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September 6th

We are all like one-winged angels. It is only when we help each other that we can fly. – Luciano de Crescenzo


249th day of the year (250th in leap years) with 116 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Fight Procrastination Day
~ Great Egg Toss Day
~ National Coffee Ice Cream Day
~ National Read a Book Day
~ National Cholesterol Education Month
~ National Food Safety Education Month
~ National Honey Month
~ National Whole Grains Month
~ Organic Harvest Month


  • 1811 James Melville Gilliss, Washington, D.C., U.S. Navy officer (founded Naval Observatory in Washington)
  • 1893 Claire Chennault, Commerce, Texas, pilot (aviation trainer and adviser in China; commanded the “Flying Tigers” during World War II)
  • 1908 Korczak Ziolkowski, Boston, Massachusetts, sculptor (designed the Crazy Horse Memorial in the Black Hills)
  • 1937 Jo Ann Worley, Lowell, Indiana, actress (Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, Match Game, The Wuzzles, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Wizards of Waverly Place, The Shaggy D.A., Wardrobe / Beauty and the Beast)
  • 1939 Dan Cragg, Rochester, New York, soldier, essayist, and science-fiction author (Starfist Saga series, The StarFirst: Force Recon Saga)
  • 1953 Anne Lockhart, New York City, New York, actress (A Dog’s Tale, Lieutenant Sheba / Battlestar Galactica, Chicago Fire)
  • 1955 Raymond Benson, Midland, Texas, author (James Bond novels: Tomorrow Never Dies, The World is Not Enough, Die Another Day)
  • 1958 Jeff Foxworthy, Hapeville, Georgia, comedian (Blue Collar Comedy Tour)
  • 1974 Justin Whalin, San Francisco, California, actor (Lois & Clark: The Adventures of Superman, Charles in Charge).
  • 1976 Naomie Melanie Harris, London, England, actress (The Tomorrow People, 28 Days Later, Pirates of the Caribbean, Spectre)

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean – Maya Angelou


  • 1522 The Victoria, the only surviving ship of Ferdinand Magellan’s expedition, returns to Sanlúcar de Barrameda in Spain, becoming the first ship to circumnavigate the world.
  • 1628 Puritans settle Salem, which will later become part of Massachusetts Bay Colony.
  • 1870 Louisa Ann Swain of Laramie, Wyoming becomes the first woman in the United States1807. to cast a vote legally after 1807.
  • 1901 Anarchist Leon Czolgosz shoots and fatally wounds US President William McKinley at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, New York.
  • 1992 Hunters discover the emaciated body of Christopher Johnson McCandless at his camp 20 miles west of the town of Healy, Alaska.
  • 1995 Cal Ripken Jr of the Baltimore Orioles plays in his 2,131st consecutive game, breaking a record that stood for 56 years.
  • 1997 Diana, Princess of Wales is laid to rest in front of a television audience of more than 2.5 billion.
  • 2014 Occupants of hundreds of homes advised to evacuate while crews battled a lightning-caused wildfire (the Meadow Fire) about 15 miles from Yosemite National Park in California. The fire eventually covered almost 5,000 acres.


On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they’d give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said,

“If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who’d like to volunteer, please step forward…”

Lawyer: “Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?”
Defendant: “I didn’t want to wake up the children.”

Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures?
His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him… so he wound up with buck teeth.

ONE-LINERS: Sports Funnies . . .

~ Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

~ Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’

~ Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

~ Oiler coach, Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Cost why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded, “Because she is too dang ugly to kiss good-bye!”

“You look tired.
“I am. I just finished 50 push-ups.”

“Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?”
“Well, I did the first one in 1988.”

Wife to husband: “Did you like supper?”
Trying to be polite, the husband says, “Yes.”
The wife says, “I was just wondering, because when I gave some to the dogs they tried to bury it.”

Pic of the Day: Honeybee on Leatherleaf Mahonia Blossoms
Honeybee on Leatherleaf Mahonia

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, “…And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”

One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said ‘Holy moley! A talking pig!'”

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25¢ each — three for a dollar.”

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!”

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistake on your sign?”

“What mistake?” the grocer asked. “Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”


~ Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
~ Velcro: what a rip off!
~ A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

~ Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
~ The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
~ What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

~ What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital and quickly taken in for emergency heart surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a sweet nun, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” the nun asked.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters. They are married to God!”
“Really?” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!”

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: “Do you know they are all out of step except you?”
“What?” asked the recruit innocently.

“I said — they are all out of step except you!” thundered the sergeant.
The recruit replied, “Well, sarge, you’re in charge — you tell them!”

This was developed as an intelligence test by a research and development department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can’t do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read aloud the THIRD word in each line from the top down to determine your intelligence.


Pilot to tower… pilot to tower… I am 300 miles from land… 600 feet over water… and running out of fuel… please instruct!

Tower to pilot… tower to pilot… repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven…”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: What does it mean to be ‘traduced?’ 
The verb “traduc” means to say untrue or malicious things about someone or something; if you have been “traduced,” you have been slandered or vilified.

~ Why is this date Great Egg Toss Day?
Because this date in 1981 is when Risto Antikainen threw a fresh egg 317 feet, 10 inches, to Jyrki Korhonen. The date celebrates the sport of egg tossing. The game supposedly originated around 1322 when an abbot in the Lincolnshire village in the UK, the only person who had chickens, encouraged church attendance by giving locals alms of one egg.

~ Who invented the baseball bat? 
Babe Ruth is credited with the invention of the modern baseball bat. He was the first player to order a bat with a knob on the end of the handle. Louisville Slugger produced the bat with which he hit 29 home runs in 1919.

~ Why did Florida ban Christmas caroling? 
In 1996, Christmas caroling was banned at two major malls in Pensacola, Florida. Apparently, shoppers and merchants complained the carolers were too loud and took up too much space.

~ What ice doesn’t melt?
Dry ice does not melt. It sublimes, which means it goes directly from solid form to gaseous form.
QUIP OF THE DAY: He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
– Abraham Lincoln


Thought for the day. . . Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage – Lao Tzu

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