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October 31st

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it. – William Osler


TODAY – OCTOBER 31st

304th day of the year (305th in leap years) with 61 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Halloween
~ Carve a Pumpkin Day
~ Girl Scouts Founders Day
~ Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
~ National Candy Apple Day
~ National Caramel Apple Day
~ National Doorbell Day
~ National Knock Knock Joke Day
~ National Magic Day
~ Samhain
~ Trick or Treat for UNICEF Day
~ World Savings Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1860 Juliette Gordon Low, Savannah, Georgia, Girl Scout founder
  • 1920 Dick Francis, Wales, jockey/author (Whip Hand, High Stakes)
  • 1930 Michael Collins, Rome Italy, American Major Geneneral USAF/astronaut (Gemini 10, Apollo 11)
  • 1937 Michael Landon, Forest Hills, New York, actor / director (Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie, Highway to Heaven)
  • 1942 David Ogden Stiers, Peoria, Illinois, actor (Winchester on M*A*S*H, North and South, Perry Mason, Pocahontas, Lilo & Stitch, The Dead Zone, Regular Show in Space)
  • 1944 Sally Kirkland, New York City, New York, actress (Private Benjamin, Anna, Awakened, Suburban Gothic, Buddy Hutchins)
  • 1950 John Candy, Ontario, Canada, comedian (SCTV, Spaceballs, Uncle Buck, The Rescuers Down Under, Canadian Bacon)
  • 1951 Nick Saban, Fairmont, West Virginia, college football player (defensive back at Kent State University 1970-71), college football coach (University of Alabama: Roll Tide!, 2007-present)
  • 1953 Michael J. Anderson, Denver, Colorado, actor (Twin Peaks, Carnivale, Snow White: The Fairest of Them All, Big Time)
  • 1959 Neal Stephenson, Fort Meade, Maryland, author (The Big U, Zodiac, Snow Crash, The Baroque Cycle, The Mongoliad)
  • 1963 Dermot Mulroney, Alexandria, Virginia, actor (Long Gone, Young Guns, The Last Outlaw, How to Make an American Quilt, Shameless, Legends & Lies, Pure Genius)
  • 1966 Mike O’Malley, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Life with Roger, Deep Impact, My Name is Earl, Eat Pray Love, Glee, Justified, Welcome to the Family, Sully)

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Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. – Anthony Robbins
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1517 Protestant Reformation: Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
  • 1864 Nevada is admitted as the 36th U.S. state.
  • 1913 Dedication of the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile road across United States.
  • 1941 World War II: The destroyer USS Reuben James is torpedoed by a German U-boat near Iceland, killing more than 100 United States Navy sailors. It is the first U.S. Navy vessel sunk by enemy action in WWII.
  • 1941 After 14 years of work, drilling is completed on Mount Rushmore.
  • 1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two Sikh security guards (riots soon broke out in New Delhi and nearly 2,000 innocent Sikhs were killed).
  • 2002 A federal grand jury in Houston, Texas indicts former Enron Corp. chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.
  • 2003 A bankruptcy court approves MCI’s reorganization plans, essentially clearing the telecommunications company to exit bankruptcy.
  • 2011 The global population of humans reaches seven billion. This day is now recognized by the United Nations as Seven Billion Day.

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A salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.

He texted his secretary and asked her to break the news tactfully to his boss. His message read: “Failed in securing client, prepare the boss.”

He shortly received the following text reply from his secretary: “Boss is prepared, prepare yourself.”

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In a morning Bible study, a group of women were studying how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”

All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
A few women answered today, some said yesterday, and some didn’t remember.

The women were then asked to take their phones and send the text message, “I love you, sweetheart.”
After a few minutes, the women were asked to exchange phones and read aloud the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:
1. Who is this?
2. Uh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean.
6. What did you do now?

7. ?!!???
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn’t she?
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ONE-LINERS:Most Worthless New Inventions
~ The water-proof towel
~ Glow in the dark sunglasses
~ Solar powered flashlights

~ Submarine screen doors
~ A book on how to read
~ Inflatable dart boards

~ A dictionary index
~ Powdered water
~ Pedal powered wheel chairs

~ Water proof tea bags
~ Watermelon seed sorter
~ Zero proof alcohol

~ Reusable ice cubes
~ See through toilet tissue
~ Skinless bananas

~ Do it yourself roadmap
~ Helicopter ejector seat
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A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.

