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September 5th

The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty really are in ourselves – Kahlil Gibran.

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 5th

248th day of the year (249th in leap years) with 117 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Be Late for Something Day
~ International Day of Charity
~ National Cheese Pizza Day
~ Fall Hat Month
~ International Square Dancing Month
~ National Blueberry Popsicle Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1735 Johann Christian Bach, Germany, composer (son of Johann Sebastian Bach)
  • 1847 Jesse James, Kearney, Missouri, legendary outlaw of the Wild West (James-Younger Gang, bank & train robber)
  • 1873 Cornelius Vanderbilt III, New York City, New York, inventor, engineer, soldier
  • 1916 Frank Yerby, Augusta, Georgia, historical novelist (The Foxes of Harrow, The Golden Hawk, The Saracen Blade)
  • 1929 Bob Newhart, Oak Park, Illinois, actor and comedian (The Bob Newhart Show )
  • 1934 Carol Lawrence, Melrose Park, Illinois, actress and singer (West Side Story)
  • 1937 William Devane, Albany, New York, actor (Marathon Man, Knots Landing, From Here to Eternity, Jesse Stone movies, 24, The Dark Knight Rises, Interstellar, The Grinder)
  • 1940 Raquel Welch, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Fantastic Voyage, One Million Years B.C., The Three Musketeers, Legally Blonde)
  • 1951 Michael Keaton, Coraopolis, Pennsylvania, actor (Beetlejuice, Batman, Batman Returns, The Founder, American Assassin)
  • 1993 Gage Golightly, American actress (The Troop, Teen Wolf, Red Oaks, A Carol Christmas, 5 Days to Midnight)

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Be helpful. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours – Zig Ziglar
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1774 First Continental Congress assembles in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
  • 1836 Sam Houston is elected as the first president of the Republic of Texas.
  • 1882 The first United States Labor Day parade is held in New York City.
  • 1906 The first legal forward pass in American football is thrown by Bradbury Robinson of St. Louis University to teammate Jack Schneider in a 22–0 victory over Carroll College (Wisconsin).
  • 1927 The first Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoon, Trolley Troubles, produced by Walt Disney, is released by Universal Pictures.
  • 1960 The boxer Muhammad Ali (then Cassius Clay) is awarded the gold medal for his first place in the light heavyweight boxing competition at the Olympic Games in Rome.
  • 1975 In Sacramento, California, Lynette Fromme attempts to assassinate U.S. President Gerald Ford.
  • 1977 Voyager 1 is launched after a brief delay.
  • 1984 The Space Shuttle Discovery lands after its maiden voyage (STS-41-D).

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An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows.

The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you be if the gallows had its due?”

“Riding alone,” coolly replied Paddy.
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A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”
“No! There’s no one called Alf here,” says the person who answered the phone.
His father hangs up. “That’s irritation,” he says.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. “No-there’s no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police,” the person says.
His father hangs up and says, “That’s aggravation.”

“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.
“Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?” he asks casually.
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ONE-LINERS:

~ Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
~ The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

~ Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
~ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

~ If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
~ Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
~ Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
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A feisty 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor.

“Labor charges!” she exclaimed. “It took you five minutes.”

The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call.

“Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor,” the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, ‘And what starting salary were you looking for?’

The candidate said, ‘In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.’

The HR Person said, ‘Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a new company car leased every 2 years – starting with say, a red Corvette?’

The guy sat up straight and said, ‘Wow!!! Are you kidding?’

And the HR Person said, ‘Certainly…but you started it.’
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

My wife and I were flipping through TV channels the other night, and we settled for a while on one of those wildlife programs. This one was about the cheetah.

“You know why they’re endangered, don’t you?” I said.
She nodded. “It’s that old saying, ‘Cheetahs never prosper.'”
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
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Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”
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Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”
There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”
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Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success, so he decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against those of General Motors. The comparison went like this:

If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.

In response to all this goading, GM responds: “Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes twice a day?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How many insects are there in the world? There are 5 million different species of insects in the world. The insect population of the world is at least 1,000,000,000,000,000,000. The weight of the world’s insect population exceeds that of man by a factor of twelve.

~ How many wives did Brigham have? The Mormon leader Brigham Young had 27 wives.

~ How tiny are hummingbirds? Hummingbirds are the smallest birds – so tiny that one of their enemies is an insect, the praying mantis.

~ What is that loop on your belt called? The loop on a belt that holds the loose end is called a “keeper.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.” ― Paulo Coelho

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