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September 4th

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us – Alexander Graham Bell


TODAY – SEPTEMBER 4th

247th day of the year (248th in leap years) with 118 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Macadamia Nut Day
~ National Newspaper Carrier Day
~ National Wildlife Day
~ Better Breakfast Month
~ National Chicken Month
~ Self Improvement Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1918 Paul Harvey, Tulsa, Oklahoma, broadcaster (Rest of the Story)
  • 1927 John McCarthy, Boston, Massachusetts, computer scientist (invented term AI (artificial intelligence), Lisp programming)
  • 1928 Dick York, Fort Wayne, Indiana, actor (Darrin on Bewitched, Inherit the Wind, Going My Way)
  • 1931 Mitzi Gaynor, Chicago, Illinois, actress /singer / dancer (There’s No Business Like Show Business, Les Girls, Anything Goes, South Pacific)
  • 1951 Judith Ivy, El Paso, Texas, actress & director (Designing Women, Miles from Home, The Woman in Red, The Devil’s Advocate, Flags of Our Fathers, White Collar)
  • 1957 Patricia Tallman, Pontiac, Illinois, actress / stuntwoman (Jurassic Park, Babylon 5, InAlienable, Dead Air, Atlas Shrugged: Part II)
  • 1969 Kristen Wilson, Chelmsford, Massachusetts, actress (West Side Story, Dr. Dolittle, The District)
  • 1969 Noah Taylor, British-born Australian actor (Shine, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Vanilla Sky, Max)
  • 1975 Kai Owen, Welsh actor (Rocket Man, Torchwood, Hollyoaks)
  • 1978 Wes Bentley, Jonesboro, Arkansas, actor (American Beauty, Ghost Rider, There Be Dragons, The Hunger Games)
  • 1981 Beyoncé Knowles, Houston, Texas, singer and actress (Destiny’s Child)
  • 1982 Whitney Cummings, Washington, D.C., comedian and actress (2 Broke Girls )

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You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it – Albert Einstein.
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1781 Los Angeles, California, is founded as El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora La Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula (The Village of Our Lady, the Queen of the Angels of Porziuncola) by 44 Spanish settlers.
  • 1888 George Eastman registers the trademark Kodak and receives a patent for his camera that uses roll film.
  • 1923 Maiden flight of the USS Shenandoah, the first U.S. airship.
  • 1950 Darlington Raceway is the site of the inaugural Southern 500, the first 500-mile NASCAR race.
  • 1951 The first live transcontinental television broadcast takes place in San Francisco, California, from the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference.
  • 1972 Mark Spitz becomes the first competitor to win seven medals at a single Olympic Games.
  • 1977 The Golden Dragon Massacre took place in San Francisco, California.
  • 1985 The discovery of Buckminsterfullerene, the first fullerene molecule of carbon.
  • 1989 In Leipzig, East Germany, the first of weekly demonstration for the legalization of opposition groups and democratic reforms takes place.
  • 1998 Google is founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin, two students at Stanford University.

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This is why we trail so many countries in math…I was sitting in a cafeteria recently, next to a woman who was engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared: “12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed.” She shook her head at the sad news.

Then, turning to me, asked, “How many is a Brazilian?”
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My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.
One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.

One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, “Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us.”
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, “Honey, it’s for you….someone wants to talk to you about your relatives.”
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QUOTES For the Football Season

~ “If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password: “Roll, tide, roll!” (Bear Bryant / Alabama)

~ “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” (Frank Leahy / Notre Dame)

~ “There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.” (Woody Hayes / Ohio State)

~ “I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.” (Bob Devaney / Nebraska)

~ “In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.” (Wally Butts / Georgia)

~ “It’s not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference.” (Bear Bryant / Alabama)
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A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.

The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man’s milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”

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A newly appointed cryptographer attends a lunch meeting with his peers, who are going around a circle telling jokes.

One of the cryptographers shouts “12”, and everyone starts laughing.

Another person shouts “34”, which is received with more laughter.

The new cryptographer asks one of the people “why is everyone laughing?” to which he responds “instead of taking the time to tell the whole joke, we just assign each joke a number and instead say that number”.

When it’s the new cryptographers turn, he says “-22”, to which everyone bursts in laughter.

One of them shouts, “I haven’t heard that one before!”

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Football & Bear Bryant

“Bear” Bryant’s Three Rules for coaching:
1) Surround yourself with people who can’t live without football.
2) Recognize winners. They come In all forms.
3) Have a plan for everything.”
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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”

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A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

~ The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
~ The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
~ The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.

~ The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, “What did your mother say about the glass?”
~ The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
~ The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?

~ The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.
~ The SEASONED DRINKER would say that the glass doesn’t have enough ice in it.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ I eagerly await any chance I get to see landslides. I’ve always loved the Rolling Stones.

~ If you receive an e-mail from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because it may be infected with swine flu, ignore it. It’s just Spam.

~ Recovering Alcoholic: A drunk who works at an upholstery shop.

~ I just hired an Eastern European cleaning woman. It took her five hours to vacuum the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. “What’s this place called?” he asked the station attendant.

“All depends,” the native drawled. “Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that’s merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell?”

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Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.
“Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.”

“Okay, you first,” replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
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A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”
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Customer: “Excuse me, but are you looking to hire any help at present?”
Manager: “No, we already have all the staff we need.”

Customer: “Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?”
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A woman was having a medical problem – her husband’s snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her “suffering.”

“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.”

“My goodness!” the woman exclaimed, “it sounds like leasing a new sports car!”
“Hmmmmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Is it true that reading causes nearsightedness? New research does indeed suggest that the large increase in myopia (nearsightedness) is due to how kids spend their time. Kids who spend large amounts of time focusing on nearby objects, like books, computer screens, and television, are much more likely to be myopic. This doesn’t mean that genetics is not a major factor as well, though. Kids who spend more time outdoors, playing sports, are less likely to be myopic.

~ How long have dragons been hoarding treasure? One seeming constant about dragons is that they love to horde treasure. This tale seems to have started with the tale of Sigurd, the dwarf Regin, and the Dragon Fafnir. Fafnir and Sigurd were brothers, but Fafnir was filled with greed and killed their father to gain his fortune. On doing so, however, Fafnir was transformed into a mighty dragon and doomed to forever guard his ill-begotten treasure. Wishing to rid the scourge of the beast and regain his father’s wealth, Sigurd took his father’s sword and with the help of his companion, the dwarf Regin, they devised a plan to slay the dragon.

~ How much wine does Ohio produce? In the 1850s, Ohio was the nation’s largest wine producer. Although its remaining 3,000 acres of vineyards are but a fraction of what they once were, Ohio remains the largest wine producer in the Midwest.

~ What is earthshine?
When the crescent Moon appears in evening twilight, The dark portion of the Moon (the area unlit by the Sun) seems to glow. This phenomenon is aptly called earthshine. The Sun’s light rays are reflecting off Earth’s surface and back onto the Moon! It gives the dark, unlit portion of the Moon an eerie radiance.

~ What causes earthshine?
Since 38 percent of the sunlight that strikes Earth bounces back into space, some of this earthlight shines on the lunar surface. About 10 percent of that light bounces off the moon’s surface (which is not very reflective) to create the visible glow (earthshine) on the Moon’s dark side.

~ When is earthshine brightest?
The thinnest Moon crescents (both waxing and waning) display the brightest earthshine. It is most apparent one to five days before and after a New Moon when you’ll see a thin crescent Moon in the night sky.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A pessimist is a person who looks both way before crossing a one-way street.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it. Never quit.” – Bear Bryant

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