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October 31st

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it. – William Osler


TODAY – OCTOBER 31st

304th day of the year (305th in leap years) with 61 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Halloween
~ Carve a Pumpkin Day
~ Girl Scouts Founders Day
~ Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
~ National Candy Apple Day
~ National Caramel Apple Day
~ National Magic Day
~ Trick or Treat for UNICEF Day
~ World Savings Day
~ Samhain (Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1860 Juliette Gordon Low, Savannah, Georgia, Girl Scout founder
  • 1920 Dick Francis, Wales, jockey/author (Whip Hand, High Stakes)
  • 1930 Michael Collins, Rome Italy, American Major Geneneral USAF/astronaut (Gemini 10, Apollo 11)
  • 1937 Michael Landon, Forest Hills, New York, actor / director (Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie, Highway to Heaven)
  • 1942 David Ogden Stiers, Peoria, Illinois, actor (Winchester on M*A*S*H, North and South, Perry Mason, Pocahontas, Lilo & Stitch, The Dead Zone, Regular Show in Space)
  • 1944 Sally Kirkland, New York City, New York, actress (Private Benjamin, Anna, Awakened, Suburban Gothic, Buddy Hutchins)
  • 1950 John Candy, Ontario, Canada, comedian (SCTV, Spaceballs, Uncle Buck, The Rescuers Down Under, Canadian Bacon)
  • 1951 Nick Saban, Fairmont, West Virginia, college football player (defensive back at Kent State University 1970-71), college football coach (University of Alabama: Roll Tide!, 2007-present)
  • 1953 Michael J. Anderson, Denver, Colorado, actor (Twin Peaks, Carnivale, Snow White: The Fairest of Them All, Big Time)
  • 1959 Neal Stephenson, Fort Meade, Maryland, author (The Big U, Zodiac, Snow Crash, The Baroque Cycle, The Mongoliad)
  • 1963 Dermot Mulroney, Alexandria, Virginia, actor (Long Gone, Young Guns, The Last Outlaw, How to Make an American Quilt, Shameless, Legends & Lies, Pure Genius)
  • 1966 Mike O’Malley, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Life with Roger, Deep Impact, My Name is Earl, Eat Pray Love, Glee, Justified, Welcome to the Family, Sully)

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Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. – Anthony Robbins
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1517 Protestant Reformation: Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
  • 1864 Nevada is admitted as the 36th U.S. state.
  • 1913 Dedication of the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile road across United States.
  • 1941 World War II: The destroyer USS Reuben James is torpedoed by a German U-boat near Iceland, killing more than 100 United States Navy sailors. It is the first U.S. Navy vessel sunk by enemy action in WWII.
  • 1941 After 14 years of work, drilling is completed on Mount Rushmore.
  • 1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two Sikh security guards (riots soon broke out in New Delhi and nearly 2,000 innocent Sikhs were killed).
  • 2002 A federal grand jury in Houston, Texas indicts former Enron Corp. chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.
  • 2003 A bankruptcy court approves MCI’s reorganization plans, essentially clearing the telecommunications company to exit bankruptcy.
  • 2011 The global population of humans reaches seven billion. This day is now recognized by the United Nations as Seven Billion Day.

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A salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.

He texted his secretary and asked her to break the news tactfully to his boss. His message read: “Failed in securing client, prepare the boss.”

He shortly received the following text reply from his secretary: “Boss is prepared, prepare yourself.”

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In a morning Bible study, a group of women were studying how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”

All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
A few women answered today, some said yesterday, and some didn’t remember.

The women were then asked to take their phones and send the text message, “I love you, sweetheart.”
After a few minutes, the women were asked to exchange phones and read aloud the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:
1. Who is this?
2. Uh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean.
6. What did you do now?

7. ?!!???
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn’t she?
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ONE-LINERS:Most Worthless New Inventions
~ The water-proof towel
~ Glow in the dark sunglasses
~ Solar powered flashlights

~ Submarine screen doors
~ A book on how to read
~ Inflatable dart boards

~ A dictionary index
~ Powdered water
~ Pedal powered wheel chairs

~ Water proof tea bags
~ Watermelon seed sorter
~ Zero proof alcohol

~ Reusable ice cubes
~ See through toilet tissue
~ Skinless bananas

~ Do it yourself roadmap
~ Helicopter ejector seat
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A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.

“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”
“Oh no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”
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An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses. “Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby.

“Nuns … with scissors.”
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Know Your Taters PUN ZONE!
~ Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.
They are called ‘Spec Taters’.
~ Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called ‘Comment Taters’.
~ Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don’t want to soil their own hands.
They are called ‘Dick Taters’.

~ Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called, not Silly Billies but ‘Aggie Taters’.
~ There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called ‘Hezzie Taters’.

~ Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called ‘Immy Taters’.
~ Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called ‘Sweet Po Taters’.
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Ron was walking down the street when he met a small boy. Ron asked his name.
The lad replied, “Six and seven-eighths.”

Ron looked puzzled and asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and the youngster replied, “Oh, they just picked it out of a hat.”
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A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, “I can’t do anything about this – it’s a hardware problem.”
The hardware manager says, “Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.”
The marketing manager says, “Hey, 75% of it is working – let’s ship it!”
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A Little Older, A Little Mixed Up

Just a line to say I’m living,
That I’m not among the dead.
Though I’m getting more forgetful
And more mixed up in the head.

For sometimes I can’t remember,
When I stand at foot of stairs,
If I must go up for something,
Or if I’ve just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often
My poor mind is filled with doubt
Have I just put food away?…or
Have I come to take some out?

And there’s times when it is dark out,
With my night cap on my head
I don’t know if I’m retiring
Or just getting out of bed.

So…if it’s my turn to write you
There’s no need of getting sore,
I may think that I have written
And don’t want to be a bore!!

So, remember..I do love you
And I wish that you were here,
But now it’s nearly mail time,
So I must say good-bye my dear.

There I stood beside the mail box
With a face so very red
Instead of mailing you my letter,
I had opened it instead!!

My bifocals fit – my dentures are fine
My hearing aid works…but ..I do miss my mind!!!
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By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. “Why are you so late?” his friend asked.

“I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.”
“How long could that have taken you?”
“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How old was Dirty Harry? Clint Eastwood was 41 years old when he debuted in the role of maverick Det. “Dirty” Harry Calahan in the action film Dirty Harry (1971). Reportedly, the part had been turned down by Paul Newman, John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, and Frank Sinatra. Eastwood insisted on performing his own action stunts, including the famous scene where he jumped from a bridge to the roof of a moving school bus.

~ How old is that Korean deer? In Korea, the deer is a symbol of long life, and is often portrayed in the company of immortals.

~ How do you repel a mosquito? Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray or lotion blocks the mosquito’s sensors; however, they will seek out unprotected areas of skin.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You cannot make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.Wayne Dyer

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