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September 19th

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. – Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 19th

262nd day of the year (263rd in leap years) with 103 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Talk Like A Pirate Day
~ National Butterscotch Pudding Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1911 William Golding, Cornwall, UK, author / poet / playwright (Lord of the Flies, Rites of Passage)
  • 1928 Adam West, Walla Walla, Washington, actor (Batman TV series , The Fairly Odd Parents, Family Guy)
  • 1933 David McCallum, Jr., Glasgow, Scotland, actor / musician (Illya Kuryakin / The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Dr. Donald “Ducky” Mallard / NCIS)
  • 1945 Randolph Mantooth, Sacramento, California, actor (Emergency!, Operation Petticoat, As The World Turns)
  • 1948 Jeremy Irons, English actor (Brideshead Revisited, The Civil War, The Lion King, Die Hard with a Vengeance, The Borgias, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Assassin’s Creed)
  • 1949 Twiggy (Lesley Hawson), London, England, model / singer – The Face of 1966 (America’s Next Top Model)
  • 1960 Mario Batali, Seattle, Washington, chef / writer / media personality (Iron Chef America, Mediterranean Mario)
  • 1964 Trisha Yearwood, Monticello, Georgia, singer (She’s in Love with the Boy )
  • 1965 Sunita Williams, Euclid, Ohio, US Navy captain, pilot, and astronaut (STS-116, Expedition 14, Expedition 15, STS-117, Soyuz TMA-05M (Expedition 32/33))
  • 1974 Jimmy Fallon, Jr., Brooklyn, New York, actor / comedian (Saturday Night Live, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon)
  • 1977 Danny Forster, American architect, television host, and producer (Extreme Engineering, Build It Bigger)

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To err is human. To ARRR is pirate.
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1778 The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States.
  • 1796 George Washington’s farewell address is printed across America as an open letter to the public.
  • 1881 U.S. President James A. Garfield dies of wounds suffered in a July 2 shooting.
  • 1957 First American underground nuclear bomb test.
  • 1959 Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland.
  • 1995 The Washington Post and The New York Times publish the Unabomber’s manifesto.
  • 2010 The leaking oil well in the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is sealed.
  • 2011 Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees surpasses Trevor Hoffman to become Major League Baseball’s all time saves leader with 602.

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A pirate had a parrot that wouldn’t stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.

Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said “I promise, I’ll be good from now on. But, I have just one question… What did the turkey do?????”
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A pirate goes to the doctor to figure out why his waist hurts so much.
The doctor examines him, then comes to the conclusion.

“Captain, my diagnosis is this. You have Hempatitus.”
The captain is awash with fear!

“Argh, how can this be? I’ve only been with good clean wenches me whole life!”
“No!” replies the doctor. “You have hempatitus. The hemp rope holding up your pants is too tight! You’ve got Hemp-a-titus!”
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Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate. . .

(10) “You can flog me, but I’m not eating creamed spinach.”
(9) “I’ve buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”
(8) “I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas.”

(7) “Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck.”
(6) “This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days.”
(5) “I wouldn’t serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig.”

(4) “If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?”
(3) “This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast.”
(2) “Too many vegetables – too little shark.”

(1) “What did they do with the last cook’s body after he was hung from the yardarm?”
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A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.
The bartender asks, “Why are you wearing a paper towel?”
“Arrr…” says the pirate. “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”
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pic of the day: In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day. . .

talk like a pirate picture
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, “Nice pirate outfit. Where’d you get your earrings?”

The pirate says, “Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street.”
So the wench exclaims, “Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!”
——–

And how much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buck an ear! Aaaarrr!
——–

Why are pirates pirates?
. . . . cuz they arrrrrr
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Another Pirate Punny. . . On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow’s nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain’s quarters. The Captain, surprised, says “Matey, ye be hurt!?”
“Narrrr Cap’n,” replied the First Mate, “I’ve been through hardships before!”
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Once there was a retired pirate so he decides to live with his brother.
The pirate walks up to his brothers house and knocks on the door and his brother answers the door and says, “Oh my gosh , what happened to your hand!?! ”
The pirate said, “I lost it in a sword fight , but now I have a hook.”

Then the brother said, “What about your leg?”
The pirate said, “A cannonball hit it , but now I have a peg leg .”

Then the brother said, “Well , what about your eye?”
The pirate said, “I got some dust in it .”

The brother said, “How could you lose your eye by just getting some dust in it?”
Then the pirate said, “It was my first day with my hook!
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A pirate walks into a bar. It’s a strange looking pirate. The bartender asks him,
“Hey, what’s with the green skin and pointy ears?”
The pirate says… “I’m from MARRRRRRRRRRS!!”
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A guy walks into a pub with a t-shirt that says “Pirates are stupid for 3 reasons!” He walks up to the bar, orders an ale. and sits down. He no more than gets his quaff when a smelly old sot comes up to him and says, “Aaargh, thar, matey! What’s that yer shirt be sayin’ thar?”

The guy looks around, looks the man straight in the eyes (well, in his one good eye, anyway), and says “Reason number 1 — Pirates can’t read!” Then he turns around to enjoy his beverage.
Not used to this sort of disrespect, the surly gent takes his hooked arm, lays it aggressively on the man’s shoulder, and slowly says, “What’s that ye be sayin’ thar, sonny-boy?”

The guy looks around again, looks his aggressor square in the eye this time, and enunciates, “Rea-son num-ber 2 — Pirates can’t hear!” And again, he turns around to face the bar.
Well, by this time, the old codger has had enough. He backs up, pulls his sword, and growls, “Aaaaargh, ye bilge rat, that be enuff of yer sass! Stand up and fight, ye lubber, yer soon to be acquainted with Davy Jones, his-self!”

With that, the guy stands up, pulls his pistol, and shoots the pirate dead through his one good eye. He drops his head as he watches him fall, sighs, and says, “Reason #3 — You pirates are constantly bringing swords to gunfights!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Pirate Stuff!

~ Were all pirate flags black and white? No, they also used an all red flag that meant death to all who saw it, as the pirates would show no mercy in the coming battle.

~ What was the read name of the famous pirate Blackbeard? Edward Teach.

~ What’s a powder monkey on a pirate ship? Small boys on pirate ships were often given a job of cleaning and loading guns during battle, earning them the title of “powder monkey”. If they survived, they were eventually promoted to gunner’s mate or gunner.

~ On which Caribbean Island is Port Royal? Jamaica. The city of Port Royal was famous for “Gallows Point” where numerous pirate were hanged. Port Royal is opposite Kingston in the same harbor of Jamaica. Gallows Point was one of the first points of land visible when entering port. The gallows were placed there to discourage piracy, as bodies were left there as a warning once the pirates were hanged.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “There comes a time in a man’s life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.” – Dave Barry

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .“Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.” – CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW (played by Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean)

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