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September 21st

Optimist: someone who isn’t sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play. – Robert Brault


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 21st

264th day of the year (265th in leap years) with 101 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Escapology Day
~ International Day of Peace
~ Miniature Golf Day
~ National Chai Day
~ National Farm Safety Day for Kids
~ National Myositis Awareness Day
~ National New York Day
~ National Pecan Cookie Day
~ Pause the World Day
~ World Alzheimer’s Day
~ World Gratitude Day
~ National Preparedness Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1756 John Loudon McAdam, Scottish engineer (created macadam road surface (asphalt))
  • 1866 H(erbert) G(eorge) Wells, England, author – “Father of Science Fiction” (War of the Worlds, The Time Machine, The Invisible Man, The Island of Dr. Moreau)
  • 1931 Larry Hagman, Fort Worth, Texas, actor (I Dream of Jeannie, JR in Dallas)
  • 1947 Stephen King, Portland, Maine, author (Carrie, The Shining, Kujo, The Dark Tower series, Mr. Mercedes)
  • 1950 Bill Murray, Evanston, Illinois, comedian & actor (SNL, What About Bob, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Olive Kitterage. The Jungle Book 2016)
  • 1955 Richard Hieb, Jamestown, North Dakota, former NASA astronaut (veteran of three space shuttle missions; STS-39, STS-49, STS-65)
  • 1961 Nancy Travis, New York City, New York, actress (Greedy, Internal Affairs, Three Men and a Baby, Last Man Standing)
  • 1962 Rob Morrow, New Rochelle, New York, actor (Numb3rs, Texas Rising, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story, Billions)
  • 1967 Faith Hill, Ridgeland, Mississippi, country singer (married to Tim McGraw)
  • 1990 Christian Serratos, Pasadena, California, actress, model and singer (Angela Weber in Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse, The Walking Dead)
  • 1990 Allison Scagliotti, Monterey, California, actress (Drake & Josh, Warehouse 13, Stitchers, The Vampire Diaries)

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A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? – Albert Einstein
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1780 Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point.
  • 1897 NY Sun runs famous “Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus,” editorial.
  • 1937The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien is published.
  • 1957 Perry Mason” with Raymond Burr premiers on CBS-TV.
  • 1970 Monday Night Football” on ABC premiers (Browns beat Jets 31-21).
  • 2003 Galileo mission is terminated by sending the probe into Jupiter’s atmosphere, where it is crushed by the pressure at the lower altitudes.
  • 2008 Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, the two last remaining independent investment banks on Wall Street, become bank holding companies as a result of the subprime mortgage crisis.
  • 2011 United States military ends its “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, allowing gay men and women to serve openly for the first time.

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Random Thoughts . . .

~ It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
~ A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
~ As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

~ The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
~ I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
~ Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
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Two airheads are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk, and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.”
The second airhead says, “Here, let me see!”

So the first airhead hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
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ONE-LINERS: ** Top Ten Funny and Self-Evident Truths About the Military **

1) If you can see the enemy, he can see you.
2) Never tell a Sergeant you have nothing to do.

3) If the enemy is in range, so are you.
4) Aim towards the Enemy. [Instruction printed on a rocket launcher]

5) Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
6) Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
7) The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

8) Whoever said, ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
9) Friendly fire isn’t.
10) Tracers work both ways.
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A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Are they relatives of yours?”

“Yes,” his wife replied. “I married into the family.”
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A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

“It’s pretty good Pa. The food’s not bad, the work’s easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning.”
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pic of the day: Goat Eating Hay

white goat eating hay
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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed; however, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman asked.

“Uhhh, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch ALL the fish?”
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This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist.
He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”

The friend asks, “How so?”

“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”
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WARNING! ANIMAL PUN ZONE!

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
A cow that can milk itself!

Why did the farmer call his pig ‘Ink’?
Because he kept running out of the pen!

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
Cold cream!

What game do cows play at parties?
Moosical chairs!

Why is it called a ‘herd’ of cattle?
Well, have you ‘herd’ the sound they make!

Why was the lamb told off for being rude?
He would not say ‘thank ewe’ to his mum!
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“Doctor, Doctor! You’ve gotta help me! An alligator bit off my leg!”

“Which one?”

“How should I know? All these gators look alike!”

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“Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday,” little Joshua said to his uncle. “It’s the best present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his uncle. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Oh, I don’t play it,” the little fellow replied. “My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!”

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A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.

Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”

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Coincidence?

YEAR: 1981

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

YEAR: 2005

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, somebody please warn the Pope!

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How many Medals of Honor have been awarded? 
In total, 3,461 medals have been awarded to 3,442 different people. Nineteen men received a second award: 14 of these received two separate Medals for two separate actions, and five received both the Navy and the Army Medals of Honor for the same action. Since the beginning of World War II, 852 Medals of Honor have been awarded, 526 posthumously. In total, 615 had their Medals presented posthumously.

~ What is Myositis?
It is a collection of rare neuromuscular diseases also known as the idiopathic inflammatory myopathies. Myositis refers to any condition causing inflammation in muscles. Weakness, swelling, and pain are the most common myositis symptoms. Myositis causes include infection, injury, autoimmune conditions, and drug side effects. Treatment of myositis varies according to the cause.

~Are snails lazy? 
Nobody would describe as “vigorous.” Snails sleep a lot. In addition to several months of winter hibernation, they crawl into their shells to get out of the hot sun, which dries them, or heavy rain, which waterlogs them. Desert snails may even doze for three or four years.

~ Where does a quarter horse get its name? 
A quarter horse gets its name from its speed in running the quarter-mile. Some Quarter horses have been clocked at speeds up to 55 mph. This is one of the oldest breeds of horses in the United States.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. – Vince Lombardi

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