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October 24th

Friends are relatives you make for yourself. – Eustache Deschamps


TODAY – OCTOBER 24th

297th day of the year (298th in leap years) with 68 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Food Day
~ Good and Plenty Day
~ National Bologna Day
~ United Nations Day (anniversary of the 1945 Charter of the United Nations)
~ World Polio Day (commemorates the birth of Jonas Salk, who led the first team to develop a vaccine against poliomyelitis)
~ World Development Information Day (to draw attention of worldwide public opinion to development problems and the need to strengthen international cooperation to solve them)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1788 Sarah Josepha Hale, Newport, New Hampshire, author (Mary Had a Little Lamb)
  • 1915 Bob Kane, New York City, New York, cartoonist (creator of the DC Comics superhero Batman)
  • 1929 George Crumb, Charleston, West Virginia, composer (Pulitzer 1968-Echoes of Time)
  • 1936 Bill Wyman, London, England, bass guitarist (The Rolling Stones), photographer
  • 1941 William H. Dobelle, Pittsfield, Massachusetts, biomedical researcher (developed technologies to restore limited sight to blind people, breathing pacemaker research)
  • 1947 Kevin Kline, St Louis, Missouri, actor (Sophie’s Choice, Big Chill, The Pink Panther)
  • 1957 John Kassir, Baltimore, Maryland, actor and comedian (Tales from the Crypt, voice work as Ray “Raymundo” Rocket on Rocket Power, the mischievous Raccoon Meeko in Pocahontas, Jibolba in the Tak and the Power of Juju video game series, voices of Pete Puma in The Looney Tunes Show )
  • 1960 B.D. Wong, San Francisco, California, actor (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Oz, Jurassic Park)
  • 1983 Adrienne Bailon, Manhattan, New York, actress and singer (The Cheetah Girls, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, All You’ve Got)
  • 1983 Brian Vickers, Thomasville, North Carolina, 2003 Busch Series champion, race car driver
  • 1983 VV (Vanessa) Brown, Manhattan, New York, singer (one string acoustic guitar: Traveling Like Light, Lollipops & Politics)

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“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?” ― Gautama Buddha
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1590 John White, The governor of the second Roanoke Colony, returns to England after an unsuccessful search for the “lost” colonists.
  • 1836 Alonzo Dwight Phillips of Springfield MA received first U.S. patent for the phosphorous friction safety match (No. 68).
  • 1861 The First Transcontinental Telegraph line across the United States is completed, spelling the end for the 18-month-old Pony Express.
  • 1926 Harry Houdini’s last performance, which is at the Garrick Theatre in Detroit, Michigan.
  • 1929 “Black Thursday” stock market crash on the New York Stock Exchange.
  • 1945 United Nations Charter becomes effective.
  • 1946 A camera on board the V-2 No. 13 rocket takes the first photograph of earth from outer space.
  • 1954 Dwight D. Eisenhower pledges United States support to South Vietnam
  • 1977 Veterans Day is observed on the 4th Monday in October for the 7th and last time. (The holiday is once again observed on November 11 beginning the following year.)
  • 2002 Police arrest spree killers John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, ending the Beltway sniper attacks in the area around Washington, DC.
  • 2003 Concorde makes its last commercial flight.
  • 2004 Plane carrying ten members of the NASCAR Hendrick Motorsports team crashes en route to the race held at Martinsville Speedway. There were no survivors.
  • 2005 Hurricane Wilma makes landfall in Florida resulting in 35 direct 26 indirect fatalities and causing $20.6B USD in damage.
  • 2008 “Bloody Friday” saw many of the world’s stock exchanges experience the worst declines in their history, with drops of around 10% in most indices.

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A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”

The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”
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As the police officer handed me the ticket I grumbled, “What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Keep it,” the cop said. “When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.”
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While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”
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ONE-LINERS: What The Job Ad Says; What It Means, Part II

~ Top notch communication skills: Telemarketing
~ Tons of variety: We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job
~ Beautiful offices in attractive locale: Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet

~ Executive secretary: The most powerful position in any company
~ Secretary: Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker
~ Dedicated: You’re looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement

~ Salary commensurate: We’ll pay you whatever the we feel like
~ Salary negotiable: We’ll take the lowest bidder
~ Competitive salary: We’ll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!

~ Competitive starting salary: Ten cents above minimum wage
~ Pleasant atmosphere: A staff of pod people
~ Professional atmosphere: Zombie pod people
~ Self-starter: Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means
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At my father’s wake, I told my priest that a short time before his death Dad and I had discussed life after death. He said that he would try to contact me from the other side.

