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October 28th

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life. – Leo Buscaglia


TODAY – OCTOBER 28th

301st day of the year (302nd in leap years) with 64 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Animation Day
~ National Chocolate Day
~ National Internal Medicine Day
~ Plush Animal Lover’s Day
~ Wild Foods Day
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Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude. – Denis Waitley
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1875 Gilbert Hovey Grosvenor, Istanbul, Turkey, American geographer and editor (father of photojournalism, first full-time editor of National Geographic Magazine)
  • 1903 Evelyn Waugh, English journalist and author (Decline and Fall, A Handful of Dust, Brideshead Revisited, Sword of Honour)
  • 1914 Jonas Salk, New York City, biologist and physician (discovery and development of the first safe and effective polio vaccine)
  • 1925 Leonard Starr, New York City, comic strip cartoonist (Little Orphan Annie, ThunderCats)
  • 1936 Charlie Daniels, Wilmington, North Carolina, singer (Devil Went Down to Georgia)
  • 1939 Jane Alexander, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (The Great White Hope, Eleanor and Franklin, Calamity Jane, Warm Springs, Tell Me You Love Me, Terminator Salvation, The Good Wife)
  • 1944 Dennis Franz, Maywood, Illinois, actor (Hill Street Blues, Mighty Ducks, NYPD Blue)
  • 1948 Telma Hopkins, Louisville, Kentucky, singer (Tony Orlando and Dawn) and actress (Gimme a Break!, Getting By, Family Matters, Half & Half, Are We There Yet?, Partners)
  • 1952 Annie Potts, Nashville, Tennessee, actress (Mary Jo – Designing Women; Ghostbusters, Pretty in Pink, Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Chicago Med)
  • 1955 Bill [William Henry] Gates, Seattle, Washington, billionaire CEO (Microsoft)
  • 1967 Julia Roberts, Atlanta, Georgia, actress (Runaway Bride, Nothing Hill, Duplicity, Pretty Woman, Erin Brokovich, The Normal Heart, Money Monster)
  • 1972 Brad Paisley, Glen Dale, West Virginia, musician (American Saturday Night)
  • 1974 Joaquin Phoenix, San Juan, Puerto Rico, American actor (The Yards, Quills, Gladiator, Hotel Rwanda, Walk the Line, The master, Her)

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There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world. – Robert Louis Stevenson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1636 Harvard University founded in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
  • 1793 Eli Whitney applies for a patent on cotton gin.
  • 1886 President Grover Cleveland dedicates the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor.
  • 1919 The U.S. Congress passes the Volstead Act over President Woodrow Wilson’s veto, paving the way for Prohibition to begin the following January.
  • 1936 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt rededicates the Statue of Liberty on its 50th anniversary.
  • 1942 The Alaska Highway (Alcan Highway) is completed through Canada to Fairbanks, Alaska.
  • 1958 Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli, elected Pope, taking name John XXIII.
  • 1965 Gateway Arch (630′ (190m) high) completed in St Louis, Missouri.
  • 1986 The centenary of the dedication of the Statue of Liberty is celebrated in New York Harbor.
  • 2009 NASA successfully launches the Ares I-X mission, the only rocket launch for its later-cancelled Constellation program.

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Diner to waiter: “”Excuse me, how long have you been working here?”
“About a year.”

“In that case, never mind. It couldn’t have been you that took my order.”
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In Christian love….
For those special circumstances when someone is really bugging you:

You, [recipient name], are hereby notified that under the forgiveness recommendations set forth in the Holy Scriptures – namely that we are to forgive one another 7×70 (equivalent to 490 times) – you are now at 478 and have only 12 free passes remaining.

Signed,
Your name
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ONE-LINERS: Resumes. . .
Unintentional yet funny gaffs from real job application forms . . .

~ “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
~ “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
~ “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

~ “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
~ “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore.”
~ “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

~ “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
~ “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
~ “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
~ “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE Two priests were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”
As the first car passed the driver shouted out to them, “Leave me alone you religious nuts!”

