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September 24th

Your choices of action may be limited, but your choices of thought are not. – Abraham ­Hicks


267th day of the year (268th in leap years) with 98 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Festival of Latest Novelties
~ Gallbladder Good Health Day
~ Lash Stylists Day
~ National Bluebird of Happiness Day
~ National Cherries Jubilee Day
~ National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day
~ National Horchata Day
~ National Punctuation Day
~ Schwenkfelder Thanksgiving


  • 1883 Franklin Clarence Mars, Hancock, Minnesota, businessman (founded Mars, Incorporated, maker of M&M’s and other chocolates)
  • 1896 F. Scott Fitzgerald, St. Paul, Minnesota, author (The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night)
  • 1930 John Young, San Francisco, California, retired NASA astronaut (9th person to walk on moon, 6 spaceflights (Gemini 3, Gemini 10, Apollo 10, Apollo 16, STS-1, STS-9), handled 4 different classes of spacecraft: Gemini, Apollo Command, Apollo Lunar Module, Space Shuttle)
  • 1936 Jim Henson, Greenville, Mississippi, puppeteer (The Muppets, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Dark Crystal, Labyrinth)
  • 1945 Lou Dobbs, Childress, Texas, journalist & author (War on the Middle Class: How the Government, Big Business, and Special Interest Groups Are Waging War on the American Dream and How to Fight Back)
  • 1946 Charles “Mean Joe” Greene, Temple, Texas, football defensive tacker for Pittsburgh Steelers (considered one of the greatest defensive linemen)
  • 1958 Kevin Sorbo, Mound, Minnesota, actor (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Andromeda, Kull the Conqueror, God’s Not Dead)
  • 1958 Steve Whitmire, Atlanta, Georgia, puppeteer (Kermit the Frog, Ernie, etc.)
  • 1965 Robert Irvine, Salisbury, England, celebrity chef (Dinner: Impossible, Worst Cooks in America, Restaurant Impossible)
  • 1969 Megan Ward, Los Angeles, California, actress (Freaked, Party of Five, Dark Skies, Boomtown, The Invited, General Hospital)
  • 1971 Mike Michalowicz, Boonton, New Jersey, entrepreneur and author (small business columnist for The Wall Street Journal, The Pumpkin Plan, The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur)
  • 1979 Justin Bruening, Chadron, Nebraska, actor (All My Children, Knight Rider, Ringer, Ravenswood)

“Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” – William Shakespeare
in other words….
True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.


  • 1789 The United States Congress passes the Judiciary Act which creates the office of the United States Attorney General and the federal judiciary system, and orders the composition of the Supreme Court of the United States.
  • 1929 Aviator James Doolittle demonstrated the first blind takeoff and landing, using only instruments to guide his aircraft.
  • 1948 The Honda Motor Company is founded.
  • 1962 United States court of appeals orders the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith.
  • 1968 60 Minutes debuts on CBS.
  • 1979 Compu-Serve launches the first consumer internet service, which features the first public electronic mail service.
  • 1852 The first airship powered by (a steam) engine, created by Henri Giffard, travels 17 miles (27 km) from Paris to Trappes.
  • 2008 The Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago is topped off at 1,389 feet (423 m), at the time becoming the world’s highest residence above ground-level.
  • 2009 The G20 summit begins in Pittsburgh with 30 global leaders in attendance. It marks the first use of LRAD in U.S. history.
  • 2014 As part of the Mars Orbiter Mission (MOM) the Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) successfully inserted a probe, named Mangalyaan (Sanskrit for “Mars Craft”), into orbit around Mars. This was the end of a 10-month space journey that began with the spacecraft’s launch on November 5, 2013.


One day four priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and went to a golf course.
After several horrible shots, their caddy asked, “Are you guys priests?”

“Actually, yes,” one cleric replied. “Why?”
“Because,” said the caddy, “I’ve never seen such bad golf and such clean language.”

I don’t think my postman likes me.
I sent away a film to be developed and on the envelope it was printed – PHOTOGRAPHS DO NOT BEND.
He folded the envelope in half and wrote on the outside, “Oh yes they do.”

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong sermon on the devil.
One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”
The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out, it’s probably just your dad.”

ONE-LINERS: Things to Say to Ruin a Date
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date…

~ I used to come here all the time with my ex.
~ I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.
~ I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

~ It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.
~ Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
~ I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”
“Come on, God, give me a break! Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either.”

A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up.

