionary War: General Charles Cornwallis surrenders at the Battle of Yorktown.
- 1860 First pro golf tournament held (referred to in North America as the British Open, Willie Park wins).
- 1888 Thomas Edison files a patent for the Optical Phonograph (the first movie).
- 1907 Guglielmo Marconi’s company begins the first commercial transatlantic wireless service between Glace Bay, Nova Scotia, Canada and Clifden, Ireland.
- 1941 For the first time in World War II, a German submarine attacks an American ship (off Iceland).
- 1965 The 1964-1965 New York World’s Fair closes after a two year run. More than 51 million people had attended the two-year event.
- 1967 The musical “Hair” premieres on Broadway.
- 1979 Mother Teresa awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
- 1979 The Department of Education Organization Act is signed into law creating the US Department of Education and US Department of Health and Human Services.
- 2018 Cannabis Act in Canada takes effect, legalizing the recreational use of cannabis. Canada is the second country in the world to legalize recreational cannabis nationwide, with Uruguay being the first.
An overweight airhead consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The airhead followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: “How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”
Six-year-old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Very interested, her mother asks, “How did it go?”
“I died of shame!” she answers. “Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. And Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.”
Her mother answers laughingly, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed.”
“Yes it is! I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”
Things My Mother Taught Me….
~ My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. . . “Just wait until your father gets home. ”
~ My Mother taught me about RECEIVING. . . . “You are going to get it when we get home!”
~ My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE. . . “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you . . . Don’t talk back to me!”
~ My Mother taught me ESP. . . “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”
~ My Mother taught me HUMOR. . . “When that lawn mower cuts off you toes, don’t come running to me. ”
~ My Mother taught me LOGIC. . . “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.
~ My Mother taught me about SEX. . . . “How do you think you got here?”
~ My Mother taught me about GENETICS. . . “You’re just like your father. ”
~ My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. . . “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. ”
~ My Mother taught me about my ROOTS. . . “Do you think you were born in a barn?”
~ My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT. . . “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. ”
~ My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD. . . “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.
~ My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE. . . “When you get to be my age, you will understand.
~ And my all time favorite. . . JUSTICE. . . “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. . . Then you’ll see what its like.”
In Howard County, Texas, police officers write their reports by hand, and the information is entered into a database later by a computer tech.
One tech was a bit startled to see a theft report stating that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that it must be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. “Is it true that you lost 2,025 pigs?”
The tech understood immediately. Being a Howard County girl herself, she entered: “Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs.”
Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old daughter, “Are you eating your little sister’s grapes?”
“No,” she innocently replied, “I’m helping her share.”
Answering Machine Message 160
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
A Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine.
The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, “Say, how much land you think you got here?”
Mainer: ‘Bout 10 acres I’d say.”
Texan (boasting): “Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!”
Mainer: “Yep, I got one of them trucks, too.”
At the automated coffee vending machine, a man put in his money and watched powerlessly while the cup failed to appear. One nozzle sent coffee down the drain while another poured cream after it.
“Now that’s real automation!” his equally friend exclaimed. “It even drinks for you.”
The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Two antennas (antennae?) met on a roof.
They fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a cafe.
The waitress says, “Okay, I’ll serve you, but don’t try to start anything.”
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barkeep says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
A man walks into a diner with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says: “A Coke please, and one for the road.”
Did you hear about the fellow who spilled root beer on his kitchen stove?
Now he has foam on the range.
WHILE WE STOOD at attention during a parade, the private next to me waved to someone in the audience. “Jones, never do that again!” our drill instructor sternly whispered.
But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time. Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI barreled in and barked for Jones to come front and center. “Son, you knew I was going to see you,” he screamed. “You knew it was wrong. Aren’t you afraid of me?”
“Yes, sir!” replied Jones. “But you don’t know my mother!” – Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Andrew G. Ramon
Recently, the “Love Bug” Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it’s path. There have recently been some new mutations or variations of this virus that you should be aware of.
* The “I Love You, But I’m Shy” virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
* The “Love The One You’re With” virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.
* The “Happily Married” virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.
* The “Unhappily Married” virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.
* The “I Want A Divorce” virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn’t working and takes half of your computer’s best data in an ugly network session.
* The “Stalker” virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.
* The “Forever Single” virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable.
* The “Deadbeat” virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw then opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
GOLDEN OLDIE… A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her,’Hey lady, you are really ugly.’ Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her,’Hey lady, you are really ugly.’
Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, ‘Hey lady, you are really ugly.’
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said,’That’s not good.’ and promised he wouldn’t say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, ‘Hey lady.’
She paused and said,’Yes?’
The bird said, ‘You know.’
TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is National Mulligan Day?
In golf, a mulligan happens when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action. So Mulligan Day is a day for giving yourself a second chance or, as some people call it, a “do-over.”
~ What does National Edge Day celebrate?
This holiday was founded by people who live straight edge lifestyles, a subculture of hardcore punk whose adherents refrain from using alcohol, tobacco and other recreational drugs, in reaction to the excesses of punk subculture. The occasion has been celebrated annually on October 17 since 1999. The inaugural event, originally called Edge Fest, was held in Boston, Massachusetts. The holiday is still most prominent in Boston, but annual events are now held by individuals in U.S. states such as Georgia and California, and globally in cities such as Gothenburg and London.
~ Why is today Spreadsheet Day?
On October 17 of 1979 the first spreadsheet program was released. It was called VisiCalc, for those of you who may not have been alive then, and it ran on the Apple II computer. Spreadsheet Day has grown to become a day for celebrating both the advantages and the aggravations of working with spreadsheet software.
~ Which Great Lake is entirely in the U.S?
The Great Lakes are the most important inland waterway in North America. All the lakes, except Lake Michigan, which lies entirely in the United States, are shared by the United States and Canada and form part of the border between these countries.
~ How well do dogs smell?
Because of their acute sense of smell, dogs are trained to sniff out everything from drugs to bombs to iron ore. In Ontario, Canada, instruments couldn’t locate where natural gas was escaping from a pipeline buried 18 feet underground. Trained German shepherds were brought in. The dogs worked in sub-zero temperatures and covered nearly 100 miles of frozen ground, ultimately finding more than 150 gas leaks.
~ How many ways can one start chess?
There are 170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ways to play the ten opening moves in a game of chess.
~ Why do wine bottles have those bumps on the bottom?
The purpose of the indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine.
QUIP OF THE DAY: There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life – Frank Zappa
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Greatness is more than potential. It is the execution of that potential. Beyond the raw talent. You need the appropriate training. You need the discipline. You need the inspiration. You need the drive. – Eric A. Burns, Gossamer Commons