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September 16th

Life is fickle; the fair man doesn’t invariably win. – Mark Hodder, The Strange Affair of Spring Heeled Jack


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 16th

259th day of the year (260th in leap years) with 106 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ American Legion Day
~ Collect Rocks Day
~ International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer
~ Mayflower Day
~ Mexican Independence Day (Mexico from Spain in 1810)
~ National Cinnamon-Raisin Bread Day
~ National Guacamole Day
~ National Play Doh Day
~ National Stepfamily Day
~ National Working Parents Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1875 James C. Penney, Hamilton, Missouri, department store founder (J.C. Penney’s)
  • 1898 H. A. Rey, American author (Curious George books for children)
  • 1914 Allen Funt, New York City, New York, radio and television personality (Candid Camera)
  • 1920 Art Sansom, East Cleveland, Ohio, cartoonist (The Born Loser)
  • 1924 Lauren Bacall, New York City, New York, actress (Dark Passage, Key Largo)
  • 1925 B.B. King, Berclair, Mississippi, blues singer-songwriter, guitarist, and producer
  • 1927 Jack Kelly, Queens, New York, actor (Maverick), mayor of Huntington Beach CA (1983-1986)
  • 1927 Peter Falk, New York, New York, actor (Colombo, Scared Straight)
  • 1930 Anne Francis, Ossining, NY, actress (Forbidden Planet, Honey West, Funny Girl, Impasse, Dallas)
  • 1948 Susan Ruttan, Oregon City, Oregon, actress (The Jeffersons, Roxanne Melman on LA Law)
  • 1949 Ed Begley, Jr., Los Angeles, California, actor (St. Elsewhere, Living With Ed, Greenbean on original Battlestar Galactica, The West Wing, Gary Unmarried, Betas, Better Call Saul, Ghostbusters)
  • 1952 Mickey Rourke, Schenectady, New York, actor (Bullet, Barfly, Angel Heart, The Rainmaker, Man on Fire, Sin City, Blunt Force Trauma)
  • 1953 Kurt Fuller, San Francisco, actor (Ghostbusters II, Alias, Better With You, Scandal)
  • 1956 David Copperfield, Metuchen, New Jersey, magician / illusionist
  • 1960 Jayne Brook, Northbrook, Illinois, actress (Chicago Hope, The District, John Doe, Private Practice)
  • 1970 Mark Schultz, Colby, Kansas, musician (contemporary Christian music)
  • 1981 Alexis Bledel, Houston, Texas, actress (Gilmore Girls, Post Grad, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
  • 1984 Sabrina Bryan, Yorba Linda, California, actress and singer. (The Cheetah Girls, 5th & 15th seasons of Dancing with the Stars, I Think My Babysitter’s an Alien)
  • 1988 Sarah Steele, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (Spanglish, Margaret, The Good Wife, The Homeless Billionaire)
  • 1992 Nick Jonas, Dallas, Texas, singer and guitar player (Jonas Brothers), actor (Camp Rock 2, Jonas, Kingdom, Scream Queens, Goat)

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Each moment in time we have it all, even when we think we don’t. – Melody Beattie
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1620 The Mayflower starts her voyage to North America
  • 1880 The Cornell Daily Sun prints its first issue in Ithaca, New York. The Sun is the nation’s oldest, continuously-independent college daily.
  • 1893 Cherokee Strip, Oklahoma, opened to white settlement homesteaders.
  • 1908 General Motors founded by William C Durant.
  • 1919 The American Legion is incorporated.
  • 1959 The Xerox 914, first successful photocopier, demonstrated for 1st time on live television from New York City.
  • 1963 Outer Limits” premiers on TV.
  • 1966 The Metropolitan Opera House opens at Lincoln Center in New York City with the world premiere of Samuel Barber’s opera, Antony and Cleopatra.
  • 1975 The first prototype of the MiG-31 interceptor makes its maiden flight.
  • 1987 The Montreal Protocol is signed to protect the ozone layer from depletion.
  • 1991 The trial of deposed Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega begins in the United States.
  • 2013 Lone gunman Aaron Alexis fatally shot twelve people & injured 3 others at the Washington Navy Yard.

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GOLDEN OLDIE… Four doctors were sitting in the hospital lounge, arguing over who was the easiest to operate on. The first doctor said, ” I think librarians are easiest. Everything is in alphabetical order!”