“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”
“Oh no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”
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An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses. “Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby.

“Nuns … with scissors.”
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PICTURE OF THE DAY: Happy Howl-o-ween!

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Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie . . .

– Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
– Don’t assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
– When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

– As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.
– When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.
– Don’t go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!

– If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.
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Halloween’s confusing.
Your parents tell you to never take candy from strangers.
Then they dress you up and tell you to go beg for it.
Are you supposed to knock on people’s doors and say, “Trick or treat . . . no thank you”?
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HALLOWEEN PUN ZONE!

Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
———-

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.
———-

Q: What do you call a single vampire?
A: A bat-chelor.
———-

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts!
———-

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
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Ron was walking down the street when he met a small boy. Ron asked his name.
The lad replied, “Six and seven-eighths.”

Ron looked puzzled and asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and the youngster replied, “Oh, they just picked it out of a hat.”
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A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, “I can’t do anything about this – it’s a hardware problem.”
The hardware manager says, “Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.”
The marketing manager says, “Hey, 75% of it is working – let’s ship it!”
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A Little Older, A Little Mixed Up

Just a line to say I’m living,
That I’m not among the dead.
Though I’m getting more forgetful
And more mixed up in the head.

For sometimes I can’t remember,
When I stand at foot of stairs,
If I must go up for something,
Or if I’ve just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often
My poor mind is filled with doubt
Have I just put food away?…or
Have I come to take some out?

And there’s times when it is dark out,
With my night cap on my head
I don’t know if I’m retiring
Or just getting out of bed.

So…if it’s my turn to write you
There’s no need of getting sore,
I may think that I have written
And don’t want to be a bore!!

So, remember..I do love you
And I wish that you were here,
But now it’s nearly mail time,
So I must say good-bye my dear.

There I stood beside the mail box
With a face so very red
Instead of mailing you my letter,
I had opened it instead!!

My bifocals fit – my dentures are fine
My hearing aid works…but ..I do miss my mind!!!
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By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. “Why are you so late?” his friend asked.

“I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.”
“How long could that have taken you?”
“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: ~ How did Halloween originate?
Halloween and many of its customs can be traced back to Samhain, an ancient pagan Celtic festival that is Gaelic for “summer’s end,” a day to bid good-bye to warmth and light.
When the Roman Empire took over Celt-occupied lands they combined many of the Celtic traditions, including Samhain, with their own. The day became All Hallows’ Day or Allhallowmas, “hallow” meaning “to sanctify.”
Later the Roman Catholic Church designated November 1 as All Saints’ Day, in honor of all Catholic saints. It was celebrated with a mass, bonfires, and people costumed as angels and saints parading through the villages. November 2 brings All Souls’ Day, a holy day set aside for honoring the dead and departed.
Just as November 1 was once called All Hallows’ Day, October 31 was called All Hallows’ Eve. Over time, All Hallows’ Eve was shortened to Halloween!

~ What is Samhain? It’s a Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the “darker half” of the year. Traditionally, it is celebrated from 31 October to 1 November, as the Celtic day began and ended at sunset. This is about halfway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice.

~ Why do we carve pumpkins to make Jack-O’-Lanterns for Halloween? In ancient Ireland, revelers would hollow out large turnips (or potatoes or beets) and carve them into a demon’s face to frighten away spirits. They would light the turnips from within with a candle or a piece of smoldering coal. They then placed the lanterns in the windows and doorways of their homes, in the belief that the carvings would scare off evil spirits and welcome deceased loved ones inside.
Irish immigrants arriving in the New World during the early 1800s found the plentiful, easier-to-carve pumpkins ready substitutes for turnips.

~ Why do people wear scary costumes on Halloween? During Samhain, superstitious country folk would disguise themselves with animal skins and masks made from sailcloth or linen. In costume, they would go outdoors and make lots of noise, in an effort to fool troublesome spirits into thinking that they were one of them or to scare them away.

~ How did Trick or Treating Start? During Samhain an extra place was set at the table as an offering to deceased loved ones. Also, food was placed outside near the doorway to appease bothersome spirits who might otherwise play a trick on the inhabitants, such as tipping over containers of milk.
Today’s trick-or-treating dates to the Middle Ages, when poor people collected baked goods called “soul cakes” from the wealthy. In exchange for cakes, the poor promised to pray for the giver’s deceased loved ones.(Farmer’s Almanac)
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You cannot make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.Wayne Dyer

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