“Our underwriting department determines that”, I said. Then I asked for her license number. Verifying her information, I asked, “NMF? Is that N as in Nancy, M as in Mary, and F as in Frank?”

“Well… yes,” she said. “But could you please tell your underwriters that it’s also N as in Not, M as in My, and F as in fault?”

PIC OF THE DAY: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
cat on top of building

Q. What’s the difference between a King’s son, a monkey’s mother, a bald head, and an orphan?

A. One’s an heir apparent, the next is a hairy parent, the next has no hair apparent, and the last has nary a parent.

North vs. South

The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.


Teacher to geometry class: “A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon and five-sided polygons are called pentagons.”
A student asks, “What about two sided polygons?”

“They don’t exist.”
“Well, they should. Then we could let bi-gons be bi-gons.”

When the gooberette had finished the English portion of the SAT, she removed her glasses and started the math questions.
“Why aren’t you wearing your glasses?” she was asked.
She responded, “My glasses are for reading, not math.”

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with “Amen” or “That’s right, preacher” he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.
Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with “Amen, Pharaoh!” The guest minister wasn’t sure what that meant, but after several more “Amen, Pharaohs” he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.

After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, “What exactly did you mean when you said “Amen, Pharaoh?”
His host replied, “I was telling you to let my people go!”

A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim.
“It takes considerable time and technique.” replied the guard. “First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly…”

“This is certainly most helpful.” said the member. “I know that my kid sister will appreciate it.”
“Your sister?” said the lifeguard. “In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She’ll learn in a hurry.”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which beer is oldest?
The familiar red triangle of Bass Brewery (Bass Ale) is actually one of the world’s oldest trademarks, registered in 1875. The triangle continues to be used to this day. However The oldest brewery still in operation is located in Germany (where else?). The Weihenstephan Abbey has been producing beer for more than 1,000 years – it was founded in 1040. It still operates today, though it is no longer a functioning abbey.

~ What is Schwenkfelder’s Thanksgiving?
In 1733, a handful of Schwenkfelder’s followers arrived in Philadelphia. A second group came from Germany on September 22, 1734. They swore their allegiance to the British king; then they spent September 24 expressing their thankfulness to God for having delivered them from persecution. This Thanksgiving event is the oldest continuously observed Thanksgiving event in the United States. The traditional Thanksgiving celebrated at the end of November didn’t get its start until the end of the Civil War.

~ What is the Festival of Latest Novelties about?
This day is to honour all the newest, crazy, zany, unique products out on the market! The giving of novelty gifts goes as far back as the 1500s. It started with a French mathematician and astronomer named Pierre Hérigone (1580-1643) who described an unusual goblet that featured a 45-degree angle mirror with a stylized opening for the lens, a cup made of glass where images could be seen, and a lid bearing a magnifying lens at the top! In effect, a person could spy on others while taking a drink.

~ What are some other well known novelty items?
Over the following centuries, famous novelty items would include the Big Mouth Billy Bass, bobbleheads, Groucho glasses, and X-Ray Specs — too many to name them all!

~ What is National Familial Hypercholesterolemia Day about?
Familial hypercholesterolemia (FH) is a common life-threatening genetic condition that causes high cholesterol. Untreated, FH leads to early heart attacks and heart disease.

~ What is Familial Hypercholesterolemia?
FH is inherited and passed down through families. People with FH have a high amount of low density lipoprotein (LDL) or “bad cholesterol” due to a mutation in one of the genes that controls the way cholesterol is cleared by the body. As a result, cholesterol accumulates in the bloodstream and can ultimately build up in the walls of the arteries. Cholesterol build up in the artery wall is called hardening of the arteries, or atherosclerosis, and can lead to problems such as heart attacks and strokes in young adults and even children.

~ What is a horchata?
It’s a traditional Mexican drink made up of white rice soaked in water, it’s flavored with cinnamon and its sweetened with granulated sugar.

~ When did quarters become deadly?
In 1986, a guard in an armored car was killed when $50,000 worth of quarters fell on him.

~ How often do groundhogs come up for air?
Not very often — Groundhogs are “fossorial” in that they live most of their lives underground. They dig burrows or “dens” that have several entrances. Each is connected with the main tunnel and the nesting chamber where the animal hibernates for the winter. A groundhog’s whiskers help it navigate underground.

QUIP OF THE DAY: Insanity runs in some families; in others it positively gallops.


Thought for the day. . . “To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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