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September 26th

“The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.” – James Truslow Adams


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 26th

269th day of the year (270th in leap years) with 96 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Johnny Appleseed Day
~ National Good Neighbor Day
~ National Pancake Day
~ European Day of Languages (European Union)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1774 John Chapman [Johnny Appleseed], Leominster, Massachusetts, frontier nurseryman
  • 1888 T.S. Eliot, St Louis, Missouri, poet/dramatist/critic (Waste Land / Nobel 1948)
  • 1898 George Gershwin, Brooklyn, New York, composer (Rhapsody in Blue, Porgy and Bess)
  • 1909 Bill France, Sr., Washington D.C., founder of NASCAR
  • 1914 Jack LaLanne, San Francisco, California, exercise mogul (Father of Fitness)
  • 1925 Marty Robbins, Glendale, Arizona, country-western singer (Cool Water, Ballad of the Alamo)
  • 1928 Adam West, Walla Walla, Washington, actor (Batman TV series , The Fairly OddParents, Family Guy)
  • 1940 Paul Williams, Omaha, Nebraska, composer (Three Dog Night’s “An Old Fashioned Love Song”, Helen Reddy’s “You and Me Against the World”, and the Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun” and “Rainy Days and Mondays )
  • 1947 Lynn Anderson, Grand Forks, North Dakota, country singer (I Never Promised you a Rose Garden)
  • 1948 Olivia Newton-John, English born Australian, singer / actress (I Honestly Love You, Physical / Grease)
  • 1956 Linda Hamilton, Salisbury, Maryland, actress (Sarah Conner / Terminator; Beauty & the Beast, Dante’s Peak, Chuck, Defiance)
  • 1962 Melissa Sue Anderson, Berkeley, California, actress (Mary Ingalls / Little House on the Prairie, Which Mother is Mine?, 10.5 Apocalypse)
  • 1964 Trisha Yearwood, Monticello, Georgia, singer (She’s in Love with the Boy )
  • 1981 Serena Williams, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, tennis player (ranked World #1 eight times)

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The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~ Scott Hamilton
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1820 Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson proved tomatoes weren’t poisonous by eating several on the steps of the courthouse in Salem, New Jersey.
  • 1914 The US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is established by the Federal Trade Commission Act.
  • 1934 British liner Queen Mary is launched.
  • 1960 In Chicago, the first televised debate takes place between presidential candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy.
  • 1960 Fidel Castro announces Cuba’s support for the U.S.S.R.
  • 1962 TV comedy series “The Beverly Hillbillies” premiers on CBS.
  • 1969 Abbey Road, the last recorded album by The Beatles, is released.
  • 1973 Concorde makes its first non-stop crossing of the Atlantic in record-breaking time.
  • 1984 Britain & China initial agreement to return Hong Kong to China in 1997 .
  • 2008 Swiss pilot and inventor Yves Rossy becomes first person to fly a jet engine-powered wing across the English Channel.

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The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girl friend’s father, “Son, can you support a family?”
“Well, no, sir,” he replied. “I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you have to fend for yourselves.”
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The old Sioux chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.
“Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems.”
The chief nodded. The official continued, “Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?”

The chief stared at the government officials and continued smoking his pipe for over a minute, and then calmly replied: “When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. No house payments. No Daycare. Plenty buffalo. Women did all the cooking. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”
The chief smiled, and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that.
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ONE-LINERS: Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings
The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you.

~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
~ WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read: “You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor.”
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Standing in line at the grocery-store checkout, I was pleased to hear a snippet of classical music. But the store’s sound system didn’t seem to be working properly, as the music would begin to play, then stop quickly then start again from the beginning.
Turning to the woman standing behind me in line, I commented, “I hope the store will get their sound fixed so we can enjoy the nice music.

As the music started up again I smiled at the lady and said, “There it is again! Isn’t it lovely?”
“Uhhhh … Your cellphone is ringing.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

“All the acting classes are filled! I couldn’t even get into Mime class!
“Why not?”
“How should I know? You can’t get a word out of those people.”
—–
The cannibal returned home from college with the school’s leading track star.
His mother chided him, “I’ve told you before, never bring home fast food!”
—–
I met a man who was slicing goose feathers and stuffing them into a pillow.
“Would you like a cigarette?” I offered.
He answered, “No thanks, I’m trying to cut down.”
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Picture of the Day: Baobab Tree
baobab tree
Grandidier’s Baobab, picture taken near Morondava, Madagascar by Bernard Gagnon
Baobabs grow in seasonally arid areas, and are deciduous, shedding their leaves during the dry season. Across Africa, the oldest and largest baobabs began to die in the early 21st century, likely from a combination of drought and rising temperatures. The trees appear to become parched, then become dehydrated and unable to support their massive trunks
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In teaching my church’s version of Sunday school, which consists of 12 very energetic boys, I hear some crazy things. Sometimes learning about God is not as easy as you think!

One day, I asked the boys, “Can anyone tell me what Advent is?” One student raised his hand and said, “Well, it’s like Tylenol, and your mom would give it to you for a fever.”

Another time, one of my students walked up to our priest and said, “We are working hard in CCD; learning all about Lint.” Ahh…that would be Lent.
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A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 65 year old lady from out of state. The officer asked to see her license. ‘Don’t have one’ Enid said.
‘Can I please see the Vehicle registration’ the officer asked firmly but politely. ‘Nope’ snapped Enid.

In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there. When they arrived they arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no license and no vehicle registration.
‘Sure I do’ said Enid sweetly. ‘This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding.’
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Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.
Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.
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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.

Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us from e-mail. Amen.”
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The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.
To her credit, Nancy finally said, “Look. I’ll tell you what. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I was right.”
“Fine.” I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, “I’m wrong.”
I grinned and replied, “You’re right.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which tree is most likely to withstand a drought? The most drought resistant tree is the baobab tree. It stores 35,900 gallons of water in its trunk for later use.

~ How do trees help the greenhouse effect? Trees remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere during photosynthesis to form carbohydrates that are used in plant structure/function. They return oxygen back into the atmosphere as a byproduct. A tree can absorb as much as 48 pounds of carbon dioxide each year and can sequester 1 ton of carbon dioxide by the time it reaches 40 years old. Since roughly half of the greenhouse effect is caused by CO2, trees can help prevent the problem. Unfortunately, large swathes of trees are continually being cut down for agricultural needs and housing.

~ Where did we get the expression “knock on wood”? This phrase comes from a time when primitive pagans used to tap or knock on trees to summon the protective spirits that resided in them.

~ Where is Bat World? The national headquarters for Bat World Sanctuary is located at Mineral Wells, Texas. More than 150 bats from around the world have found permanent refuge in this indoor, natural habitat facility. These non-releasable bats include those that have been used in research, orphaned, permanently injured, or confiscated from the illegal pet trade. Bat World is a sanctuary as well as an educational center. The bats that participate in tours are only those that are not stressed while being viewed. During tours, bats can be seen close up, flying in simulated natural-habitat flight cages, and just “hanging out.” Touching the bats is not permitted, but cameras are welcome. Actually, many of the bats are naturally curious and willing to be photographed.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Never judge a book by its movie. – JW Eagan

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair. – Samuel Johnson

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