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October 30th

I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. Its because of them I’m doing it myself. – Albert Einstein


303rd day of the year (304th in leap years) with 62 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Publicist Day
~ National Candy Corn Day
~ Speak Up For Service Day
~ International Orthopaedic Nurses Day
~ Mischief Night (when people traditionally participated in harmless mischief)


  • 1735 John Adams, Braintree (now Quincy), Massachusetts, second President of the United States
  • 1821 Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Russian author (Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov)
  • 1892 Charles Atlas, Italian-born American bodybuilder (fitness program for “97-pound weakling”)
  • 1896 Ruth Gordon, Quincy, Massachusetts, actress and author (Rosemary’s Baby, Harold and Maude, Every Which Way But Loose)
  • 1945 Henry Winkler, NYC, New York, actor / director / author (Fonz on Happy Days, Arrested Development, Children’s Hospital, Barry / Hank Zipzer books)
  • 1946 Robert Lee “Hoot” Gibson, Cooperstown, New York, naval aviator / retired astronaut (STS-41-B, STS-61-C, STS-27, STS-47, STS-71)
  • 1947 Timothy B. Schmit, Oakland, California, musician (Eagles)
  • 1951 Harry Hamlin, Pasadena, California, actor (Clash of the Titans, L.A. Law, Strange Wilderness)
  • 1963 Michael Beach, Roxbury, Massachusetts, actor (Third Watch, ER, Stargate Atlantis, Crisis, Sons of Anarchy, Secrets and Lies, Aquaman)
  • 1968 Jack Plotnick, Worthington, Ohio, actor (Ellen, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Mentalist, Z Nation)
  • 1970 Nia Long, Brooklyn, New York, actress (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Third Watch, Big Shots, The Cleveland Show, House of Lies, The Divide, NCIS: Los Angeles )
  • 1978 Matthew Morrison, Fort Ord, California, actor (Glee, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Grey’s Anatomy)
  • 1989 Seth Adkins, Albuquerque, New Mexico, actor (…First Do No Harm, The Odd Way Home, Frontera, Monsters of God)

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. – Steve Jobs


  • 1831 In Southampton County, Virginia, escaped slave Nat Turner is captured and arrested for leading the bloodiest slave rebellion in United States history.
  • 1938 Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H. G. Wells’s The War of the Worlds, causing panic in some of the audience in the United States.
  • 1944 Anne Frank and sister Margot Frank are deported from Auschwitz to the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.
  • 1945 Jackie Robinson of the Kansas City Monarchs signs a contract for the Brooklyn Dodgers to break the baseball color barrier.
  • 1947 The General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT), which is the foundation of the World Trade Organisation (WTO), is founded.
  • 1961 Nuclear testing: The Soviet Union detonates the hydrogen bomb Tsar Bomba over Novaya Zemlya; at 50 megatons of yield, it is still the largest explosive device ever detonated, nuclear or otherwise.
  • 1961 Because of “violations of Lenin’s precepts”, it is decreed that Joseph Stalin’s body be removed from its place of honor inside Lenin’s tomb and buried near the Kremlin wall with a plain granite marker instead.
  • 1985 Space Shuttle Challenger lifts off for mission STS-61-A, its final successful mission.
  • 1995 Quebec citizens narrowly vote (50.58% to 49.42%) to remain a province of Canada in their second referendum on national sovereignty.


THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS John F. Kennedy was on a training cruise near Cuba, and we received a report of yet another Soviet photo-reconnaissance aircraft. After launching fighters to escort it away, our captain came on the loudspeaker and called for all those not on watch to go to the flight deck and bring their cameras.

Imagine Soviet intelligence’s embarrassment when the plane’s photographs were developed and, instead of revealing sensitive operations, showed a thousand U.S. sailors taking pictures of the Russian aircraft. – Steven E. Haynes, WT1

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and rear end are interchangeable.”

A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. “I’ll bet you don’t have anything like that in Texas!”
“Nope, I reckon we don’t,” said the Texan. “But we’ve got plumbers who could fix it.”

ONE-LINERS: Things to Say to Ruin a Date
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date…

~ I used to come here all the time with my ex.
~ I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.
~ I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

~ It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
~ Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
~ I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

What’s that last thing that goes through a bee’s mind when he hits your windshield? His rear-end.