The next doctor says “Nawwwwww, it’s gotta be construction workers, everything comes with blueprints!”

The 3rd doctor says “I am sure it has got to be bankers, everything is put in numerical order!”

The last doctor stands up and says “You are ALL wrong!! Lawyers are easiest, they have no guts, no brains, and both ends are interchangeable!!!!”

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One day while driving with my 4-year old-daughter, I beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at me for an explanation.

I said, “I did that by accident.”

She replied, “I know that cuz you didn’t say ‘YOU JERK!'”

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ONE-LINERS: New Meds….
Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier …:

~ St. Mom’s Wort: Plant extract that treats Mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

~ Empty Nestrogen: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait til they moved out.

~ Flipitor: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

~ Antiboyotics: When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on make-up.

~ Menicillin: Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person …”

~ Buyagra: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

~ Extra Strength Buy-one-all: Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

~ Jack Asspirin: Relieves the headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

~ Anti-talksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

~ Ragaman: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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I was suffering from what felt like a bad case of the flu, so I phoned my doctor for an appointment.

The scheduling person gave me a date three weeks in the future.

“Three weeks?!?” I bellowed. “The doctor can’t see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!”

Calmly, the receptionist replied, “If you are, would you please have your next of kin call to cancel the appointment?”

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GOLDEN OLDIE A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, He found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say pardner, before you go…what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
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Goldenrod (Solidago) and Goldenrod Soldier Beetles (Chauliognathus pensylvanicus)

Goldenrod blooming
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The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson.

“Worker ants,” she told them, “can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?”

One child was ready with an answer: “They don’t have a union.”

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A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

“Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the skinny man.

“Okay, see that giant redwood over there?” said the lumberjack. “Take your axe and go cut it down.”

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack’s door. “I cut the tree down,” said the man.

The lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes and said, “Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?”

“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the puny man.

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, “Oh sure, that’s what they call it now!”

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A manufacturer of factory whistles thought he had found an untapped market in rock quarries that had no adequate way of advising workers to start or stop work. He test-marketed his company’s special tooting whistles at a quarry but unfortunately the shrill sound caused rock slides.

Thinking this had to be an anomaly, he then tested the whistle at other quarries. Unfortunately, they got the same results.

He didn’t make any sales, but he had learned an important lesson: There are toot slides to every quarry.

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A little punny….Census Taker: “How many children do you have?”
Woman: “Four.”

Census Taker: “May I have their names, please?”
Woman: “Eenee, Meenee, Minee and George.”

Census Taker: “Okay, that’s fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?”
Woman: “Because we didn’t want any Moe.”
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After a family visit, my sister and her son drove me to the airport for my flight home. They waited as I checked in at the counter, and then I walked back to them and told them, “I have to wait another three hours.”

“How come?” my nephew asked.

“My plane has been grounded.”

“Grounded? I didn’t know planes had parents.”

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Two mice scavenging in an old studio warehouse find some old celluloid film.

Mouse 1: This looks really old! I wonder what film it is?

Mouse 2: The can is right here … Oh, it’s “Gone with the Wind”!

Mouse 1: Well, maybe it’s still good – let me take a bite…

Mouse 2: Well? How is it?

Mouse 1: Nothing much. The book was better.
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I took my family to a museum which included an old one-room schoolhouse. In the classroom I pointed to a desk that had an empty hole for an ink bottle.

Realizing that the kids had never seen anything like that before I asked them, “What do you think this hole was for?”

My twelve-year-old had a ready answer: “It’s a Coke can holder.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What were the last words spoken from the moon? The last words spoken from the moon were from Eugene Cernan, Commander of the Apollo 17 Mission on 11 December 1972. “As we leave the Moon at Taurus-Littrow, we leave as we came, and, God willing, we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind.”

~ How long would a 19th century Londoner live? The average life span of London residents in the middle of the 19th century was 27 years. For members of the working class, that number dropped to 22 years.

~ Is there really a moth that drinks blood from animals? Absolutely — it’s the aptly named Asian Vampire Moth. This strange insect pierces the skin of animals with its sharp proboscis and drinks the animals’ blood. Even more disturbingly, some moths feed on nothing but the eye fluids of cattle and deer. Most moths and butterflies, on the other hand, feed on nectar and pollen from flowers or on a variety of moist, rotting matter such as fruit, sap, and animal droppings. Some moths don’t eat at all as adults and have very short life spans.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. – Dalai Lama

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