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October 7th

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. – Brendan Gill


TODAY – OCTOBER 7th

280th day of the year (281st in leap years) with 85 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Bald and Free Day
~ National Chocolate Covered Pretzel Day
~ National Frappe Day
~ National Inner Beauty Day
~ National LED Light Day
~ Clergy Appreciation Month
~ National Apple Month
~ Lupus Awareness Month
~ National Cookie Month
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It takes a long time to grow an old friend. – John Leonard
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1849 James Whitcomb Riley, Greenfield, Indiana, poet (Hoosier Poet)
  • 1885 Niels Bohr, Copenhagen, Denmark, physicist (understanding atomic structure and quantum mechanics)
  • 1927 Al Martino, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer and actor (one of the great Italian American pop crooners and known as an actor, particularly for his role as singer Johnny Fontane in The Godfather).
  • 1931 Desmond Tutu, South African archbishop and Nobel Laureate
  • 1939 Harold Kroto, Cambridgeshire, England, chemist (Buckminsterfullerene)
  • 1939 John Hopcroft, Seattle, Washington, computer scientist and author (Introduction to Automata Theory, Languages, and Computation ( Cinderella book))
  • 1948 Diane Ackerman, Waukegan, Illinois, poet, essayist & naturalist (A Natural History of the Senses)
  • 1955 Yo-Yo Ma, French-born American cellist
  • 1957 Michael W. Smith, Kenova, West Virgina, contemporary Christian singer
  • 1976 Taylor Hicks, Birmingham, Alabama, musician, won the fifth season of American Idol
  • 1982 Li Yundi, Chinese classical pianist (youngest pianist to win the International Frederick Chopin Piano Competition at the age of 18)

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Nothing is as far away as one minute ago. – Jim Bishop
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 American Revolutionary War: The Americans defeat the British in the Second Battle of Saratoga, also known as the Battle of Bemis Heights.
  • 1826 Granite Railway (first chartered railway in the U.S.) begins operations.
  • 1868 Cornell University holds opening day ceremonies; initial student enrollment is 412, the highest at any American university to that date.
  • 1949 German Democratic Republic (East Germany) formed.
  • 1952 “American Bandstand” debuts on a local Philadelphia station.
  • 1958 U.S. manned space-flight project renamed Project Mercury.
  • 1963 John F. Kennedy signs ratification for Partial Test Ban Treaty.
  • 1982 Cats opens on Broadway and runs for nearly 18 years before closing on September 10, 2000.
  • 1985 The Achille Lauro is hijacked by Palestine Liberation Organization.
  • 2001 The U.S. invasion of Afghanistan starts with an air assault and covert operations on the ground.
  • 2003 Gray Davis is recalled as Governor of California, three years before the official end of his office term. Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor.
  • 2008 Asteroid 2008 TC3, weighing 2008 TC3, weighing 80 metric tons, impacts the Earth over Sudan.

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The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company’s complaint department to ask for help.

‘The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.’, said the nun.

‘Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.’, said the company spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, ‘I think the term they actually use is ‘%#$&*%$ shovel”.

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Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very ritzy jewelry shop.

The jeweler inquired, ‘Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?’

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, ‘No, instead engrave “To my one and only love”.’

The jeweler smiled and said, ‘Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.’

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, ‘Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.’

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ONE-LINERS: Things to do in an Elevator

1. When the elevator doors close, exclaim loudly “Don’t be alarmed folks, the doors will open again shortly”.

2. Press all of the buttons in the elevator when you get out – especially when other people are still in it.

3. Introduce your imaginary friend. And have a conversation with them.

4. Stand at the front of the elevator, facing the back. [If you are the first person in the elevator to do this, others will probably follow your lead]

5. Exclaim to all in the lift “Oh, no! It’s started raining!” then open your umbrella.

6. Ask everyone what their e-mail addresses are then tell them there’s too many dot’s in them.

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A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said, ”When you can read this, come back and see me.”

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Blast from the Past: Autumn Display


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While listening to an oldies radio station, my six-year-old evidently got the 60’s mixed up with the 21st century…

Instead of singing along,
“Goin’ to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married,”

I heard him sing,
“Goin’ to the chat room
And we’re gonna get married.”
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The attorney for whom I work as a legal secretary was handling the disposition of a will. Because of the
size of the estate involved, we spent several days on paper work with the widow.

Afterward, my boss wearily remarked that settlement of the estate had entailed an unusual amount of effort.

“Yes, it did,” said the widow, sighing. “You know, sometimes I just wish that John hadn’t died.”

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Mercy Hospital in Chicago is run by a group of nuns who came from Australia. Through the years the years they have gone out of their way to maintain ties with their native land — putting up a large map of the country in the reception area, and serving Australian tea from tins decorated with koala bears.

One night a patient calls a nun into his room and tells her how much he likes the hospital and the care. But he has one small complaint: he found some leaves in his tea.

“Oh,” the nun says, “the koala tea of Mercy is not strained.”

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WARNING! PUN ZONE #2!

The Bureau of prisons just announced the release of a serial bank robber who had looted over 30 banks before his capture.

The parole board says he is completely rehabilitated and has found employment at his home in Prague.

Yes, that is correct…

They were able to right a bad czech.

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A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.

“Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals?

And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the lecturer added, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon, eggs and buttered toast.”

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sits staring at it morosely, so the bartender says, “What’s wrong with you, Bob?”

“My wife doesn’t understand me,” replies Bob.

“Well,” says the bartender, “maybe you should have married someone who speaks English!”

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After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?”

After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, “Once?”
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In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it often turned out that they had had a hand in it.

Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.

The father replied: ‘Sure, do that before I kill them!’

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, and said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his gnarled and boney forefinger at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’

The 8 year old boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.

A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked: ‘Where is God?’

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said: ‘We are in BIIIIG trouble.’

The 10 year old asked: ‘What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?’

His brother replied: ‘God is missing and they think we did it.’

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: If you stop drinking coffee, will you go through withdrawal? Absolutely — Withdrawal symptoms may appear within 12 to 24 hours after discontinuation of caffeine intake, peak at roughly 48 hours, and usually last from one to five days. Symptoms include headache and/or nausea, feelings of fatigue and drowsiness, anxiety, irritability, inability to concentrate, and diminished motivation to initiate or to complete daily tasks.

~What is a blue chip stock? Secure, relatively high-yielding stocks came to be called blue chips, a term taken from the game of poker, where blue chips are more valuable than white or red chips.

~What made Louis’ chair special? At the court of Louis XIV, prestige was measured by the height of the chair one was allowed to sit in. Only the King and Queen could sit in chairs with arms.

~ Where does the word “hurricane” come from? According to the National Hurricane Center, the word “hurricane” comes from the name “Hurican,” the Caribbean god of evil.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it – Groucho Marx

QUIP #2: If he ever said what’s on his mind. he’d be speechless

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If you can wear the hard times of your life as furrows on your brow, you can wear the good times as a twinkle in your eye. – Robert Braul

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