GOLDEN OLDIE… A CEO-type was in the hospital, being treated for a minor deal. For a week he’d made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical big shot.

One morning a nurse’s helper entered the room, saying, “Time to take your temperature, sir.”
After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.
“Sorry, sir,” said the nurse, “but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”

After griping about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his rear-end. After the nurse finished, she said, “Stay exactly like that and don’t move. I’ll be back in five minutes to check up on you.”

The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy’s back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy’s doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare rear-end in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, “What’s going on here?”
The guy barks, “Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”
“Not with a daffodil.”

Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I’ll take you to your car.”

Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah…no thanks,” he answered. “I can get there myself.”
“No!” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get in!”
Wayne’s eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.

Just then, the driver’s face softened. “Please,” he said, “I’ve been driving up and down for two hours. I can’t find a space to park, and I want yours.”

PIC OF THE DAY: My Lenten Rose has an “odd” bloom…
Lenten Rose with green snake

HEADLINES or, Proofreading, the Dying Art

~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
~ Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

~ Miners Refuse to Work after Death
~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
~ Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

~ War Dims Hope for Peace
~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
~ If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

~ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
~ Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
~ Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

~ Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
~ Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
~ New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

~ Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
~ Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
~ Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.
“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.
“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

The Sunday School teacher asks, “What are some of the names used for the Supreme Being?”

“Very good. Another?”

“Yes! Anyone Else?”
“Yahweh.” “Jehovah.” “King of Kings.”

“Excellent! Little Johnny, can you think of any?”
I know three: Art, Harold, and Andy.”

Can you explain those?”
“Oh, yes. You know, ‘Our Father, Art, in heaven, Harold be thy name.'”
“Hmmm …”
“And I just heard a hymn: ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me’!”

While I waited in our high school health office, I overheard another student explain to the nurse how badly his eyes hurt. “My head is spinning,” he moaned. “and I can’t see straight.”
After listening to his ailments for ten minutes, even the often skeptical nurse was convinced. “I am calling your mother to come pick you up,” she said, dialing the telephone.
“Oh that won’t be necessary.” the student instantly replied. “I can drive myself home.”

My mother works in a laboratory and is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So that she won’t forget, she writes “feed cells” on her calendar. One day she noticed that someone had scribbled in “take cells for a walk.”

By the end of the month, a number of anonymous reminders had been added: “Take cells to Disneyland,” “Cells on vacation,” “Cells back” and, on Yom Kippur, “Jewish cells get the day off.”

A stewardess was getting very annoyed by 3 little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about.

Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.

Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographer’s transcripts of real court cases.

Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn’t it. You, too, were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

Q: Now, Mrs Brown, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And, by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Did the lady standing the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?
A: Yes, she did.
Q: Who did she say she was?
A: She said she was the owner of the dog’s wife.
Q: I understand you’re Donald Rowbotham’s mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?


TODAY’S TRIVIA: When did the first doughnuts appear in the U.S.? The first doughnuts in America, in fact, were little “nuts” of dough, and they were brought to New England by the Pilgrims, who had learned to make them while they were in Holland from 1607-1620.

~ When were donuts first mentioned in print? The first mention of doughnuts in print was in Washington Irving’s 1809 book History of New York, which talks about Dutch settlers to New Amsterdam in the seventeenth century.

~ What is Speak Up for Service Day? It’s a day to recognize good deeds of service by young people and serves as a reminder that people should tell others about the contributions of young people to their communities. It began in 2003, when the Fargo, ND Lions Club initiated a public speaking contest for area high school students in honor of Laura Christensen Espejo who devoted her life to improving the health care services available to the less fortunate in the Fargo community and Peru, the country of her husband, Lucho.

~ Why did Ritty invent the cash register? James J. Ritty, owner of a tavern in Dayton, Ohio, invented the cash register in 1879 to stop his patrons from pilfering house profits.

~ Are most oysters male or female? The oyster is usually ambisexual. It begins life as a male, then becomes a female, then changes back to being a male, then back to being female. It may go back and forth many times.
QUIP OF THE DAY: In California, they don’t throw their garbage away – they turn it into TV shows – Woody Allen


Thought for the day. . . It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it. – Lou Holtz

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