From around the bend the priests heard screeching tires and a big splash.
“Do you think,” said one to the other, “our sign should just say, ‘Bridge Out’?”
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When I had a job at the photo-developing counter of a pharmacy, the film was sometimes developed incorrectly. If this occurred, we did not charge our customers.

Once a man came to pick up his pictures, which were marked $0.00, indicating that not one of them had turned out right. The customer asked to see the photos, and when I noticed the odd splotches of color all over the pictures, I apologized profusely.

“Oh, no, these are fine,” he said happily. “I’m a microbiologist. These are my bacteria cultures.”
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PIC OF THE DAY: Deer Fawn at edge of woods…


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A young man asked, “Will you marry me?”
“No,” the lady replied, “but I admire your good taste.”
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Each morning at 5:30, I take my Lhasa Apso, Maxwell, for a walk. He has the bad habit of picking up bits of paper or other trash along the way. When he does, I command him to “drop it,” and he usually complies.

One morning, though, he absolutely refused to drop a piece of litter. So I told him to “sit” and then approached him to see what his treasure was. It was a $10 bill.
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We were discussing the “don’ts” of public speaking in the class that I teach. “Don’ts” include a man reaching into his pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying, “I need a man who has coins in his pocket.”
That’s when a young woman in the class yelled out, “Honey, so do I!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
~ I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
~ Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

~ I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
~ There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
~ I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

~ ALGEBRA: What the Little Mermaid wears
~ There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass’.
~ Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

~ Q. How do you make a glowworm happy?
A. Cut off it’s tail. It’ll be delighted.
~ Q: When was baseball mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Rebecca walked to the well with a pitcher.
~ Q: Who do demons hang out with? A: Ghouls. Q: Why? A: Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

~ A Photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Do you have any luggage?”
The Photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
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A “Life and Career” coach met with a prospective client one morning and asked the client what he wanted to get out of their sessions.
“Clarity,” the client said very firmly.

“And on what issues are you looking for clarity?” the coach asked.
“Well,” he said in a less confident tone, “I’m not sure.”
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A lady visiting a friend in the hospital got into an elevator. A technician followed her, wheeling a large machine with tubes, wires and dials.

The woman remarked, “Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to THAT thing!”
“So would I. It’s a floor polisher.”
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Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Railroad. He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.
One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched.

“Where are you going today?” Bob asked, smiling.
“Well, what does the ticket say?” replied the traveler sarcastically.

“Um, it says you’re on the wrong train,” Bob informed him.
“What am I supposed to do now?” asked the flustered passenger.
Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, “Ask the ticket.”
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A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled, “Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says the psychic, “I see… a biology class.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How much did Selznick’s swear word cost him? In 1939, David O. Selznick was ordered to pay a then-whopping $5,000 fine to the Motion Picture Producers Association because he insisted that the word “damn” remain in Gone With the Wind‘s final script. A perfectionist, Selznick wanted to stay true to author Margaret Mitchell’s novel.

~ How long should you chill champagne? Champagne should be refrigerated for only about 2 hours before serving, according to Sharon Tyler Herbst’s The Food Lover’s Tiptionary. Herbst maintains that refrigerating champagne or other white wines for more than a few hours can dull both the flavor and bouquet.

~ Which country takes up an entire continent? Australia is the smallest, flattest, and driest inhabited continent in the world. It is the only country which is also a whole continent 18.6 million people live here.

~ What was the interrobang used for? For a short time in 1967, the American Typers Association invented a new punctuation mark that was a combination of the question mark and an exclamation point called an “interrobang.” It was intended to be used to express incredulity or disbelief. It never caught on with the general public, and it faded away.

~ When was absinthe most popular? Absinthe originated in Switzerland as an elixir, but is better known for its popularity in late 19th- and early 20th-century France, particularly among Parisian artists and writers whose romantic associations with the drink still linger in popular culture. In its heyday, the most popular brand of absinthe worldwide was Pernod Fils.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true – Winston Churchill

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Confucius

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