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September 23rd

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. – Patricia Neal


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 23rd

266th day of the year (267th in leap years) with 99 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Checkers Day (also known as Dogs in Politics Day)
~ National Great American Pot Pie Day
~ National Snack Stick Day
~ Restless Legs Awareness Day
~ Teal Talk Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1800 William H McGuffey, Washington Co., Pennsylvania, professor / educator (McGuffey Readers, one of first and most widely used textbooks in U.S.)
  • 1838 Victoria Woodhull, Homer, Ohio, journalist and women’s rights advocate
  • 1852 William Stewart Halsted, New York City, surgeon (emphasized hygiene, early champion of newly discovered anesthetics, introduced several new surgical procedures (patient’s chart, wearing surgical gloves, etc.))
  • 1863 Mary Eliza Church Terrell, Memphis, Tennessee, author (led several important associations; helped to work for civil rights and suffrage)
  • 1910 Elliott Roosevelt, New York City, son of FDR/Air Force officer, author (Murder in the Oval Office)
  • 1930 Ray Charles, Albany, Georgia, singer/pianist (Georgia)
  • 1943 Julio Iglesias, Spain, singer (Of All the Girls I Loved Before)
  • 1944 Loren J. Shriver, Jefferson, Iowa, Col USAF/astronaut (STS 51-C, STS 31, STS 46)
  • 1949 Bruce Springsteen, [Boss], Long Branch, New Jersey, rock musician (Born in the USA)
  • 1959 Jason Alexander, [Greenspan], Newark, New Jersey, actor (George on Seinfeld, Bye Bye Birdie, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, The Grainder, TripTank)
  • 1978 Keri Lynn Pratt, Concord, New Hampshire, actress (Drive Me Crazy, Jack and Bobby, The Originals: Awakening)
  • 1984 Anneliese van der Pol, Dutch-American actress (That’s So Raven, Vampires Suck, Cats Dancing on Jupiter)

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“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”- Maurice Switzer
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1642 First commencement exercises occur at Harvard College.
  • 1780 American Revolution: British Major John André is arrested as a spy by American soldiers exposing Benedict Arnold’s change of sides.
  • 1806 Lewis and Clark return to St. Louis after exploring the Pacific Northwest of the United States.
  • 1846 Neptune is discovered by French astronomer Urbain Jean Joseph Le Verrier and British astronomer John Couch Adams; the discovery is verified by German astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle.
  • 1879 Richard Rhodes invented a hearing aid called the Audiophone.
  • 1922 In Washington D. C., Charles Evans Hughes signs the Hughes-Peynado agreement, that ends the occupation of Dominican Republic by the United States.
  • 1942 Auschwitz begins experimental gassing executions
  • 1969 The Chicago Eight trial opens in Chicago.
  • 1986 Jim Deshaies of the Houston Astros sets the major-league record by striking out the first eight batters of the game against the Los Angeles Dodgers.
  • 1986 U.S. Congress selects the rose as US national flower.
  • 2002 The first public version of the web browser Mozilla Firefox (“Phoenix 0.1″) is released.

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Two lawyers are talking. One says, “Where do you think I lost the case?”

“I think it might have been when you asked to speak privately with the judge in “the pompous little martinet’s chambers.”
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An English teacher wrote this phrase on the board and asked her students to properly punctuate it:
“Woman without her man is nothing.”

MEN WROTE: Woman, without her man, is nothing.
WOMEN WROTE: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.
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I had stopped by to bring my girlfriend pizza while she was babysitting. She received a call that her grandmother
had been taken ill, and I agreed to watch the children so she could go and meet her family at the hospital.

The kids’ parents were at a movie and these were the days before cell phones, so I couldn’t get in touch with them. I thought I was doing pretty well, though. At bedtime I sent the kids upstairs to bed and settled down to watch TV.

One child kept creeping down the stairs, but I just kept sending him back to bed.

At 9 pm the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, asking whether her son was there.

I said, “No.”

Just then a little head appeared over the banister and shouted, “I’m here, Mom, but he won’t let me go home!”
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ONE-LINERS: Signs that your cat is hanging around with the wrong crowd:

~ Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for “9-Lives.”
~ One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.
~ You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: “Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you’ll never see Spot again.”