A few days after his death the smoke alarm in my garage went off. I’d lived in that house 28 years and it had never gone off before. I couldn’t turn it off, so I called the security company that installed it. They managed to silence it.

When the smoke alarm sounded again the next morning, the reason finally dawned on me. I said aloud, “Okay, Dad, I missed the signal yesterday, but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe. Now please turn the thing off so I don’t have to call the security company again.” And it went off immediately.

After I finished my story the priest hesitated and then said, “Uh, if your father’s messages set off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he’s calling from?”
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Warning Labels
The scary part is somebody must have done it before they wrote the label. . .

~ Ray-O-Vac batteries: “WARNING: If swallowed or lodged in ear or nose, see doctor.”
~ Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield Cover: “WARNING: Never drive with the cover on your windshield.”
~ Batman, The Animated Series Armor Set Halloween Costume box: “WARNING: Cape does not enable wearer to fly.”

~ TV: “WARNING: Do not pour liquids in your television.”
~ Silly Putty: “WARNING: Not for use as earplugs.”
~ Baby Carriage: “Step One: Remove baby.”
~ Hair Drier: “Do not use while sleeping.”
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PIC OF THE DAY: Goat in Gate

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Two Canadian geese decided to fly south for the winter. A frog was sitting next to them as they decided this and he decided he wanted to go as well. The geese laughed and said “you’re just a frog- you can’t fly!” The frog knew that he didn’t want to stay in the cold, so he thought and thought and thought.

“I got an idea!” the frog said. He found a long stick. “You two hold this stick in your claws and I’ll hold on to the middle.”
“With what?” the geese asked. “Your little hands could never hold on to a stick!”
“With my mouth” said the frog, proud of his idea.

So the geese put the stick in their claws, the frog clamped on with his mouth and they began to fly south successfully.

A day or two later, a crowd of people looked up and saw the two geese flying overhead, holding a stick with a frog holding on in the middle with his mouth. Someone in the crowd exclaimed, “What a brilliant idea- I wonder who thought of that?”
The frog proudly exclaimed “I did!” (oops… )
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Daffy Definitions

~ ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle
~ BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye
~ CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead

~ COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
~ DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out
~ EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation

~ HANDKERCHIEF: Cold storage
~ INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
~ MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better

~ RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn
~ SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time
~ SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off

~ TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction
~ TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
~ YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed
~ WRINKLES: Something other people have similar to my character lines
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WARNING! PUN ZONE!

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.

A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which included one part sodium.

It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.
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GOLDEN OLDIE PUN… Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger agree to make a movie about classical musicians.

They each had to pick a part. Sly says, “I want to be Handel. He’s always been my favorite.”
Jackie says, “I’d like to be Mozart.”
Then Arnold says, “I’ll be Bach.”
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A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!”

“So?” asked the ducks’ former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
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When I got flowers from my husband on Valentine’s Day, I quickly opened the card. All it said was “No.”
What did that mean?

I called my husband. He said, “I didn’t attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, ‘No.'”
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Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, “I’m sorry about not speaking more clearly. I’ve had Novocaine.”

“You should have used the drive-through,” she said.
“Why?”
“Everyone who goes through sounds like you,” she explained.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Good & Plenty candy? This licorice treat is the oldest brand of candy in the U.S.A. Good and Plenty was first made in 1893, by the Quaker City Confectionery Company of Philadelphia. In the 1950s, the brand was given a popularity boost by the Choo Choo Charlie television commercial. Choo Choo Charlie was a train engineer that used Good & Plenty to power his locomotive.

~ When is a spider not an insect? Always. A spider is not an insect. It is an arachnid – it has eight legs instead of six, and has no wings or antennae. The same is true of the daddy longlegs, scorpion’s mite, and tick – none of them are technically part of the insect class.

~ What is the study of pistology? No, it’s not the study of pistols. Pistology is a noun derived from the Greek, pistis, faith, hence in general pistology is the science of faith or religious belief. It is a branch of theology that studies the characteristics of faith, as distinguished from reason.

~ Do rattlesnakes dance? Not really, but a group of rattlers gathered together is called a rhumba. Rattlesnakes gather in groups to sleep through the winter. Sometimes 100 or more of them will coil up together to keep warm. (That’s one rhumba you won’t see on Dancing with the Stars!)

~ Do snakes hibernate? Snakes become less active during cold weather but they don’t actually hibernate. Instead they do what is called “brumation,” an extreme slowing down of their metabolism. So the snakes are still awake, but just very lethargic so you don’t see them moving around.

~ What do you call the den where snakes spend the winter? A site for a group of snakes is called a hibernaculum.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.” – Dale Carnegie

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