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October 5th

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? – Albert Camus


TODAY – OCTOBER 5th

278th day of the year (279th in leap years) with 87 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Chic Spy Day
~ Global James Bond Day
~ National Apple Betty Day
~ National Do Something Nice Day
~ National Get Funky Day
~ National Kiss a Wrestler Day
~ National Rhode Island Day
~ I’m Just Me Because Month
~ National Bullying Prevention Month
~ Spina Bifida Awareness Month
~ World Teachers Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1830 Chester Alan Arthur, Fairfield, Vermont, (R) 21st President of the US (1881-85)
  • 1882 Robert Goddard, Worcester, Massachusetts, rocket scientist (First liquid-fueled rocket, multi-stage rocket / “father of the Space Age”)
  • 1902 Larry Fine, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (Larry of The Three Stooges)
  • 1902 Ray Kroc, Oak Park, Illinois, established McDonalds restaurant chain
  • 1922 Bil Keane, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, cartoonist (newspaper comic The Family Circus)
  • 1924 Bob Thaves, Burt, Iowa, cartoonist (Frank and Ernest)
  • 1929 Richard F. Gordon, Jr., Seattle, Washington, astronaut (one of only 24 people to have flown to the Moon (Gemini 11, Apollo 12))
  • 1952 Clive Barker, English author (Weaveworld, Cabal, Abarat, The Scarlet Gospels)
  • 1958 Neil DeGrasse Tyson, The Bronx, New York City, Astrophysicist ( Director of the Hayden Planetarium, founded Department of Astrophysics at the American Museum of Natural History in 1997, research associate in the department since 2003; NOVA scienceNOW 2006-2011; tv series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage in 2014); author (My Favorite Universe, The Pluto Files, Space Chronicles)
  • 1960 Daniel Baldwin, Massapequa, New York, actor (Homicide: Life on the Street, Ned Blessing: The True Story of My Life, Mulholland Falls, Vampires, The Pandora Project, Stealing Candy, Paparazzi, Grey Gardens, Celebrity Big Brother UK)
  • 1975 Kate Winslet, English actress (The Reader, Mildred Pierce, Finding Neverland, The Holiday, Flushed Away, Divergent, Insurgent, Steve Jobs, Triple 9)

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Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. – Josh Billings
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1905 Wilbur Wright pilots Wright Flyer III in a flight of 24 miles in 39 minutes, a world record that stood until 1908.
  • 1921 1st World Series radio broadcast, Yanks beat Giants 3-0 (World Series #18).
  • 1945 Hollywood Black Friday: A six month strike by Hollywood set decorators turns into a bloody riot at the gates of Warner Brothers’ studios.
  • 1947 The first televised White House address is given by U.S. President Harry S. Truman.
  • 1962 The first in the James Bond film series, Dr. No, released.
  • 1970 PBS (Public Broadcasting Service ) television network founded.
  • 1982 Johnson & Johnson initiates a nationwide product recall in the United States for all products in its Tylenol brand after several bottles in Chicago are found to have been laced with cyanide, resulting in seven deaths.
  • 1984 Marc Garneau becomes the first Canadian in space, aboard the Space Shuttle Challenger.

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GOLDEN OLDIE… These two guys out hunting find a hole in the woods that’s about three feet across, but it’s so deep that when they drop a rock, they hear no sound. So they drop a bigger rock, but they still hear nothing.

So they go looking for something larger, and they find a railroad tie, haul it over to the hole, and heave it in. It also disappears without a sound.

Suddenly a goat comes running up at about sixty miles an hour and dives headfirst into the hole. And there’s still no sound. Nothing.

Suddenly a farmer appears from the woods and says, “HEY! You fellas seen my goat around here?”

And they say, “Well, there was a goat just ran by here real fast and dove into this hole here.”

“Naw,” says the farmer, “that couldn’t be my goat. My goat was tied up to a railroad tie.”

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After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.
“Is Mike there?” I asked.
“He’s in the shower,” she responded.
“Please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. “This is Mike,” he said.
“You’re not my boyfriend!” I exclaimed.
“I know,” he replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour.”
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ONE-LINERS: How to get rid of telemarketers….

– If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died. When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

– If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

– This works great if you are male: Telemarketing: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company…Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”

– Cry out in surprise, “Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

– Say “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to peak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

– If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?”

– After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give you credit card number to a complete stranger.

– Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can’t sell to employees.

– Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream “Oh my Gosh!!!” and then hang up.

– Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The telemarketer will agree and you say, “Now you know how I feel!” Hang up.

– Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

– If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends…Would you be my friend?”

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I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing.
He told me he was working on “aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment.”

I was impressed.
In further conversation, I learned that he was “washing dishes with hot water under his wife’s supervision.”
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pic of the day: Toucan

Toucan Bird
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There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof.

While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim says “No, that’s ok. God will take care of me.” So, the man in the boat drives off.

The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof.
At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.
Jim replies, “No, that’s ok. God will take care of me.” The person in the boat then leaves.

The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney.
Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim tells her “That’s ok.”
The woman says “Are you sure?”
Jim says, “Yeah, I’m sure God will take care of me.

Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns.
Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God.

Jim says to God “You told me you would take care of me! What happened?”
God replied “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”
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The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”
So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”
“Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, “He’s blind, he can’t see. What could it hurt.”
They let him in.
The man walks in, does a double take, and says, “Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

“Tell me how to get on in life,” said the kettle out loud.

~ “Never be led,” said the pencil.
~ “Take panes,” said the window.
~ “Make light of everything,” said the lamp.

~ “Just reflect,” said the mirror.
~ “Do a driving business,” said the hammer.
~ “Aspire to grate things,” said the cheese grater.

~ “Be sharp,” said the knife.
~ “Never do anything offhand,” said the glove.
~ “Make much of small things,” said the microscope.

~ “Find a good thing and stick to it,: said the glue.
~ And that is why the kettle sings as she works, and works as she sings.
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Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break.
For me, it’s biting my fingernails.

One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
“Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”
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Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “God told me!”
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!!!”
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The frigate I served on held a family cruise off the coast of Southern California, and my “landlubber” mother flew in from Kansas to attend the event and enjoy a weekend of sightseeing.

The day before sailing, we toured San Diego and visited Cabrillo National Monument on Point Loma.
There, from an altitude of 400 feet, we could view San Diego Bay and the vessels transiting the channel.

Taking it all in, my mother looked down at the bay and asked, “Now, is all that water at sea level?” – Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Troy L. Johnson
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Our daughter stayed home one weekend while my wife and I went on a weekend trip to celebrate our anniversary.
At some point while we were gone, the telephone rang.
It was a telemarketer.

Telemarketer: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Raymond?”
Daughter: “I’m sorry, but Mr. Raymond is out of town celebrating his wedding anniversary.”
Telemarketer: “How nice for him! Well, then, may I speak to Mrs. Raymond?”
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Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, “Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?”
“I didn’t even see her,” admitted Mr. Peterson.

“And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing,” continued Mrs. Peterson, “Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said Mr. Peterson.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped Mrs. Peterson. “A lot of good it does you to go to church.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How does a cheetah run so quickly?
A cheetah can advance 7 to 8 meters in a single stride, and the animal completes four strides per second. A stride is measured as the distance between successive imprints of the same paw.

~ What are Chic Spy Day and Global James Bond Day about?
On this date in 1962 the Bond movie, “Dr. No” premiered in theaters. People all over the world were enchanted by Sean Connery’s portrayal of James Bond. So this date is to acknowledge that a well-dressed spy is always more successful in catching the bad guys than a scruffy one. Time to honor the elegant and sophisticated spies in popular culture!

~ How long have kids been collecting baseball cards?
Baseball cards have been around since 1886. Modern cards, with high-resolution color photographs on the front and player statistics on the back, date from 1953. The photos are taken in the spring, with and without team caps, just in case the player is traded to another team.

~ How much energy does an insect burn?
An insect exerts so much energy in one hour of flying that it may lose as much as a third of its total body weight.

~ Is Brazil the land of big critters?
Brazil is a land with a lot of big creatures — it is home to the world’s largest snake (the anaconda, measuring up to 35 feet in length), largest spider, largest rodent (the capybara, a sort of guinea pig the size of a police dog), and the world’s largest ant.

~ How do prairie dogs communicate?
Communication within the prairie dog community is crucial to the creatures’ survival. An appointed sentry, spotting a predator, will give a distinctive warning cry, which instantly sends all others grabbing up babies and scurrying to the safety of their burrows. An all-clear call later announces that danger is passed. Experts are fascinated by the prairie dogs’ cooperative system.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses – Elizabeth Taylor

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not. – Vaclav Havel

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