~ You come home to catch him in the act of raiding your liquor cabinet.
~ Several hundred dollars’ worth of phone calls appear on your phone bill to “1-900-PUSSYCAT-MEOW.”
~ Too many times a week your cat comes home after one in the morning, totally plastered and with a strong odor of catnip about him.

~ You find out that the lifetime supply of cat food wasn’t a prize from “Kitten’s Life” magazine, but that your cat has been selling drugs in the ‘hood.
~ After failing to get your attention with constant meows and by rubbing up against your leg, your cat pulls out his Magnum-44 and aims it at you, demanding Friskies and catnip.
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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”
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Two airhead men were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first man says to the other, ‘If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.’

After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.

The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do. The man answers, ‘Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.’
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Do you know your old cartoons? Is this Chip or Dale?

Chipmunk on log
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Children’s Essays on the Bible

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one,’ but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. I’m not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
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Musical Hits of the 60’s Updated
Some of the artists of the ’60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:

* The Bee Gees – How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
* Bobby Darin – Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash
* Herman’s Hermits – Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker

* Johnny Nash – I Can’t See Clearly Now
* Ringo Starr – I Get By With a Little Help from Depends
* Roberta Flack – The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

* Procol Harem – A Whiter Shade of Hair
* Paul Simon – Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
* Commodores – Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

* Leo Sayer -You Make Me Feel Like Napping
* The Temptations – Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone
* Tony Orlando – Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if you Hear Me Fall

* Helen Reddy – I am Woman, Hear me Snore
* Leslie Gore – It’s My Procedure and I’ll Cry if I Want To
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I was throwing knives at my wife’s photo while she was out of town. But I’m a lousy shot and none of the knives hit its target.

Then my wife called up. She said, “Honey, what are you doing?”

I replied truthfully, “Missing you.”

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Around the office, many people are declaring themselves “lucky in love,” having received dozens of unsolicited emails carrying the virus with “love” in the subject header.

Others complain they aren’t being “loved enough,” having received none at all.

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A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”

“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”

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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!”

“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?”
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A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

“Due to lack of activity,” he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”

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A new arrival about to enter hospital saw two white-coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

“Excuse me,” he said, “have you lost something?”

“No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a suitable rock.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How large can a painting be? The largest painting measures 92,419 square feet and was completed by ID Cultur in Amsterdam, Netherlands on August 14, 1996.

~ Do buffaloes have wings? Buffalo chicken wings were so named for their city of origin in New York state, where they were created at The Anchor Bar.

~ Would you eat or sing a zarzuela? Both — A zarzuela is an operetta of a traditional type, with spoken dialogue and lyrical music. The word is derived from the Spanish after La Zarzuela, the royal palace near Madrid where the operetta was first performed in 1629. A zarzuela is also the name of a seafood stew.

~ What is Teal Talk Day? It’s a day to spread awareness about ovarian cancer. Over 249,000 women are diagnosed annually. There is no standard screening for ovarian cancer. In the absence of a test, awareness is best. Early detection improves survival rates by 90%. Symptoms include persistent bloating, lack of energy, loss of appetite, and feeling fuller sooner. Find more signs at Ovarcome.org.

~ What is National Checkers Day about? This day recognizes political pooches or candidate canines, First Fidos, or Revolutionary Rovers. More dogs than presidents have lived in the White House. While this day marks the day in history that Checkers the dog stole the spotlight, many other powerful pooches found their way to center stage.

~ Who was Checkers? On September 23, 1952, Vice President candidate, Richard Nixon, gave a speech that was called the “Checkers Speech.” Accused of improprieties relating to a fund established to reimburse him for his political expenses, Nixon needed to defend himself. He delivered a half-hour television address. During the speech, Nixon stated that regardless of what anyone said, he intended to keep one gift. The gift was a black-and-white dog the Nixon children had named “Checkers,” thus giving the speech its famous name. Thanks to Checkers, Nixon made the ticket, and we celebrate Dogs in Politics Day or better known as National Checkers Day.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” – Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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