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September 27th

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion. – Abraham Lincoln


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 27th

270th day of the year (271st in leap years) with 95 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:

~ Ancestor Appreciation Day
~ Crush a Can Day
~ National Chocolate Milk Day
~ National Corned Beef Hash Day
~ World Tourism Day
~ National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1722 Samuel Adams, Boston, Massachusetts, political philosopher ( one of the Founding Fathers of U.S.)
  • 1840 Thomas Nast, German born political cartoonist in US
  • 1885 Harry Blackstone, Sr., Michigan, magician (The Great Blackstone )
  • 1913 Albert Ellis, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, psychologist (developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT))
  • 1920 William Conrad, Louisville, Kentucky, actor (Bullwinkle Show, Cannon, Nero Wolfe, Jake and the Fatman)
  • 1934 Wilford Brimley, Salt Lake City, Utah, actor (Gus: Our House; Cocoon)
  • 1947 Liz Torres, Bronx, New York City, actress and singer (Ally McBeal. The Nanny)
  • 1958 Shaun Cassidy, Los Angeles, California, singer (Da Doo Ron Ron)
  • 1970 Tamara Taylor, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, American actress (Bones, Reluctant Nanny)
  • 1972 Gwyneth Paltrow, Los Angeles, California, actress (Shakespeare in Love, Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow, Iron Man, Mortdecai)
  • 1976 Matt Harding, American video game developer/Dancing Matt (video show him dancing in front of landmarks & street scenes in various international locations)

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Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1590 Pope Urban VII dies 13 days after being chosen as the Pope, making his reign the shortest papacy in history.
  • 1777 Lancaster, Pennsylvania is the capital of the United States, for one day.
  • 1854 The steamship SS Arctic sinks with 300 people on board. This marks the first great disaster in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • 1905 The physics journal Annalen der Physik published Albert Einstein’s paper “Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?”, introducing the equation E=mc².
  • 1930 Bobby Jones wins the U.S. Amateur Championship to complete the Grand Slam of golf. The old structure of the grand slam was the U.S. Open, British Open, U.S. Amateur, and British Amateur.
  • 1954 The nationwide debut of Tonight! (The Tonight Show) hosted by Steve Allen on NBC.
  • 1964 The Warren Commission releases its report, concluding that Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, assassinated President John F. Kennedy.
  • 1968 The stage musical Hair opened at the Shaftesbury Theatre in London, where it played 1,998 performances until its closure was forced by the roof’s collapsing in July 1973.
  • 1979 The United States Department of Education receives final approval from the U.S. Congress to become the 13th US Cabinet agency.
  • 1997 Communications are suddenly lost with the Mars Pathfinder space probe.
  • 1998 Google is founded.
  • 2008 CNSA astronaut Zhai Zhigang becomes the first Chinese person to perform a spacewalk while flying on Shenzhou 7.

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. But little Johnny, who always does things HIS way, colored the duck a bright fire-red.

After seeing this, the teacher asked him: “Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?”
Young Johnny replied with “The same number of times I’ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.”
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Tech: “Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?”
User: (describes problem)

Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)
User: “Sorry, I don’t understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”

Tech: “Okay: ‘Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?’ ”
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ONE-LINERS: Science by Kids

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.
~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
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IF WEBSITES HAD WARNING LABELS. . .

~ YOUTUBE: “Warning! Contents may be stupid.”
~ GOOGLE: “Warning! You may actually find more than what you’re looking for.”
~ FACEBOOK: “Age, gender and attractiveness of members may differ from what is actually posted.”

~ BLOGS: “May cause drowsiness.”
~ MICROSOFT: “Warning! Bill Gates isn’t ever going to share his money with you.”
~ ITUNES: “Be alert for falling album sales and shifting music industry paradigms.”
~ WIKIPEDIA: “Warning label does not exist. Would you like to create warning label?”
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The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.
“Does the hole go all the way through?” “Yes.”

“Did it hurt?” “Just a little.”
“Did they stick a needle through your ears?” “No, they used a special gun.”
Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, “How far away did they stand?”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Dough Boy Dies

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew he was kneaded”.
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
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I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for
myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo.
“Leave some ID, a driver’s license or a credit card,” she said.

“But my husband is here getting a haircut,” I explained.
“Yes,” she replied. “But I need something you’ll come back for.”
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I went to my doctor for a checkup the other day. The nurse asked me, “How much do you weigh?”
I said, “One-fifty.” She put me on the scale and wrote 187 in my record. Then she asked, “Your height?”

“Five-ten.” She measured me and wrote down 5′ 7-1/2″. Then she took my blood pressure.
“Your blood pressure is very high.”

“Of course it’s high! When I came in here I was tall and slim. Now I’m short and fat!”
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A Marine private was filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course.
He got to this question: “How long has your present employer been in business?”
He thought for a moment, then wrote: “Since 1775.”
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On my daughter’s fifth birthday, I told her that when somebody asks her how old she is, she cab simply spread out her hand and say “Five.”
“Oh,” she replied, “so now I’m a handful?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Was there a time when potatoes were bad for you? When potatoes first appeared in Europe in the 17th century, it was thought that they were disgusting and were blamed for starting outbreaks of leprosy and syphilis. As late as 1720 in America, eating potatoes was believed to shorten a person’s life.

~ Are all palm leaves made the same? The leaves of palm trees vary greatly in size. The largest are the talipot palm with fan-shaped leaves that may be 15 feet (4.6 m) wide, and the raffia palm whose leaves may be 65 feet (20 m) long and 8 feet (2.47 m) wide.

~ Are birds getting louder? Apparently, humans make so much noise that other species, such as birds, have stepped up THEIR noise level just to be heard. Recent research, for instance, suggests that nightingales living near urban areas have increased the sound levels of their mating calls by as much as 14 decibels.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If it wasn’t for electricity we’d have to watch TV by candlelight.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Every wrong seems possible today, and is accepted. I don’t accept it. – Pablo Casals

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